


Twisted Fate

by WaaywardDaughter



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, But not always, Daddy!Cullen, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Oops, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy, shes a bitch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 62,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24960637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaaywardDaughter/pseuds/WaaywardDaughter
Summary: Lochlyn Trevelyan escaped the Kirkwall Circle 7 years ago newly pregnant and alone. She spent her life on the run with her daughter at her side, willing to do anything to protect her. Until The Conclave and a little help from fate puts her exactly where she didnt want to be. Now she must learn how to trust again and not run while maintaining her own slipping sanity.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Female Trevelyan, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 73
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

The chill of the cell seeped into her knees, the cold stone biting her skin. Her hair hung in limp strands across her face, the raven locks contrasting against her pale skin. She whimpered and shuffled slightly, trying to break out of her restraints. The chain holding her to the floor rattled. 

_Need to get out. Need to find Liana._

She attempted to freeze the cuffs but something was holding her magic down. She yelled in frustration. Her left hand began to feel as if it was being pricked by thousands of needles. She frowned, looking at the gash upon her hand. 

She cried out in shock and pain as it sparked to life, flooding the room with green light.

Heavy steps grew louder and she watched the door, her muscles tensing from the pain in her hand and the unknown jailers.

The door slammed open and two women walked in. She couldn't see the woman in the back but the woman in front glared down at her. 

“Where my daughter,” the woman in chains demanded and for a moment the women looked stunned. The one is the back stepped forward and clasped her hands behind her back. 

“No harm will come to your child,” she said in a soft Orlesian voice. The woman on the ground growled softly and glared back at her. She could feel her temper rising and she wanted to wring the womans neck. Instead she exhaled slowly and looked up at the women.

“I want to see my daughter,” she said again but without the harshness. The woman in the black hair stepped forward this time. 

“You don't get to-”

The hooded woman grabbed her arm to silence her and looked down at the woman on the floor. “You help us, we help you. What's your name?”

She frowned and sat back on her haunches. “Lochlyn. Lochlyn Trevelyan.” The woman nodded and looked to the woman with short black hair, whispering something to her. She nodded and leaned down, unlocking the manacles and replacing them with rope.

“Are you taking me to my daughter? Please she must be scared,” she whispered, this time more of a plea. The black haired woman didn't respond and looked to the redhead who helped her stand. 

“Your daughter is likely at the Chantry with the other children. Once you help us, we will take you to her.” She paused and turned back towards her. “Why were you attending the Conclave?”

Lochlyn frowned and tilted her head slightly. “I don't see why that matters-”

“Because the Most Holy is dead! The Temple is gone in an explosion and _you_ seem to be the only one that survived!”

Lochlyns face paled and she stared at the women in front of her. “Y-You mean no one survived?” Her voice was small and she looked at the ground. Her mark decided it would be the perfect time to spark, making her bite back a cry and stumble to her knees. She wouldn't show weakness in front of the women who kept her daughter from her. The woman in armor grabbed her wrist. “This thing... whatever it is... it's killing you.”

“What happened,” the black haired woman demanded. She caught the Nevarran accent and looked up at the woman. “I... I don't remember.” She was honest, she really couldn't remember. The woman didn't believe her though.

“You're lying,” she growled and raised her hand to strike her. The hooded woman stopped her, gripping her arm and pulling her back. “We need her Cassandra!” Lochlyn stared at the woman and finally sighed.

“If you promise to take me to my daughter when we are done, I will help you.”

~~~

“Put the staff down!” 

Lochlyn glared at the woman but dropped it as requested. “I don't need a staff to be dangerous,” she growled. Her bright green eyes stared into the dark ones of the woman in front of her. The other woman gripped her sword tightly and she felt like another battle was coming. So she was surprised when the other woman relaxed and returned her sword to its scabbard. 

“I should remember you came willing,” Cassandra said and Lochlyn leaned over to grab the staff off the ground. She huffed and crossed her arms. “Not exactly willing when you are keeping my daughter from me.”

“Where's her father? Didn't he travel with you.”

“No he didn't.” She kept her answer short and her face forward. “As far as we are concerned, he is dead.”

Cassandra sighed as the two of them made their way up the steep hill, dealing with more demons. Lochlyn sent an ice shard towards a wraith floating towards the top of the hill while the warrior dealt with a shade shifting around. She sent a wave of frost at the shade and froze it in place while she finished dealing with the wraiths above them.

Cassandra dealt a killing blow to the shade, shattering it to pieces as another ice shard caused the wraith to fade away. Lochlyn exhaled slowly and leaned on her staff. Her muscles ached from all the use after not being used for some long. She stood up and her eyebrows raised up as the other woman held out two lyrium vials.

“Figured you could use these,” she said and the mage nodded her thanks, opening one vial and quickly downing it. The taste was bitter and cooling and she struggled not to gag, much to the black haired womans surprise.

“A mage who gags at lyrium?”

Lochlyn rolled her eyes and placed her staff in its spot on her back. “I don't normally use it. Never used so much mana in a days time that it didn't replenish on its own.”

Cassandra nodded and they headed off again, fighting the demons that had littered the countryside.

The mages ears twitched at the sound of fighting up ahead and looked at Cassandra who was already jogging ahead of her. 

They crested the hill and her eyes caught a shimmering green shape floating, demons fighting soldiers, an elf and a dwarf. She took her staff off and slammed the butt into the ground, sending icy sparks flying onto the battlefield below. 

Her hand sparked as she ran forward, causing her steps to falter some. She regained her balance and sent a ball of frost towards an incoming shade, freezing it in place before smacking it with her staff. It shattered into tiny icy pieces. 

She stood up but didn't get to do anything before her left wrist was grabbed and shoved up towards the demon portal. Her hand reacted painfully and she growled softly as green sparked from her hand. With a blinding flash, it disappeared with a rumble. She shook her hand and glared at the elf, who had his head tilted at her curiously.

“So this thing is useful,” she mused and glanced at the group. The elf chuckled and shrugged.

“Whatever magic opened the Breach in the sky also placed that mark upon your hand. I theorized the mark might be able to close the rifts that have opened in the Breach’s wake – and it seems I was correct.” He smiled smugly and she couldn't help but roll her eyes at the elf. 

Cassandra stepped forward and for the first time since they met, Lochlyn saw excitement in her eyes.

“So it could close the Breach?”  
  
“Possibly.” He turned to face the fellow mage again and smiled slightly. “It seems you hold the key to our salvation.”

“All I want is to get this shit done and get back to my daughter so we can get out of here,” she growled and the elfs smile faltered.

The dwarf stepped up, sensing the tension. “Good to know then! I thought we would be ass-deep in demons forever!” He gave a small bow and she couldn't without the giggle before it escaped. “Varric Tethras- rogue, storyteller, unwanted tagalong.” He winked at Cassandra who gave a noise of disgust.

“Lochlyn Trevelyan- mage, prisoner, and forced tagalong,” she smirked and gave a false curtsy. The dwarf laughed at her introductions and patted her arm. “I think we will get along just fine.”

“Need I remind you that you came willing,” the Seeker spoke and Lochlyn narrowed her eyes at her. 

“You and your friend are _keeping_ her from me. If I had half a mind, I'd tear that village apart to find her and never look back.” Her voice was dark and held promise and threat.

The elf stepped forward and placed a calm and cool on her bare shoulder. “I am Solas, if there are to be introductions.” He paused for a moment then stepped back. “ _‘Ma serannas._ I thank you for your help with the demon.”

She smirked and bowed her head respectfully. “ _Lasa halani_ ,” she said clearly and the elf looked stunned at the words. She didn't explain anything and instead, looked to the Seeker. 

“Shouldn't we get moving?”

~~~

“Cool. So none of you are _actually_ in charge?” Lochlyn rubbed her forehead to stem the growing headache. Since arriving at the forward camp Cassandra, the Orlesian woman named Leliana and the chantry man had argued. The man who called for her arrest turned on her and stuck his finger in her face.

“You _killed_ everyone in charge!”

“I haven't killed anyone _yet,”_ she snarled and stepped towards the man. “I just want to get done here and back to my daughter! I wouldn't even be messing with this if it wasn't for them keeping her from me!” She pointed at the woman and the man just laughed.

“Better her with the hands of the Divines than with a _murderous mage!”_

Her sanity snapped and she lunged at him snarling, her staff in her hand. She felt hands grip her arms and she strained against them. “Lochlyn enough,” she heard Cassandra hiss and she growled but no longer tried to attack the man. 

She turned to the Orlesian woman instead and gripped the table in front of her tightly. Cassandra continued her argument with him behind her back. The Breach above their heads let out a groan and she did right alongside it, her mark sparking and stretching across her hand.

“How do you think we should proceed?” She heard Cassandras voice beside her suddenly and she shook her head, her raven hair falling down her shoulders and resting on the front of her. “What are our options?

“We go with the soldiers, take the direct path. It's the fastest.”

“But not the safest. You can take the mountain path. Slower, but safest.” Leliana placed her hands behind her back. “We can use the soldiers as a distraction.”

Lochlyn sighed and stood up right, rubbing her palm as the man behind continued his tirade. “Listen to me now. Abandon this before more lives are lost.”

“Oh for the love of everything holy, _fuck off,”_ she screamed and swung her hand back, shooting a shard of ice at the man and watched it shatter at his feet.

She didn't wait to see or hear his response as she turned back to the women who stared at her wide eyed. “We will take the mountain path.”

No one said anything as they made their way up the ladders to the mountain path. Her arms and legs burned by the time they reached the top. She huffed softly and looked around with the frown. “Is this a mine?”

“Part of an old mining complex. Mountains are full of them.” 

She walked forward, listening to the group talk. She ran her hands down the wall, enjoying the chill against her fingers. Footsteps caught up with her and she looked down at the dwarf who came to walk beside her.

“So what's your kid's name?”

“Pardon?”

“Well you seem to want to get back to her so I assume she really isn't old enough to be away too long.” Varric held his hands up when she glared at him and smiled. “Just trying to make conversation.”

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “Liana. She's... seven. She should get along just fine without me. She knows how to hide and hunt but... she's still a kid.” She let her normal straight face fall to show sadness and she rubbed her eyes. “Not the life I wished for her but... I was an escaped mage from Kirkwall. It was either stay there and become Tranquil or escape and keep my mind.”

Then she hardened her face as she remembered why she left. “Besides, if I had remained, she would never know who I was. She would have been taken from me immediately.” 

Varric remained quiet beside her and just nodded. “Didn't know you were in Kirkwall. Seven years... Surprised I never saw you.”

She chuckled lightly and shrugged. “The night I found out I was pregnant was the night the Qunari attacked. I used the confusion to grab my phylactery and run.” This time Varric laughed.

“Ahh yes I remember hearing Meredith was _quite_ angry. Apparently all the phylacteries had been shattered and over half their mages had disappeared.”

She nodded with a small evil smirk as she remembered the memory. The hair on her neck rose and she pulled her staff off her back to prepare for the fight.

~~~ 

After a slippery trek they made it to the Temple of Sacred Ashes. She quickly pulled Cassandra away from the group. The woman protested and she looked at her firmly. 

“You need to promise me something Seeker.” She spoke in a low voice. Every alarm bell was ringing in her head not to but she ignored it.

The woman looked at her and crossed her arms. “I can't promise anything.”

“You can with my daughter. You kept her away from me and there is no guarantee that this,” she waved her left hand, “won't still kill me. Or that Breach. If that should happen, there is a soldier. A Templar, Knight-Captain Rylen Caine.” Cassandra opened her mouth but she held her hand up. “No, just listen. But if anything happened to me, he gave his word he would protect her. Last I heard he was in Kirkwall.” She bit back a shudder but returned to her stony composition. “Just... make sure she makes it there.”

Cassandra froze for a second then nodded. “Alright. I can do that.”

Lochlyn nodded and returned to the rest of their group before venturing into the temple. Her heart ached as she saw the scattered burned corpses along the path. Leliana had finally caught up with them and had started putting scouts around the destroyed temple. 

She looked at the Breach and suddenly felt the weight of her own mortality. “How... How did I survive?” Even if she escaped the Fade unharmed, that fall should have killed her. 

“It wasn't easy. Solas worked very hard to keep your mark from killing you while repairing the damage to your body,” Cassandra said as they winded through the path. She turned to look at the elf whose ears looked as if they were turning pink. 

She nodded and climbed down the ledge. She eyed the red spire coming out of the ground, the song playing in her ears and head.

“I wouldn't touch that if I were you,” Varric yelled and she withdrew her hand quickly. She hadn't realized she was reaching out to it. “You realize that's red lyrium Seeker.”

“I see it Varric.”

“But what's it _doing_ here?” 

Lochlyn tilted her head at it and looked at Varric. “Whats red lyrium?”

“Bad news is what it is. It turned my brother insane and the Kirkwall Knight-Commander into stone,” he said. She had heard what had happened to her, _deserved worse stupid bitch,_ and she felt herself tense up as pain crept its way across her scarred cheek. 

“Perhaps whatever happened here caused the lyrium to warp and grow into this,” she heard Solas ask and she forced herself to calm down.

“Now is the hour of our victory. Bring forth the sacrifice.”

Everyone drew their weapons and she forced down a growl. Something felt wrong.

“What are we hearing?”

“At a guess?The person who created the Breach.” She frowned at his response and looked over at him. “I'd like more than a guess.”

He just shrugged and they made a slow pace down to the ground floor. 

“Keep the sacrifice still.”

“Someone! Help me!”

“That's Divine Justinas voice!” Cassandra perked up and their pace quickened. Lochlyn was starting to get anxious. They slid off the ledge and onto the ground floor, her marked hand sparking from the close contact to the larger rift. Her eyes looked up at its daunting size and for once, did not feel confident.

“Someone! Help me!”

“Whats going on here?”

She froze as she heard her voice and she felt eyes on her. Cassandra ran up to her now, her face and mouth full of questions.

“The Divine... She called out to you. But-”

A blinding light filled the room and they watched the ghostly figures replay what had happened. She felt a cool breeze on her neck and ran a hand through her hair to try and calm herself. With another blinding flash, it was over.

“You _were_ there! What happened? And the Divine, is she...? Was the vision true? What are we seeing?”

“I don't remember,” she snapped at the woman, feeling her frustration only grow. Solas came to stand beside them and put a calming hand on her shoulder.

“I believe these are echoes of what happened here. The Fade bleeds here.” 

She nodded and glanced around. “I agree, it doesn't feel right here.” She glanced up and sighed. “So what are we going to do about that?”

Solas followed her gaze. “I believe it is not sealed, just closed, albeit temporarily. With the mark, we can open it and close it more safely.” He paused and looked to the Seeker now. “However, opening it will likely attract attention from the other side.”

Cassandra nodded and looked to the archers and foot soldiers around them. “That means demons get ready.”

Lochlyn nodded and looked at the Seeker, who nodded back and she shoved her hand up towards the rift. It crackled and sparked before opening, a large pride demon forming outside of it. She whipped her staff around and readied herself against the demon.


	2. Chapter 2

_ “The fever is too high, we need to get it down if she is to survive.”  _ A man. Not one she remembered.

_ “Let Sister Nightingale I will be with her shortly. I have something to take care of.”  _ A woman with an accent, Nevarran.  _ Cassandra. _

_ “Yes Seeker.” _

Lochlyn tried to open her mouth, say something, but her body refused to work.  _ Liana _ . She tried to get up, to find her child, but her legs wouldn't work. She could feel people in the room but couldn't open her eyes to look. She felt sleep creeping back in and despite her attempt to fight it, eventually gave in.

After what seemed like ages, her body felt... lighter? She didn't feel the heavy blanket of sleep on her now but was acutely aware of the painful throb in her left hand.  _ The mark _ . She tried to sit up and look at her hand but found her body not wanting to work.

_ “How is she today Adan?”  _ A male voice this time, smooth like whiskey. It set off warnings in her mind but why?

_ “No fever. Heart rate is slower but not back to normal. That... thing on her hand keeps going off. I wish you'd put a templar outside of her cabin.”  _ She wanted to snap, hit him with a spell and run at the thought of templars.

_ “No that's not necessary. Solas says the mark is no harm to us.” _

_ “Understood Commander.” _

She tried to force herself up but once again found herself being dragged back to the Fade.

This time, she opened her eyes. It was slow, adjusting to the light in the room. She heard the fire in the hearth crackle and sat up fast. Too fast. The room spun rapidly and she felt the bile rise in her throat.

She quickly rolled out of the bed and crawled to the chamber pot, her stomach emptying out the bile that had settled there. She sighed and rested her head in her hands before standing slowly. A startled yelp and a box crashing made her turn, too quickly, and she braced herself against the table to keep from falling.

“I'm sorry, I didn't know you were awake,” the elf squeaked out. Lochlyn nodded and started braiding her hair, pulling her shoulder length hair into a tight controlled rope. The elf stared for a moment then fear lit across her face. “Lady Cassandra said she wanted to know when you awoke. At once she said!”

The mage froze briefly before turning to the elf. “Do not worry. I will find her myself. Where is she currently?”

“The Ch-Chantry. She said at once-”

Lochlyn put her hands on the elfs shoulders, shushing her before tearing out of the cabin. Her eyes blinked blindly against the sun, staggering briefly before her eyes adjusted. There were crowds of people lining the path but she ignored them.  _ Liana.  _ All that mattered was finding her daughter.

She pushed open the doors to the Chantry. A scout standing by the door jumped and she looked at him, her pale green eyes narrowing. “Where is the Seeker?”

“Th- The room straight back! But you can't-”

She was already gone, the scout running after her telling her not to enter. She didn't care. The only woman who knew where her daughter was in that room. She pushed the door open, it banging against the wall. Inside Cassandra, Leliana and the Chancellor all jumped. The man turned to her and began yelling for her arrest.

“Didn't you learn from your last attempt Chancellor,” she said in a sickeningly sweet voice. She felt the temperature in the room lower as Cassandra waved the guards away.

“I do not believe she is guilty,” the Seeker said and crossed her arms. The surprise did not hide itself and she lowered her hands. She shook her head and crossed her arms. 

“How am  _ I  _ still a suspect in the first place? I nearly died closing the fucking thing!”

The man sputtered and advanced towards her. “Watch your language in this holy place  _ mage!” _

She growled at him but the spymaster spoke up before she could lash out.

“Whoever caused the explosion at the Conclave could still be alive. Or perhaps they died and have allies that yet live.” The accusatory tone was not lost on any of them and the man turned on her.

“ _ I'm a _ suspect?!”

“You- and many others.” Her tone was dark and Lochlyn found herself smirking at her.  _ I like her. _

“...The Maker sent her to us in our darkest hour.”

She looked at the Seeker and frowned, shaking her head. “Five minutes ago, you all wanted me dead! Now I'm supposed to be your savior?!” She began pacing as her frustrations rose. She just wanted to run. Take her daughter and run as far as she could, away from here.

“I was wrong. Perhaps I still am. I cannot however deny that you are what we needed when we needed it.”

Lochlyn laughed darkly and shook her head. “You need a frost mage with a temper and forced her hand by refusing to let her daughter see her?”

Leliana stepped in, her eyes sympathetic. “We will bring you your daughter as soon as we are done here. You have my word.” She looked at the red head and found herself believing her.

“The Breach remains. Your mark seems is our only hope of stopping it,” she continued and the mage sighed, suddenly very exhausted.

The man continued to yell and argue like a child having a temper tantrum. Her patience was reaching its end until Cassandra pulled a thick dusty book out. It reminded her of the tomes she would read while on the run. She watched Cassandra back the man against the wall and she smiled at the fear in his eyes.

Finally he left and Cassandra turned to her, looking just as exhausted. “This was the Divines Directive. Bring back the Inquisition of old. Find those who stand against chaos. We aren't ready. We have no leader, no numbers and now no Chantry support.”

She sat on the edge of the table and crossed her legs. “And if I refuse?”

“You can go, if you wish.” She looked at the spymaster and tilted her head? Just like that? Maybe this would be easier than I thought.

“You should know, while some believe you are chosen, there are  _ many _ more who believe you to be guilty. The Inquisition can only protect you if you are here.” Cassandra looked at her and held her hands out to her side. “Plus there is no one stopping anyone from taking your daughter once they see you are an apostate.” She felt her skin chill over, and she looked at the ground. Finally she slid off the table and held out her hand. 

“Fine. I will help. For now.”

“That is all we ask.” The woman took her hand and shook it. The door swung open again and this time a blonde man strode in. “I apologize for being late. There was an issue-” He froze when he saw the raven haired mage standing in the room. 

Her heart thudded in her ears and she couldn't stop the feral snarl that formed on her lips. “What is the _ Knight-Captain _ doing here?”

Leliana stepped forward and Cassandra gripped her hand tighter, sensing the hostility. “This is Cullen Ruther-”

“ _ I know who he is! Why is he here,”  _ her voice came out laced with violent intent and panic. The man kept his distance but she could see the wariness in his eyes. 

She heard a hiss of pain beside her and she looked at her hand that the Seeker gripped as frosted over. She ripped her hand away and put on her hip, still gripping herself tightly to keep from lashing out.

“He is the Commander of our forces,” the Orlesian spoke, not phased by anything. Panic welled up inside her and she struggled to control her breathing. The temperature began dropping again and she turned to grip the table. 

“Bring me my daughter,” she growled and this time, no one objected. She heard a whisper and someone depart. She watched the edges of the table ice over slowly as her panic grew. Then the Orlesian speaking again.

“Commander this is-” 

“He knows who I am,” she said softly, turning towards the two. “Don't you Knight-Captain?”

“Lochlyn,” he whispered knowingly and lowered his head. She smirked darkly. 

“I'm assuming you two know each other,” she heard Cassandra ask and she eyed Cullen dangerously.

“Lochlyn was my charge in-”

“Knight-Captain Rutherford fucked me then threatened to have me made Tranquil under threat ‘of being a demon’,” she said firmly, her gaze never leaving his. She saw him pale over and visibly shrink back. She smiled and continued. “I was a mage in the Gallows 7 years ago. The night the Qunari attacked, the day before I was to be made Tranquil, I made my escape.” She felt herself flinch at the memory but stood firm.

“Will this be a problem,” Leliana asked.

“No.”

“Yes.”

Cullens eyes widened in shock and she held her head up. “I will not work with him. I am taking my daughter and we are leaving.”

“But you said-”

“I will not have my daughter around him,” she growled and slammed her hand on the table, ice spreading across it rapidly. She could feel herself slipping inside but she made no point to control herself. 

“What about her father? Couldn't you send her to him,” the spymaster asked. She glanced briefly towards the man in the back then strengthened herself. “As far as I am concerned, her father is dead,” she said slowly and punctuated. Leliana frowned but didn't say anything. 

Lochlyn became faintly aware of the growing chill in the room. “I am sorry but I'm afraid I will be leaving,” she said plainly.

“But we need your mark to close the Breach!”

She turned on the Seeker. “My daughters safety is important and she is not safe here,” she yelled and swiped her hand in front of her, shards of ice spiking up from the ground. She heard metal ring out behind her and she turned to see the Commander with his sword drawn. Her wild grin only grew.

“Going to strike me down Knight-Captain?”

He gripped his sword and eyed her. “Control yourself or I might.” She laughed darkly and reached back for her staff. “I'd love to see you try.”

The door opened unexpectedly and a scout came in, stopping suddenly. She lowered her staff, not taking her eyes off the man across from her. 

“Lady Cassandra, I brought-”

“Mama!” 

Her heart stopped and the world fell away as she turned around, her heart thudding. She dropped her staff as the blonde haired girl charged in and she wasted no times wrapping her arms around her.

“I'm so glad you're safe cub,” she whispered and buried her face in the little girls hair. The girl began wiggling against her and she pulled away, smiling to herself. The girls golden eyes looked up at her and she felt the gazes on her.

“Mama lookie what I got!” She showed her a small chain around her neck, a small sapphire sparkling in it. 

“That's pretty sweetie, where did you get that?”

“Uncle Rylen gave it to me!”

“Uncle Rylen?”

She looked up at the man standing in front of them, his tattooed face rising up in the form of a smirk on his lips. She stood up and crossed her arms, her face returning to its firm expression. 

“Rylen.”

“Lochlyn.”

They stared at each other without blinking, and she caught the faint movement of the Seeker preparing for another battle. Finally the other man blinked and she smirked, watching his blue eyes water. “Still can't beat me huh?”

“Aye lass. I give in.” She stepped forward and felt his hands wrap around her waist. She felt herself finally calm completely. A deep voice cleared his throat and she found Rylen pulling away quickly. She tilted her head in confusion.

“When did you get here Rylen? Kirkwall is at least a months travel if not more.”

He laughed and clapped her shoulder, the girl running over to try and climb him.

“I was already here. I serve the Inquisition now as the Commanders second-in-command.” Her eyes widened and she felt as if she were punched in the gut. 

“Please tell me you're joking Rylen...”

“Nay lass. I hear you're the Herald of Andraste now,” he laughed and she shook her head, glancing down at the girl. “Actually no. Liana and I are going to be-”

“Mama can we stay with Uncle Rylen? Pleeeease,” she begged, her eyes widening as if she were a puppy. She felt her heart break and she glanced at Rylen who was giving her the same look. Or at least attempting it. His failed look made her laugh lightly and sigh. “For a little bit cub. I have some things I need to take care of real quick.” 

She glanced at Rylen. “Do you mind...”

He chuckled and shook his head, rubbing the little girls head. “If you don't mind her watching recruits.”

That gave her pause but she slowly nodded. “Keep her away from the pointy things.” He rolled his eyes at her remark and she squatted down.

“Alright cub, I need to finish up here. Go with Uncle Rylen and I will see you in a bit.” The girl nodded and reached up to hug her. She squeezed her and placed a kiss on her head, smoothing her wild curls. “Bye mama!”

Lochlyn smiled and turned to see that Cullens gaze never left the girl, and Cassandras gaze never left him. She looked at the spymaster who looked at her with a knowing gaze and she glared back. “Care to revise your earlier statement Lady Trevelyan?”

She snarled at the title, the two warriors now looking at her. “No. Her father is not involved in her life, nor will he ever be. I will close the Breach then Liana and I will be gone again.”

The woman looked her down and she saw Cullens eyes narrow, his mouth opening to say something to her. Cassandra spoke up instead. “That's all we ask Lochlyn.” The mage nodded and leaned on the table. 

“Are we done here then?” She looked at everyone in the room and no one answered. She nodded and left, her staff still lying on the ground.

~~~

Lochlyn laid in her bed, staring impatiently at the ceiling. Rylen had just taken Liana to get dinner. She wasn't hungry. She was waiting. A soft knock at the door, telling her she waited long enough. She sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. “It's open,” she called and didn't look up. She didn't need to. She knew who was at the door.

The heavy footfalls came in and she glanced up, seeing Cullen holding her staff awkwardly. She hadn't expected her staff though.

“You- ah left this in the war room,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. She stood up and took it from him, walking over to put it in its place by the door. “Thank you,” she said plainly. “If that is all-”  _ Please let that be all. _

“No it's not,” he said in a gruff voice and she sighed. She turned and leaned against the wall, motioning for him to continue.

“Lochlyn, we have to work together. If you are going to fly off the handle-”

“Let me stop you there,” she said and held up her hand. His eyes widened and she pushed off the wall. “What I did today was uncalled for yes. I lost control of my emotions and I apologize.” He started to talk again and she stopped him again. “I do  _ not  _ apologize for telling them about who you really are. They deserve to know what kind of Templar you are.” 

He sighed and looked at her, slightly annoyed. “May I talk?” She nodded and he began pacing.

“I left the Order Lochlyn. I'm no longer a Templar,” he said plainly and she felt her eyebrows raise up.  _ Not what I expected at all.  _ When she didn't respond he continued. 

“I'm not the same person I was in Kirkwall. I changed.” She watched as his steps became more erratic and his hand moved to the back of his neck, rubbing furiously. “We need to be civil if we are going to close this Breach. We can't constantly be at each others throats.” She nodded and he sighed but didn't move.

“If that's all Commander then-”

“Is Liana mine,” he finally asked. She knew it was going to come. She was a spitting image of him. She crossed her arm and steeled herself. “Yes.”

He exhaled and stopped, looking at her. “Why didn't you-”

“What could I say Cullen?! ‘Hey it's me, the mage you hate fucked in the Gallows before I escaped and by the way, you got me pregnant.’ I was going to be made  _ Tranquil _ because of you!” Her voice had raised slightly and she struggled to keep it down. “I left the night I found out I was pregnant because I wasn't going to have my child taken!”

He froze and for a moment, he was unreadable. Which scared her.

“Lochlyn I'm sorry...” His voice was full of guilt and she felt a pang of sympathy. She forced it down. He didn't deserve it.

“Don’t,” she said and crossed her arms. “The only good thing the Maker blessed me with was her. I will not let  _ anyone _ take her from me,” she said darkly and he held up his hands.

“I do not plan on taking her from you.” He sighed and rubbed his neck. “Does she even know who I am?”

Lochlyn shook her head, walking over to her bed and settling on it. “She thinks her father is a soldier who is away,” she whispered and this time, the guilt hit her.

Cullen gaped at her before his shoulders sagged. “Well... It's not a  _ total  _ lie.” She rolled her eyes and a laugh bubbled out before she could stop it. Before she knew it, they were both laughing awkwardly. 

Finally things died down and he looked at the ground. “Let me be a part of her life.”

“No.”

He looked up at her with shock. “Lochlyn, you can't-”

“I can and I am.” She held her voice firm. “I meant what I said in the war room. Once this Breach is closed, Liana and I are leaving. Maker Cullen, she doesn't even know who you are!”

He froze and glared at her. She held his stare as he stalked towards her, his face glowering over her. “She deserves to know,” he growled and she felt her lip lift up to a snarl.

“You will say nothing to her,” she growled back. “You will not go near her. You will not talk to her.”

“I am her father! I deserve-”

“Nothing,” she hissed. “You don't deserve her! She is good and pure, everything you are not!”

He stepped back and she felt her anger slowly subside. The hurt on his face was evident. This time she couldn't stamp down her sympathy and closed her eyes. She heard him start walking towards the door before it slammed shut behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

The moons sat high in the sky, washing the land in a soft glow. The village slept with the exception of the guards that slept. And Cullen.

Maker knew he couldn't sleep. He tried, but only succeeded in tossing and turning. Eventually he got up and put his armor back on, putting his sword on his hip and his shield on his back. Then he started walking.

He nodded to the guards as he passed who saluted with a soft ‘Commander’ then continued on their ways. His mind didn't slow down.

 _I have a daughter_. His heart stuttered in his chest as warmth spread over him. He didn't think it was possible. He didn't deserve it. Not after everything he did.

He made it to the lake, which hadn't quite frozen over yet. He sat at the edge, staring into the water. When he saw Lochlyn, it was like he had seen a predator. And she saw prey. She used to be quiet, kept to herself. He never missed the glances towards him though while she was there though. He often found himself thinking of her himself. She wasn't plain by any stretch of the imagination. 

One night he came back from The Hanged Man after a rough day. Running into Hawke always did him in, and that night had been no different. He came back to the Gallows completely drunk and happened across her. She had been out of her room, after curfew. When he came across her, he tried to reprimand her, lead her to her room, but the alcohol made his feet heavy as lead.

He had stumbled, falling into her and pulling them into each other. Then one thing led to another. He winced at the memory. She had been willing, told him several times throughout, but he had not been gentle. She already had bruises forming, he recalled, just before he passed out.

 _Then all Void broke loose._ He shook his head to rid himself of the memory. She was different now. She was cold. Harsh. Cassandra had told him how she tried to attack the Chancellor on the way to the Temple. He had laughed then. 

When he saw her in the war room though, she turned into a wild animal. Cornered and afraid. She made no secret she knew him. He saw the fear and anger in her eyes when she saw him. He tried to remain passive towards her but it only seemed to escalate her further.

Then she tried to attack Cassandra. And he stupidly drew his weapon. The gleam in her eyes... She wanted a fight. His training kicked in before he could stop it. She was a mage without control. A wild animal. She needed to be put down.

Then the shrill voice yelling broke them out of their trance. She turned and it was like she was a different person. The little girl ran in and the wild animal retreated and she became... like a human again.

Everyones gaze was on the girl. Cullen felt the world fall out from under him. She was nearly identical to Rosalie when she had been that age. He had been faintly aware of the other conversations happening around him.

He shook his head and dipped his hands into the cold lake water, splashing it up on his face. 

Then he confronted her. She had been quiet and understanding when he first came in. He mentioned Liana. _Their daughter_. She turned back into the wild animal, protecting their young.

Cullen sighed and sat back on his heels, folding his hands over his lap. “I'll show her I've changed,” he said softly. He wanted to be in his childs life and he would do anything to prove to her he could be trusted. He slid his leather gloves on and sat for a while, looking at the reflection of the moons in the water. The water was still. Then it wasn't.

He watched the small ripples, barely there. He glanced up to see what caused the movements. His hand gripped his pommel as he stood slowly. Just a few strides to his left a black dire wolf stood at the waters edge, its head dipped down to gently lap at the water. His eyes never left the animal, who didn't seem to notice him. Or if it did, it didn't mind him. 

Its head lifted up slowly once it realized he had moved and he felt his entire body freeze up. He didn't move a muscle as it looked at him, ears flicking slightly. Then in a blink it was gone, bounding through the brush and disappearing into the woods.

Cullen let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He would have to talk to his soldiers tomorrow to be diligent. They didn't have issues with wolves before but he wasn't taking chances with how close it was to the village. He made his way back to his cot, hoping to get at least a little sleep tonight.

~~~

Lochlyn pushed the doors open to the Chantry, her shadow right on her heels and the Seeker to her side. She had her hair pulled into a braided bun, and she had on a dark blue robe. The white fur lined the collar and her hips and her staff sat on her back.

As they walked towards the war room, the familiar tingle hit her and green light bounced off the floor and walls. 

“Does it trouble you,” the Seeker asked as she saw the mage flinch slightly.

“Not really,” she muttered and shook her hand. The blonde girl watched the green light with fascination as it faded away. “I just wish I could get rid of it.”

“We have need for it yet,” Cassandra stated and she rolled her eyes at the remark.

“So you've mentioned.” Her voice was full of annoyance as her daughter pulled her hand back done to eye level.

“It's pretty mama,” she chirped and a warm chuckle escaped the mages throat. “Yes it is. A pretty annoying thing.”

The girl scowled and crossed her arms before being swept up in her mothers arms.

“What's important is your mark is stable now, as is the Breach. You’ve given us time, and Solas believes that a second attempt might succeed – provided the mark has more power.” The woman stopped beside Lochlyn who had set the child down to listen more closely. “The same level of power used to open the Breach in the first place. That is not easy to come by.” 

The mage nodded and tapped her chin in thought. “What harm could there be in powering up something we barely understand,” she smirked and Cassandra flashed a rare smile. “Keep that sense of humor, you'll need it.”

Lochlyn laughed lightly and nodded her head. “So I assume you have a plan?”

Cassandra nodded and motioned her to follow. They walked to the War Room where she paused outside and put a hand on her daughters shoulder. “Liana when we go in here, I need you to be quiet understand? This is an important meeting.” The Seeker opened her mouth to say something but thought against it. The girl instead nodded and smiled at her mother. “Okay mama. I'll be quiet like a mouse!”

She chuckled and looked at the Seeker who wore a small smirk. “Even mice aren't silent.”

“Tell me about it.”

They pushed the door open and walked into the room. She saw Leliana at the head on the table, a new darker skinned woman in bright golds and blues and... Cullen. She swept her child to the side, putting herself between her and the commander. His amber eyes narrowed slightly but said nothing.

“You already know Leliana,” the Seeker said and the redhead nodded. She gave her a small nod and in return the woman nodded back. “My position here..”

“She's our spymaster,” the female warrior said quickly, which earned her a glare. “Tactfully put Cassandra,” she sneered. Liana giggled and Lochlyn shot her a stern look but was unable to hide her own smile.

“This is Lady Josephine Montilyet, our ambassador and chief diplomat.”

“Pleased to meet you,” the woman spoke and she smiled warmly at her.

“And you already know our Commander,” Cassandra said. She felt all eyes on her, and she gave a curt nod to him and he returned it. “I trust any issues from yesterday were resolved.”

Cullen opened his mouth but she beat him. “Of course Lady Cassandra and I apologize for yesterday. Between not having my daughter near me and the Chancellor being a complete and utter arse, I was under extreme duress. It will not happen again.” Short and sweet. Cassandra looked at Cullen who nodded in agreement.

“Mama you said a bad word,” came a little voice beside her and it seemed to break the tension in the room. Everyone chuckled and she patted her daughters head. “I’m sorry cub.”

She then looked at the ambassador and clasped her hands in front of her. “Since they all know who I am, I am Lochlyn Trevelyan and this is my daughter Liana.” The ambassador nodded.

“You don't look like any of the Trevelyans I know my Lady,” she said cautiously. “Pardon me for asking, but where is your husband? Wouldn't your daughter be safer with him?”

Everyone tensed around the room waiting for the blow up. Lochlyn laughed lightly and reached back to tap her staff. “My dear Lady, I bear no semblance because I favor my mother.” 

The woman eyed her curiously and she found herself sighing. “My father had an affair with one of the servants. An outcast from a Dalish clan. Once I came into my magic at age 8, I was sent to the Kirkwall Circle. I've been an apostate since August of 34. I've no time for marriage. As for my daughter,” she glanced down at her warmly. “She's safest at my side. Her father is not currently involved.” Shuffling came from across the room but she kept her eyes in front of her. 

“Anyway, Cassandra says we need more power to close the Breach? Any ideas yet?”

Cassandra nodded and leaned against the table. “Your mark needs more power to close the Breach for good.”

Leliana stepped forward, her blue eyes glittering softly. “Which is why we need help from the rebel mages.” Lochlyn nodded and was going to announce her agreement when the commander stepped forward.

“I disagree. The Templars could serve just as well! They could suppress the Breach, weaken it-”

“No!” The room fell silent at the scream. Lochlyn was on her knees in a moment, holding her daughters crying face.

“What's wrong cub,” she asked softly, wiping her tears away. She stuck her lip out and shook her head. 

“No Templars. I don't want them to take me away or hurt you again,” she whimpered and Lochlyn exhaled harshly before folding her up in her arms.

“No one will take you from your mother Liana,” a soft baritone voice came from behind her. She glanced back to see Cullen had moved towards them but still hung back. The girl shook her head. “The Templars will. That's why we have to hide. Templars are bad,” she whimpered out. The hurt that was evident on his face but Lochlyn turned back to make her daughter look at her.

“No one will take me from you,” she whispered to the now quiet girl. “Besides remember not _all_ are bad. Remember Uncle Rylen is a Templar.” She stood up and looked at the table. “Considering I am a mage, it would look rather odd if I sided with the Templars,” she stated firmly. The girl clung to her leg and she wrapped her arm around her protectively. 

“Neither group will talk to us currently anyway. The Chantry has denounced the Inquisition and more importantly you,” the ambassador said quickly. Lochlyn nodded and looked at the map on the table, smoothing out a corner that had curled up.

“Can we just ignore them,” she asked impatiently. Lelianas lips turned to a small smile but shook her head. “If only it were possible.”

“People are calling you the Herald of Andraste and it frightens the Chantry,” Josephine said and the mage couldn't help but laugh. “I'm a _mage_. They were frightened of me long before this.”

“The clerics have declared it blasphemy and us heretics for harboring you.”

“Chancellor Rodericks doing no doubt.” Lochlyn growled softly at the mention of his name and shook her head.

Josephine shrugged her shoulders but moved on. “It limits our options. Asking the mages or templars for help is out of the question.”

“So they aren't concerned about the Breach? You know, the real threat?” Sarcasm dripped off her tongue as she leaned forward to lean on the table. _Maker damned clerics only caring about what they want._

“They know it's a threat. They just don't think we can stop it,” Cullen said with annoyance. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. 

“They are telling everyone you will make it worse.”

“Well imagine that. What can a mage, a templar, a spy, an ambassador and a Seeker do?” 

Leliana looked at her and crossed her arms. “ _We_ can do our work here. There is something you can do however.” She moved around the table and pointed at a spot in The Hinterlands. “A Chantry Cleric named Mother Giselle wants to speak to you. She knows those involved better than I and her assistance could be invaluable.”

Lochlyn frowned and shook her head. “This could be a trap. How do you know it isn't an ambush to arrest or even kill me?” She felt arms wrap around her leg and she patted the girls head reassuringly.

Leliana shook her head. “I doubt it. From what I know, she's a kind soul who doesn't resort to violence.” She nodded and looked at the group. “I'll see what I can do. We will leave tomorrow after breakfast.”

“You'll find her tending to the wounded in the Hinterlands near Redcliffe.” Lochlyn nodded and stretched her arms. 

Cullen took the moment to say his piece. “Look for other opportunities to extend the Inquisitions reach. We need more agents outside of the valley and you're our best bet to recruit them.” She gave him a nod and the girl started squirming beside her.

“In the meantime, let's look at our other options. I wont leave this all to the Herald,” Cassandra said and Lochlyn smiled warmly at her. “Thank you Cassandra, I appreciate it.”

“Are we done here,” she asked looking around the room. Everyone nodded and she tapped her daughters head. “Come along cub, let's get to your studies.”

~~~

Complaints could be heard as the two walked out of the war room. Cullen couldn't help but smile at the girls complaints. Until he saw the other eyes on him. He cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck.

Josephine huffed and set her board down. “Why would she willingly bring her child into danger? She should be with the father. Or here. We have plenty of children and the Chantry can educate her while she is away.”

“Commander,” the Orlesian drew out slowly. He raised his head at his title. “How long has it been since you saw our Herald?”

He coughed into his hand and glanced down. “Ahh... about 7 years.” She nodded and glanced at the ambassador who herself was frowning. Cassandra looked at Cullen with surprise. “She told Varric when we were on the way to the Breach that Liana was 7.”

Suddenly Josephine's face lit up. “Is she...”

“Yes,” he replied gruffly. He didn't want to get into it with them. It would start a fight.

“She told us the father isn't involved,” Cassandra said slowly and he shrugged. 

“Commander. If this is going to be an issue for us-” The spymasters voice held a hint of threat and he became very uneasy.

“I only just found out about her yesterday. So it wasn't wrong.” A headache started blooming and he pinched his nose, trying to will it away.

“But you are here now. Doesn't she-”

“She doesn't want her to know I exist,” he growled and stormed out of the room. The pain was only growing and he was growing more annoyed with the questions. He needed to stop and see Adan first, get a poultice for his headache. Then he would start working with the recruits again, running drills until he felt better.

He briskly walked out of the Chantry and towards the healers cabin. The thump in his head was getting to blinding levels, making his stomach turn. He pushed the door open and the healer turned towards him. “Commander! I-”

He didn't get the words out before Cullen was bent over the wash basin, purging his stomach. He could hear the frustrated huff of the man and the clinking of vials. He heaved a few more times before feeling a cool rag on his neck. _Adan never does this..._

“Commander are you well,” the soft voice asked. He glanced over his shoulder to see a very concerned Lochlyn standing over his shoulder. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. 

Adan returned and she held the rag out to him, stepping back to allow him to clean himself up. 

“You should have come here when it started Commander,” the man chastised as he handed him a potion and water.

He finished cleaning up while he heard the two talk behind him. Then he stood and muttered his thanks before exiting the cabin. He started back towards his tent, resolving to do paperwork the rest of the day.

“Commander!” The familiar voice called him and he stopped to turn around and face the mage who slightly jogged up to him with the blonde girl following behind. 

“Herald, is there something you need?”

“Andrastes tits don't call me that,” she groaned and was met with a protesting whine. “Mama...”

Cullen couldn't hold back the chuckle and she glared at him. “I don't know where she picked being so religious. Certainly not me,” she muttered. She shook her head.

“Did you ah... need anything Hera- Lochlyn,” he asked again, still annoyed with the soft throbbing in his mind. She raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms. 

“I just wanted to see if you were well. You were fine in the War Room,” she said plainly. 

He tilted his head slightly and shrugged. “Are you well? I didn't expect-”

“Oh I was just making my rounds around the village. Seeing who needs help,” she shrugged. “Adan seemed a little... cranky when I went in and it got worse when you arrived so I left,” she whispered.

“How could you help him? There isn't much you-”

“I'm a healer Commander,” she said with a slightly offended tone. “I learned other schools to protect myself and Liana.”

“I didn't mean to-”

“It's fine,” she said and held up her hand. “You didn't answer me though Cullen,” she said softly, her stony facade dropping to something softer. “I can help if you-”

“No.” The word came out more as an order than just a word. Lochlyn raised her eyebrows and her hardened face returned. “Very well Commander. Come on Liana, we have a few more things to do before lunch.” 

She hit him with her shoulder as she walked by, not like he could feel it.

He felt eyes on him and looked down to see Liana scowling at him, her amber eyes burning a hole in his. 

“You should probably get back to your mother,” he said gently at the same time a sharp call for her came across the village. She huffed and through her hands down at her side. “She was just trying to help. You don't have to be an arse,” she yelled and stormed off after her mother. 

Cullen stood there for a moment before shaking his head and laughing softly to himself. _Makers breath, there are two of them. We are doomed._


	4. Chapter 4

“Keep your shield up! If this man were your enemy you’d be dead!” Cullen rubbed the bridge of his nose as he turned to the man at his side. “Lieutenant don't hold back. The soldiers must be prepared for a real fight, not a practice one.” The man saluted and walked off as Cullen watched the recruits. He wasn't feeling too hopeful. _Hopefully no one ambushes us._

“Didn't take you for the kind to ride someones arse Commander,” a voice said from beside him. He jumped slightly and Lochlyn laughed lightly. “Good thing I'm not an assassin. You'd be dead.”

He looked over to say something to her but found his words caught in his throat. Instead of the blue robes she wore the day prior, she wore a teal wrap that barely covered her breasts, her stomach tight but exposed. Red ropes wrapped around her arms and across her chest, complimenting her fair skin. His eyes caught a red scar that ran from the base of her neck across her chest to her right hip bone. No armor, only pleasantly exposed skin. No protection. He couldn't help but make note of every spot an enemy could exploit, wanting to tell her how _impractical_ it was.

Maker help him but he couldn't look away.

“Commander, you might want to pick your jaw up before your soldiers decide to follow suit,” the mage said and he cleared his throat turning back to his soldiers who had also stopped to stare the Herald. One sharp look from him though and they were back to practicing. He turned back to Lochlyn who was still laughing to herself.

“How are you not freezing,” he asked incredulously. She shrugged and put a hand on her hip. 

“This doesn't bother me,” she said with a smile. “I spent the last 4 years on the run, I'm used to this. Besides, this gives me more motion.” She turned to look at the soldiers. “How are they getting along?”

“Our numbers are small but they serve our need for the time being. A lot of the recruits are people from Haven and pilgrims. None made _quite_ the entrance you did.”

She snorted and shook her head. “Not like I did it on purpose.”

He nodded his head and motioned her to follow. “I'd be worried if you did.” She walked behind him but kept her frown. 

"How did you end up here Commander? I'm assuming you didn't fall out of a rift in an explosion."

He chuckled and shook his head. “I was recruited to the Inquisition in Kirkwall, after the mage uprising” he said and her eyes snapped to him. She wore a look of guilt on her face for a moment but then it went away. 

“Did you have any friends there,” he asked and she smiled sadly. “One. Myra. We were going to escape together but we got separate.” Her eyes flashed with something dark and he wanted to say something, anything, but couldn't find the words. He watched as she looked over the snowy horizon and sighed. 

“Ser!” Cullen turned as a scout brought him a report, scanning it over. Another requisition order he couldn't fill. He sighed and handed it back to him. He would talk to Threnn later today to work something out. He looked back at Lochlyn who returned back to her straight faced look.

"You were saying?"

“Yes. Uh... When Cassandra offered me a position, I left the templars to join her cause. Now it seems we face something far worse.” 

“If you left the templars for this, you must believe in it.” Her voice was filled with wonder, though she avoided looking directly at him, instead glancing over his shoulder. 

“I do. There's so much...” He turned to follow her gaze and watched the blonde headed child dancing around the black haired warrior and dwarf, her laughs filling the chilly morning air. Warmth filled his chest and he quickly looked away to look at the mage, seeing a rare smile on her face.

She quickly looked back at him and the smile faded, nodding at him. “You were saying?”

He blinked and rubbed the back of his head. “I doubt you came for a lecture,” he muttered, his face growing warm. Her pale green eyes danced and the smile came back briefly. “No but if you have one prepared, I'd love to hear it.” 

A chuckle bubbled out before he could stop it, turning him redder than before. “Another time perhaps.” She nodded and her smile grew more. The light pink on her face distracted him. Was she blushing? No its just the cold air. Couldn't be anything else. “I... ahh-”

“Commander!”

“Herald!” Both people broke eye contact with each other to look towards who had called their names.

“Ser Rylen has a report on our supply lines!

“We need to get moving!”

Cullen turned back to the mage, whose face had returned to its feature.  
“There's a lot of work to be done,” he said and turned to walk away. 

“Commander,” she said softly and he moved to face her. She held her hands in front of her. “I've uhh... been thinking. When we get back from The Hinterlands-” She frowned for a moment, shaking her head. 

“Herald are you okay,” he asked suddenly concerned as she leaned forward to hold her head, moving forward to catch her. She waved him off and took a deep breath, looking back at him. 

“I'm taking Liana with me to see Mother Giselle but I figured afterwards... Maybe you could...” she sighed and her face held frustration. “Maker why is this so hard?”

“Herald!”

“Damn it Cassandra hold on!” She groaned and looked at him, huffing loudly. “When we get back, maybe we can sit and I can let you and Liana...” She trailed and threw her hands up. “Please tell me you get what I'm saying?”

He stared at her, still trying to piece together what she was saying. His mouth hung open and she sighed at his silence, hurt flitting across her face before anger settling in.

“You know what? Nevermind. I shouldn't have brought it up.” Lochlyn moved to pass him and that brought him out of his shock, quickly grabbing her arm to stop her. 

“I'd like that,” he said softly and her face suddenly cleared, now wearing her own look of shock. “O-Oh. Okay then.” she stumbled out, suddenly less composed than she had been since waking up in Haven two days ago.

He released her, realizing he still had a grip on her arm. A thought hit Cullen and he frowned, glancing towards the group of adventurers who were now growing ever impatient. “Are you sure it's safe to bring her? I mean The Hinterlands-”

“I don't trust anyone here,” she said firmly, leaving no room for argument. “Besides Rylen and I don't think you'd give him time off to babysit, nor would I want you to.” Her face became unreadable again and crossed her arms. “She is my responsibility and we have been in worse situations together. She will be fine.”

“Lochlyn she's my responsibility too-”

“Cullen,” she said in a low hiss. He could see her frustration starting to show, though she was doing well to control it. “If it wasn't for your second in command, we wouldn't even be having this talk. I am giving you a chance because he... well lets just say I felt like I was being chastised in the Circle again.” Her eyes softened for a moment and she looked down. “He trusts you and he vouches for you. Besides, you know she fears templars. If I left her with you...” She trailed off and shook her head. “It's better for everyone that she stays with me, at least for now. I'm not the only one with trust issues.”

Cullen sighed but nodded. He didn't want to push her. He needed them both to trust him.The fear in the girls voice when it was even _mentioned_ they could side with the templars hurt something deep in him. Void he didn't even know the girl except for in passing around the village, yet it still _hurt._

“Mama! Lady Cassandra said we have to go now!”

A growl escaped the mages throat and she stared at the bright sky. “You may not have a Seeker when we get back.” She stormed off before he could say anything and he wondered if she might actually kill the woman.

“Commander! Ser Rylen says now!”

He huffed and turned to his runner who winced slightly under his glare before following him. He might be a runner _and_ a second in command short when she gets back.

~~~

_What am I doing?_ Lochlyn walked with her group, the sun warming her bare skin. It took two weeks. Two weeks of hearing Cassandra and Varric bicker. Her daughter whining every so often about the walking. She longed for the nights. She could wander the woods, feel the gentle breeze, enjoy the silence.

She could actually _think_. She thought back to her argument with Rylen. He had come to her cabin... well she couldn't think of a word to describe how he was. Liana had fallen asleep so she told him she would meet him outside the village. 

Then he laid into her. Which she deserved. He knew the father was a templar, he didn't know that it was his best friend. His _boss_. 

"Do you know how many times I told him about you and Liana," he had hissed. "I told him about his daughter without him ever knowing! I _helped_ _raise_ her and he knows!" She let him yell. Let him call her out. Let him get his frustrations out. Once he calmed, she explained her side. Why she didn't want him around. His blue gaze softened and he exhaled, all anger leaving in that breath.

“He's changed Lochlyn,” he had whispered. It wasn't that she didn't believe him. She wanted to. The village was already buzzing, the rumors she had heard how the child looked just like the Commander. She didn't miss the longing gazes Cullen would cast their direction when he thought she wasn't looking. But she couldn't risk it. She didn't want to.

Yet Rylen insisted. She knew the man wouldn't drop it. So she gave her word he would talk to him about it. Yet she still felt like she was doing something wrong.

“You know, scowling like that is bad for your health. Your face might get stuck like that,” she heard from beside her. She glanced at the dwarf and gave him an airy laugh. 

“Trust me. My face getting stuck is the least of my worries.” She shook her head and flipped her braid behind her head. “How much further do you think?”

“Not far,” Cassandra said. Up ahead they could see movement of a small campsite, presumably their scouts. Lochlyn glanced down at her daughter who was glancing around with a worried expression.

“What is it cub?”

“Will you have to fight,” she asked in a small voice, her hand tracing the scar the stretched across her mothers stomach. _So that's what it's about._ She nodded and sighed softly. “It is very likely. Do you remember what to do?” Her voice was slightly louder and caught her groups attention, their gazes turning to her

The girl nodded and hugged her hands close to her body. “I get far away and hide. Don't come out until you call. If the sun moves two positions and you don't come, retrace our steps until I come across a village. Then inform the guards.” The girls voice was solemn and Lochlyn couldn't help the guilt welling up inside her. She was only seven and yet... she was more mature than she should be. She should be playing with other kids, learning her numbers and alphabet, Void even learning the Chants or about Andraste. Not spending her life running and hiding from bandits, templars or wild animals.

“Well here it will be a little different,” Lochlyn said in a comforting voice. Liana looked up at her with confusion and she smiled as they got close to the camp. 

“See those people in the green and brown uniforms?” The girl nodded. “Well those are our scouts and soldiers. They will help us if we get in trouble. So if something happens and no one calls for you, you come back to one of these camps.” The girl hesitated then nodded. If she was going to be with them, she would need to learn to trust. _So do I_.

The group reached the camp and a brown haired dwarf came up to them, her greens eyes sparking some.

“Herald of Andraste! I've heard stories- we all have! We know what you did at the Breach. It's an honor to meet you my Lady.” Lochlyns face grew warm. The woman was nice, she seemed cheerful. How anyone could be cheerful with the world ending around them was a surprise. _She must be protected at all costs._

“Please, call me Lochlyn,” she said with a grin. The scout frowned some but nodded. “Inquisition scout Harding at your service. I- all of us here- we’ll do whatever we can to help.”

She nodded and smiled at the woman. “I am pleased to meet you.” She glanced around the camp while Varric made some joke she didn't get, resulting in Cassandra to make a disgusted sound. 

“Lets get down to business. The situation is pretty dire.” She nodded and listened as the scout told her about the horse master who refused to help the Inquisition due to the mage and templar fighting, our the soldiers were struggling to keep the fighting away from the Crossroads and the refugees. She felt her daughter grip her arm when they discussed the fighting and she gripped her back to calm her.

Harding dismissed her and she looked at her group and a weak smile. “Well lets get going!”

They made their way down the path, Liana only leaving her mothers side to gather the various herbs she found. 

“Mama,” she called as they passed a cabin. She paused and when her daughter didn't come, she jogged back up the path to where she stood in a garden. She was frowning at a purple plant and looked up at her. “What's this? It looks like elfroot but it's purple.”

Lochlyn squatted down beside her to look closer at it. “It looks like royal elfroot. It's rare. Grab it, I'm sure Adan could use it.” The girls eyes lit up as she carefully harvested the plant before running to catch up to the group. 

They reached towards the end of the path, she grimaced at the bodies. A quick glance at her daughter showed she was unphased by it, causing the guilt to rear its head again. _She should be terrified of this, not used to it._

The sound of fighting rang in her ears and she paused, pressing a hand to her daughters chest. “Go,” she whispered and the girl ran off while she took her staff off her back. 

“Will she be okay,” Cassandra asked softly and Lochlyn laughed. She noticed the warrior was developing a soft spot for the blonde child on the way here and it put her at ease when it came to traveling.

“She's been doing this since she was three. Has never been caught yet. I think she has a natural calling as a rogue.”

They ran forward where the soldiers were fighting templars and mages. Her heart clenched as she shot shards of ice towards a mage before throwing a barrier over herself. She grimaced as flames licked the barrier, blocking her view. She found herself jumping back in order to put some distance between her and the mage, only to have the shimmery blue shield shatter as a blow from a templar to her left. 

Lochlyns sight dazed for a moment before tossing a ball of ice at the knight, her staff sending ice shards to follow. Her edge was only short lived as an invisible wall slammed into her, her body numbed as her mana stuttered. 

She growled softly as the man charged her, using her staff to block the sword blow. She continued like that, wearing down the man as he attempted to hit her. Finally, she caught his steps faltering and swung her staff around. The blade on the end found its mark as she shoved it into the small gap under his helmet. 

She faintly registered her name being yelled before feeling a shield slam into her back just before a blue light wrapped around her. Her breath left her and she fell to the ground, stars dancing in her eyes. She had almost no recovery time as a sword swung down on her, shattering the barrier.

Lochlyn rolled to her feet as the templar recovered from the bounce back. Her staff had been thrown and she had yet to recover fully from the Silence. The man charged her again, only to be met with the Seekers shield to his face, knocking his helmet off. She took advantage of the distraction to run for her staff, grabbing her staff as the Seeker shoved her blade through the mans throat. She glanced around quickly, checking to make sure no one else would run onto them. 

“I think that's the last of them,” Solas said slightly out of breath. She nodded in agreement. 

“Liana,” she called and waited. She didn't have to wait long before her daughter made her way to herself, leaves and dirt clinging to her once blonde strands. Lochlyn gave her a quick hug as she glanced over the group. 

“Anyone needs healing,” she asked and everyone shook their heads. Nothing but bumps and bruises for them. _How lucky._

“Mama your back,” Liana exclaimed and Lochlyn tried to turn, catching a glimpse of the start of a bruise. “I'm a fine cub, it's just a bruise.” The girl scowled but didn't say anything. She could already feel her back stiffening as she rolled her shoulder. _This is going to be a long trip._

The group made their way to where a Chantry mother knelt by a soldier in green and brown. _One of ours._ Yet she couldn't help but frown as he tried to refuse healing from a mage.

“How can they believe in a mage Herald but not trust magic,” she muttered to herself. She felt her daughter tighten her grip on her hand and she smiled some at her. She always managed to be her anchor.

She watched the man finally lay down and decided it was safe to approach now. “Mother Giselle,” she called as the woman stood up. 

“I am. You must be the one they are calling the Herald of Andraste.” She walked towards the group and she felt the girl shift behind her as she approached.

“You asked for me,” she asked in her usual neutral tone. The Mother nodded at her and moved to walk past her. Lochlyn gently pried her daughters hand from hers and sent her to her followers' side before following the cleric.

“I know of the Chantrys denouncement and those behind it,” she said softly. Lochlyn nodded as she followed, listening intently.

“I won't lie: Some of them are grandstanding: hoping to increase their odds of becoming the next Divine.” Lochlyn couldn't help but laugh. 

“So they only care about the power. Imagine that.”

“Perhaps. Some of them are simply terrified. So many good people, taken from us senselessly...” The woman trailed off and Lochlyn bowed her head some. She helped prepare some of the pyres as they worked through the dead. It only fueled her need to fix the Breach. To prevent more death.

“What happened was horrible,” she whispered in agreement and they finally stopped walking, the cleric finally turning towards her. 

“Fear makes us desperate, but hopefully not without reason.” She glanced back at her daughter, knowing that all too well. “Go to them. Convince them you are no demon to be feared. They have heard only frightful tales of you. Give them something to believe in.”

She sighed and crossed her arms. “Will appealing to them even work? Pretty sure they still want to arrest me.”

The woman remained straight faced as she did. “I would not suggest it if I did not think you were capable,” she said in a chastising tone. Lochlyn lowered her eyes, feeling the familiar heat come up on her cheeks. The cleric laughed lightly and smiled. “Let me put it this way. You needn't convince them all. You just need them to doubt.” 

The mage thought for a moment and nodded. “Thank you Mother Giselle. I appreciate you doing this.”

The woman shrugged. “I don't know if you were sent by fate to help us or not... but I hope. It's what we need. The people will listen to your rallying call, as they will listen to no other.” Lochlyn snorted now and shook her head. Why would anyone listen to a mage right now? In the middle of a way _involving_ mages.

She listened to the cleric and nodded her goodbyes before returning to everyone. Varric had distracted the girl with some story while Cassandra looked around cautiously. 

“Mother Giselle is going to return to Haven,” she announced to the group. “I want to go have a talk with the horsemaster about our horses.”


	5. Chapter 5

Just over a month. They had been gone for over a month. Cullen watched up the path everyday, waiting to see the returning group. News of her deeds though circled the village. Mother Giselle had arrived a few days prior and she had informed the leaders of how Lochlyn had helped the refugees. Hunting rams, finding blankets, even traveling to a cult in the hills for a sick refugee and gaining Josephine an agent and even himself one while there.

Her reports mainly detailed where rifts had opened and been closed, any agents that had been acquired for who, or requests. Cullen couldn't hold back his sound of surprise when she sent in her report saying she managed to convince the horsemaster to join the Inquisition. She never talked about any ‘do-gooding’ she had accomplished but reports from other scouts kept them informed.

Of course Master Dennet had conditions. Had to give to get. Lochlyn had marked places for watchtowers, a logging stand and quarry she had found and several iron deposits to make weapons. Cullen smiled as he delivered the notice to Threnn, telling her she was going to get her extra weapons when he found out. 

Cullen had been in his tent, reading over her latest report when he heard the commotion outside. There had been apostate and templar camps she said she was taking care of before returning to Haven. That had been nearly two weeks prior. 

He peeked his head out as people were headed towards the entrance of the village. Grabbing his sword and placing it back on his hip, he left and followed the crowd.

Cullens face broke into a small smile as the Herald strode in, her group trailing behind her as she rode a chestnut Fereldan Forder with a small smile on her face. Liana sat in front of her, a larger grin on her face as she squirmed against her mother.

“Herald,” he called as he approached her. Lochlyn nodded to him and gave him a smile that didn't hold anything but happiness. Much different than her usual stony look. Cullen watched her lean down and whisper something to the girl who nodded and gripped the saddle. He held his hand out and she took it, sliding off the horse rather gracefully. 

“I trust your trip went well,” he asked as she turned to help Liana down. She nodded and started to talk but the girl beat her to it.

“Mama fought all sorts of things,” the girl said excitedly and grabbed her mothers hand. “There was bears and templars and bad mages and bandits! I watched it all so that if she needed help, I could go get it!”

Cullen chuckled as Lochlyn turned to lead her horse to the stable. He caught the sight of a new scar on her side, and looked like claw marks. She turned to come back and he couldn't notice how her smile had faltered some.

“You were very brave to do that,” he said, unable to hide his sense of pride. The girl nodded and her grin grew. 

“I'm not scared of nothing,” she exclaimed loudly then frowned some. “Well except demons. Those were scary.” Lochlyn inhaled sharply and Cullen looked to see her smile completely gone and in fact looked more pale.

“Liana, love,” she whispered. “Why don't you go to our cabin and get ready for your bath? Then we will get supper.” The girl nodded excitedly and scurried off. Lochlyn sighed and Cullen met her green gaze.

“She's only a child,” she whispered. She sounded broken. “She shouldn't be used to any of this. I had told her...” He watched her shudder and he struggled not to reach out and hold her. “I had told her not to look, when we found a rift. I was hoping to protect her from seeing that. Demons that is...” 

Lochlyn rubbed her arms some and glanced at the sky. “A terror had jumped and was aimed for her. I had to Fade step to get to her...” Her hand rested on her side where the scar was and he suddenly understood.

“Cullen... she could have died,” she said in a whimper. Cullen glanced at her face and saw she had tears rolling down her cheek. He couldn't hold himself back and he pulled her into his arms as she silently cried. “She would have died and it would have been my fault.”

He didn't speak. He didn't know what to say. She wasn't wrong but that's not what she needed to hear. That was a risk she was taking bringing a child into a battlezone. He just tucked her head under his chin and let her cry. It felt... _right_?

“I'm an awful mother, aren't I,” she whispered and he quickly pulled her away. Her pale green eyes sparkled with unshed tears and Cullen shook his head.

“Lochlyn,” he whispered. “You are far from a terrible mother.” She shook her head and he lifted her head up to look at her directly now. 

“You ran to protect your daughter. You have done everything to keep her safe and even threatened a Seeker _and_ me.” He took a deep breath and stepped back slightly.Cullen gave her a lopsided smile. “You are far from a terrible mother. She's lucky to have you.”

“For starters, I _did_ almost attack Cassandra. It wasn’t a threat. And if I remember correctly, you drew your blade first.” Lochlyn stared at him for a moment before huffing. “How can I argue with you? You've been nothing but nice to me and I've treated you like a total mabari shit.”

“Yeah well, it's what I deserve.” Lochlyn frowned and pulled him off to the side, realizing they were still standing on the path.

“You don’t deserve that Cullen. Why do you think that?” 

He frowned at her, keeping back a safe distance. Or what he felt was a safe distance. “It’s my fault you're even in this position. If I hadn't...” He paused as the bile rose in his throat and he swallowed it back down. “If I hadn't raped you, you wouldn't-”

“Wait what?” He glanced at Lochlyn, who had a look of pure confusion. 

“Lochlyn don't even try to-”

“Cullen,” she said sharply, cutting him off. Cullen blinked, finding himself staring back at her.

“Cullen you didn't... Why would you think that?” Her voice was small, full of disbelief. He didn't answer and he watched as she began pacing.

“You found me out after curfew. I knew you had been drinking but we talked and you _sounded_ as if you weren’t completely gone. I didn't realize you had so much that you didn't remember...” He watched her bring her hands to her eyes, rubbing them with her palms.

He shook his head. The memory was still fuzzy but it was one that replied itself time after time over the years.

She sighed fiddled with her braid. “Okay well let me explain it. You came to me, you had been drinking. We ended up talking. Just like we are now. You called me out on the several times you caught me checking you out.” Her cheeks flushed red in embarrassment. “You admitted yourself that you had done the same, that you were ashamed of it.”

Cullen stared at her, trying to wrap his head around what she was saying. Yet she didn't stop.

“You went to take me to my cell, if you had left me there for another Templar to find... Well who knows what would happen? But you tripped. I, rather stupidly, tried to catch you. I was pulled down and landed on top then... I kissed you.” She stepped towards him, now frowning. “You asked me _several_ times if it was okay, you never forced me to do anything. If I had known you were beyond drunk...”

“But... I left bruises...” His heart raced in his chest, trying to believe her. She just chuckled and showed him the growing collection of different colored bruises, both small and large.

“If I brush against something, I bruise. Cullen you were nothing but _gentle_ with me.” Her words were soft now but her face firm. He stared at her, trying to let her words soak in. He hadn't... “The only thing that truly hurt,” she said now looking away. “Was when you called for me to be made Tranquil.”

“You said it was a _hate fuck_ ,” he finally got out, remembering when he had returned her staff. Cullen watched as her shoulders sagged and she shook her head. 

“I was _angry_ at you Cullen. I wanted to hurt you so you’d go away. If I had known you thought...” He watched as she stepped away, rubbing her hands over her face. “I never should have said it. Especially when it wasn’t true. Or maybe it was, for you. But not for me. It was... enjoyable.” Her face turned bright red and he couldn't help but notice how the setting sun set her green eyes ablaze like jades.

“I should get going. If she's left to her own devices, who knows what will happen,” she whispered and he nodded, pulling his eyes aware from hers.. He had his own reports to review and...

“Do you want to come get supper with us? I feel like we need to discuss this more.”

His thoughts were shattered at that moment as he looked at her with surprise. Lochlyn looked at the ground and kicked the ground with her boot. Did she really ask that? Did he just have hopeful hearing?

“Unless you have other plans,” she said quickly and finally met his shocked gaze. He blinked as his brain began to gather itself.

“Oh... Ahh... No I don't.” 

“Oh.” Her face fell slightly and he realized what he had said. “No wait that's not what I... Makers breath.” He rubbed his neck and cleared his throat. “I meant I didn't have plans. I'd love to join you.”

Lochlyns face lit up and she smiled. “Alright. Give us until the next bell and we will meet you at the tavern?”

He nodded in agreement and she walked off, his gaze never leaving her. He shook his head and walked to his tent to finish up his reports.

~~~

The tavern was particularly busy tonight. Cullen glanced around, nodding at the soldiers who glanced his way. His eyes fell on the raven haired woman across the way, talking to someone on her side. He made his way over, seeing Cassandra, Varric, Rylen, and Josephine gathered around the table. How were they going to talk with everyone around? Liana was nowhere to be found though, much to his disappointment.

“Commander,” Lochlyn yelled, lifting her mug. “Don't you ever take that armor off?” Everyone around her glanced over and made room. She stood up and walked over to the bar. He looked over the mage, taking in her relaxed appearance. She wore a black blouse that showed a fair amount of her chest and a cream colored skirt that swept along the floor as she walked. Her hair was loose, flowing down the length of her back in waves.

“Here Commander,” Rylen stood and offered his chair. “Im heading out anyway.” He nodded to him and gave him a small smile. “Thank you Rylen,” he whispered and the soldier just nodded with his own grin. He walked away and he saw him pause by Lochlyn to whisper something and plant a small kiss on her cheek. She frowned and said something that he just waved away with a laugh before patting her shoulder and walking away.

Cullen glanced around at the table, realizing nearly everyone was staring at him. 

“What,” he asked, feeling his face grow red under their gaze. 

“You're staring,” Cassandra said and took a sip of her drink.

“Wh- No I wasn't!” Yes he was. Oh Maker but he was staring and his face was as red as a tomato.

“Whatever you say Curly,” Varric mused and smirked. The commander just rolled his eyes as Lochlyn came back with a pout at him and another mug. “You scared off Rylen,” she pouted and set his mug down before returning to her seat.

“Liana,” she called and the blonde girl scurried out from under the table. She already had dirt on her face and hands, much to her mothers frustration.

“You need to eat cub and you are already dirty,” she said and took the girls hands, a soft green glow forming over them. When she pulled them away, the girls hands were spotless and she climbed into her mothers lap to start eating. She glanced around and her amber eyes lit up when she saw the man beside her.

“Hi Commander,” she said sweetly. Everyone at the table seemed to hold their breath as he looked back at the girl. Even Lochlyn seemed to tense up slightly before he smiled warmly and nodded his head. 

“Hello Liana. Are you behaving yourself,” he asked with a smile and the girl squirmed some on her mothers lap. “...Yes?”

The table chuckled at the questions and he raised his eyebrows at Lochlyn who struggled to hide her own smile. “She threw a ball of snow at the Chancellor on the way here,” she said, trying to sound chastising but failing. The girl huffed and threw her hands down.

“He said Mama needed to be arrested and the _Inquision_ was dooming everyone,” she said with anger that just made her look more adorable. 

“It's pronounced Inquisition cub,” Lochlyn said and sighed before cutting some of the food in front of her. “And besides, you can't be throwing snowballs at everyone who makes you mad.”

“Well you threw that fireball at that man in Antiva. Those would hurt more than a snow ball,” Liana said defiantly and Lochlyn smirked darkly. “Yeah that one might bite me in the ass later.”

“You were in Anitva,” Josephine inquired after she took a sip of her wine. She nodded and began talking to the ambassador while Cullen leaned to the blonde girl who was still staring at him.

“I’d throw snowballs at him too if I could,” he whispered and the girls eyes lit up while a hand hit him hard against his shoulder.

“I heard that,” Lochlyn glared at him playfully and he shrugged and sat back up, drinking his ale to hide his smile.

“So Liana did you enjoy the Hinterlands,” he asked as the girl ate her soup. “Other than the fighting.”

She nodded and smiled. “There was a lot of elfroot. We took it to Adan. There were _maparis_ too but they were mean. Mama wouldn't let me pet them.”

Cullen smiled and nodded. “ _Mabaris_ and yes, wild packs of them are dangerous. You also should never touch an animal without asking an adult though.”

Liana nodded then stared at the table. “Can you own mabaris Commander?”

His heart stuttered everytime she addressed him as his title. “You don't have to call me Commander Liana. Cullen works fine,” he forced out slowly. That's not what he wanted her to call him but hearing his title hurt worse. This was at least a step. Lochlyn watched him, no emotion on her face but Liana frowned. “But that's what Mama and everyone else call you.”

“‘Ana,” her mother said softly. “You don't need to call him by his title. You're not a soldier or me.” _She didn't say she had to call him by his name either._ His heart soared with hope for a moment. 

The girl nodded then smiled. “You still didn't answer my question _Cullen,_ ” she drew out slowly and he found himself laughing airly. “You're right. I’m sorry. If you find a breeder, you can most definitely own a mabari. I wanted one myself growing up. I think all Fereldans want a mabari at one point in time.”

Liana nodded then got a big smile. “Mama can we get a mabari?”

The woman laughed and shook her head. “First of all, we are Marchers. We don’t own mabari. Secondly, cub where would we keep it? We don't have anywhere right now.” The girls face fell and Cullen quickly dove in. “Maybe after the Breach is closed, your mother and I can find one to travel with you.” 

Lochlyn stared at him wide-eyed but the little girls eyes had already lit up with excitement. “Oh please mama! Pleeease?” She turned to look at her mother, eyes wide like a mabari puppy. The mage glared at Cullen who shrugged and looked away with a smirk.

“We will see,” she said finally while glaring at the Commander. The girl squealed happily and leapt out of her mothers lap, hugging his waist the best she could. 

“Thank you Cullen,” she said softly. He blinked in shock for a moment, looking at Lochlyn who was nodding her hand towards him. He chuckled and hugged her back, his heart thudding excitedly.

“You're welcome Liana.”

The girl stepped back and yawned, rubbing her eyes. Lochlyn smiled and stood up, motioning for the girl to head towards the door. “Come on cub, it's time for you to go to bed.”

“But mama I'm not tired. I wanna stay up with you and Cullen and Varric and Cass,” she said between yawns. Cullen smiled and stood up as well. “I'll walk with you.” Lochlyn swept the girl up in her arms, the sleepy child burying her face into her mothers neck. They bid their dinner companions good night and headed out of the tavern.

The walk to her cabin was quiet, aside from the girls small questions about mabari. He couldn't help but smile as they walked. Liana seemed at ease around him and Lochlyn seemed to want to involve him more. He would need to thank Rylen after drill the following day. 

Cullen opened the door to her cabin. “Let me get her settled, then can I come talk to you,” Lochlyn whispered. He nodded and waited outside the cabin. The inside lit up as he assumed she lit the fireplace to take the chill out of the air. After a few minutes, she exited the cabin.

They walked silently for a while, walking around the lake until they reached the pier on the other side. Cullen watched as Lochlyn walked down the bank to the frozen waters edge and sat down. Finally a dry laugh escaped her.

“A _fucking_ mabari Cullen?”

He laughed and followed her down, sitting beside her. “She seemed really taken by them.”

“Yeah because she saw them and the first thing she did was run towards them.” She shook her head and sighed. “Damn Fereldans and their obsession with dogs.”

“Hey now,” Cullen said with mock offense. “Our daughter is part Fereldan. It's in her blood.”

He heard her snort and smiled. She hadn’t corrected him. It was a step in the right direction.

“How would we be able to take care of one on the run anyway,” she whispered softly, suddenly very serious.

Cullen remained silent for a minute, choosing his words carefully. “So don't.”

Lochlyn turned to him and frowned. “What do you mean don't? I can’t get a dog then not take care of it.”

Cullen sighed. _Maker don't let this flop._ “I mean... Don't run. Stay. In Haven.”

“Cullen, I-”

“Just hear me out Lochlyn,” he said quickly and for once, she actually remained silent. “After we close the Breach, don't run. Stay here. With the Inquisition.”

“You know I can't.”

He frowned. “Why can't you? Lochlyn we can _protect_ you. You and Liana are safe here. You don't need to run anymore.”

She sighed and put her head on her knees. Cullen watched as she didn't move for a moment. Regret filled him. He said the wrong thing. He just pushed her away. His heart raced and he stared at the ground.

“I had every intention of telling her who you were tonight,” she whispered instead. Cullen looked at her and she stared out over the lake. The moons had started to rise over them, creating some light on the frozen water. 

“She needs to know... In case...” She trailed off but Cullen knew what she meant. 

“In case you die.”

She nodded and stretched her legs out in front of her. “I've nearly died more times in the last month than I have the entire time we’ve been on the run.” She shook her head. “Plus the Breach almost killed me twice now. You know what they say. _Third times the charm._ ” She slowly stood up and glanced down at him. “Besides, she's already started to ask if _her father_ will join the Inquisition. She's starting to ask questions and I can’t keep dancing around it very much longer.”

Lochlyn glanced at the darkening sky and sighed. “Anyway, we should head back. I don't want her waking up to me not there.”

The walk back to the village gate was quiet, neither of them saying much. In the distance a wolf howled and he gripped his sword. He looked at Lochlyn who was smiling, gently biting her lip as she glanced towards the woods. She looked oddly at peace now despite the earlier conversations.

He he said his farewells at the gates and turned to walk to his tent. They didn’t discuss the earlier conversation. 

Cullen started taking pieces of his armor off, his mind still going over it. He spent years regretting that night. It made his skin crawl. He thought himself no better than any of the other Templars that abused their role. Then in a fit of his own cowardice, called for her to be made Tranquil. That she had _seduced_ him. 

Cullen thudded onto his bed and rubbed his face with a groan. Part of him didn't believe what she had said. Wanted to believe she was just sparing his feelings. The look of shock and disbelief when he had said... _that._ Made the other part of him slightly hopeful. Hopeful that _just maybe_ she was telling the truth. 

He laid down and tucked his hands under his head, closing his eyes and turning his brain off. They would have to talk tomorrow after the War Table meeting. There was no choice.

~~~

After what felt like hours, he finally drifted off into a fitful sleep. It didn't last long. Something caused him to jerk awake. Something wasn't right. He sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“Cullen!” 

The loud whimpering cry came from outside his tent. Standing quickly, he tore back the flaps of his tent as Liana came charging through. 

“Liana, what's wrong,” he asked urgently. Other soldiers had woken up now, hearing the cry and stumbled out of their tents. 

The girls tears poured down her face and her body shook. He reached out to touch her shoulder, an attempt to calm her, but she pulled away from him. “No you have to help her!”

“Help who sweetie?”

“Mama!” She cried harder and he quickly led her to his tent, Rylen now running up to him. 

“Commander,” he said breathlessly as Cullen grabbed his sword from inside the tent. 

“Stay with her,” he barked and Rylen slipped into the tent as Cullen ran towards Lochlyns cabin. She didn't say what happened but it couldn’t be good if it had the normally cheerful girl crying. The door was only propped open slightly but he couldn't see what was happening. The sound of ceramic breaking gave him cause to enter, the door clattering open. 

A hooded figure in the familiar brown and green stood in the room. He got ready to address them but his blood ran hot as he saw the Herald pressed against the wall, one hand around her throat squeezing it and the other attempted to plunge a blade into her chest. Both her hands were wrapped around the blade, preventing it from slipping under her ribs but he could see her face was already red and her eyes were fluttering.

He charged forward and wrapped his arm around the assailant neck, the crook of his elbow squeezing tightly around their throat. Lochlyn collapsed into the ground, coughing heavily. He heard footsteps behind him as Cassandra ran past him, helping Lochlyn to her bed. Leliana was right behind her as the struggling assassin collapsed in his arms. _Liana must have woken the whole village when she ran out..._

Cullen let him drop to the ground as Leliana checked his pulse. “Still alive,” she muttered and motioned two scouts to follow in. “Put him in a cell,” she whispered and the scouts nodded. They picked up the would-be assassin and dragged him off. 

Lochlyn had recovered now, her throat starting to bruise. “Liana,” she asked breathlessly and started to stand but Cassandra pushed her back down. 

“She's fine. She's in my tent with Rylen,” Cullen whispered. Lochlyn nodded and groaned as she stretched, her hand lowering to her left side. She pulled back her hand that was now covered in blood and chuckled.

“Oh yeah. I forgot that happened,” she said breathlessly and Cullen nodded to the soldier outside the door to retrieve Solas. The man saluted and jogged off. Lochlyn began fidgeting and Cassandra was struggling to keep her in one spot. 

“Stop moving. We don't know if the blade was poisoned and if it was, you are just pushing it through your body.” The Seeker frowned at her and Cullen moved to stand in the doorway. A crowd had started to form in the night and he had to resist the urge to tell them to disperse. Cassandra did that for him, telling them to return to their beds.

“Oh it was,” she said through gritted teeth and Cullen tensed up. “How do you know?”

“It's magesbane,” she said and sighed. “That's why I couldn't defend myself.” Cullen released a breath he didn't know he held. It wouldn't kill her, just prevent any magic until it was out of her system. Which would take the better part of the day, maybe even two. 

Solas made his way into the cabin, frowning at the woman. He knelt beside her and began to examine her side. Cullen motioned for Cassandra and they stepped outside. 

“Stay with her. I'm going to get Liana,” he whispered and she nodded, taking over his spot as he stalked towards his tent. He pulled back the flap as Rylen sat on the ground, the girl in his lap wrapped in the blanket from Cullens cot.

“Liana,” Cullen whispered and she jumped slightly. He crouched and held his hand out, looking at her red face and shining eyes.

“Where's mama,” she whispered and Cullen smiled gently. “She's fine. Do you want to go see her?”

The girl scrambled out of his friends lap and took his hand as he stood up. Rylen followed him out and he paused to lean over to him. “Start a patrol, make sure no one else is lurking.” The soldier nodded and jogged to his tent to get suited up.

Cullen led the girl back to the cabin where Solas had finished patching up the stab wound. She darted in and Lochlyn wrapped her arms around her daughter tightly. 

“I did it mama. I went and got Cullen,” she whispered and he noticed Lochlyns smile and kiss her head. “Yes you did cub. Very good.”

“We will need to discuss this tomorrow,” Leliana said softly and everyone nodded in agreement. No point in doing it tonight. They could get more done tomorrow when everyone was well rested. Or as rested as one could be after an attempted assassination.

Cassandra and Leliana left, he assumed to sleep though he felt the spymaster was going to do anything but. He was the only left standing in the room. Liana had curled into her mothers embrace and had started to doze off.

“I'll station some soldiers outside your cabin,” he whispered.

“No!” Both parents looked at the girl who had new tears in her eyes. “Can you do it instead?”

Lochlyn looked at him with a somewhat sad and almost pleading look on her own face. He didn't want to leave them alone truth be told. He had just told Lochlyn they were safe there, just to be attacked by an assassin within the walls. They likely didn’t trust anyone else right now. Maker he couldn't blame them.

He nodded and sat on the floor in front of the fireplace. The girl curled into Lochlyns lap again and looked up at her. “Mama can you sing me that song,” she whispered and he watched her nod with a smile. 

“Of course cub.” She laid her on the bed and slid behind her, humming softly as she covered her with furs.

_“Elgara vallas, da'len_

_Melava somniar_

_Mala taren aravas_

_Ara ma'desen melar.”_

Cullen watched in wonder as the mother of his child softly sang to the girl,smoothing her hair back gently. He recognized the word _da’len_ and realized it was in Elven, curious where she had learned it. She had mentioned her mother was an elf.

_“Iras ma ghilas, da'len_

_Ara ma'nedan ashir_

_Dirthara lothlenan'as_

_Bal emma mala dir.”_

He watched as the girls golden eyes drifted shut slowly, her tense body slowly relaxing under her mothers soft words and gentle pets.

_“Tel'enfenim, da'len_

_Irassal ma ghilas_

_Ma garas mir renan_

_Ara ma'athlan vhenas_

_Ara ma'athlan vhenas.”_

He felt his own eyes slowly drifting shut as she finished, his head tilting back to rest against the stone fireplace behind him. He heard a soft chuckle from across the room and thought it was followed by a _good night Cullen_ before he let sleep take him for the second time that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Elven Lullaby is found in The World of Thedas vol. 2


	6. Chapter 6

Lochlyn hadn’t slept that night. She wanted nothing more than to escape. To run through the woods beside the village. Her body was still vibrating from her encounter that morning. Her throat still ached, she had sipped some water hoping to alleviate the pain but it just it worse. She’d stop by Adans later, get a potion after breakfast. 

She peeked at the commander, who still slept in the spot by the fireplace. She had watched as he dozed off shortly after sitting down and couldn’t help but laugh. He looked like a child, head tilted back and mouth slightly cracked open, a soft snore escaping. A small line of drool had rolled out of the corner of his mouth at some point in time and dried on his cheek. Lochlyn glanced at the sleeping child, her face almost identical. Lochlyn couldn’t help but chuckle and tuck one of her loose blond curls behind her.

The sun had started to peek through the window, the orange light brightening the room. She knew she needed to wake him, he had his duties. Slowly she slid to the foot of the bed and crept off, careful to not wake the sleeping child. She tiptoed to the sleeping leader and crouched beside him.

“Commander,” she whispered, hoping it would wake him up. 

He didn't move.

“Commander,” she whispered a little louder and gave him a gentle shove. 

Nothing.

“Makers balls,” she groaned softly before standing up. She took a step back before leaning over and pushing him over onto his side.

That woke him.

His hand flung to his blade and she quickly threw up a barrier. His eyes were wide in a panic and she started to feel guilty.

“Commander,” she said softly as he righted himself and removed his hand from the sword. Lochlyn let her barrier fall and she crouched beside him again, letting her elbows rest on her knees. Cullen glanced up at her and sighed.

“I- uh apologized,” he muttered and she couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Commander, if anyone should apologize it’s me. I did shove you over.” She glanced at him and chuckled softly. He wore a plain cotton tunic and brown colored breeches instead of his usual armor. “Guess you do take that armor off huh?” 

The bed shifted and a soft whimper came from under the blankets. Lochlyn stood up, making quick strides to the bed. She was sure Cullen was watching her but she didn't care. She sat on the edge of the bed and gently shook the child.

“Liana it's time to wake up,” she said softly but firmly. The girl whined and curled into a ball. She frowned and shook her slightly harder. “Liana, wake up.”

The girl sat up with a gasp. Lochlyn let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding and smoothed her hair. “Mama..” the girl whimpered out and rubbed her eyes.

“Hush cub. It was a bad dream and it’s over now,” she whispered and smoothed her daughters now wild hair. 

“I should get going,” Cullen said. She hadn’t heard him stand up but she nodded. 

“We need to make a few stops before the meeting anyway,” she said with a small smile. Liana looked at him and gave him a sleepy smile. “Thank you for staying Ser Cullen,” the girl said with a sleep-heavy voice. Lochlyn watched him give a small smile and a bow. 

“It was my honor Lady Liana,” he said. He had that lost puppy dog look in his eye, one she saw all too often in the child. She gave in a sympathetic smile and shrugged. They would have to talk later. Maker knew she couldn’t keep putting it off.

Cullen left the cabin and Lochlyn stood up. “Come on cub. Let’s get changed and breakfast. Then we will start your studies.”

~~~

It was almost noon by the time she finished her morning errands. News of the attack had spread through the village like wildfire. Most of the people avoided her, gave her a polite nod of their heads with a quiet ‘Herald’. 

Not that she minded. She preferred not being crowded. 

She had planned on stopping by Adans but decided Solas was a better option. There were things she had wanted to discuss with him anyhow. That lasted longer than planned and when they finished their discussions, it was nearly noon. 

Lochlyn started towards the Chantry and noticed the crowd gathering around the doors. The tension in the air hung heavily and she slowed her step. “Liana why don’t you go play for a bit,” she suggested, her eyes not leaving the crowd.

“But I don’t wanna-”

“Liana,” she said firmly and the girl suddenly nodded and ran off. Lochlyn walked towards the crowd hearing the argument ensure between a mage and templar. She couldn’t help but bite her cheek, remembering the soldier in the Hinterlands. If there was infighting between mages and templars, the Inquisition was doomed with her as the Herald. She still needed to talk to Cullen about-

“Enough!”

She felt herself jump at the loud voice. She watched as Cullen forced himself between the fighters. She sat back and watched the situation de-escalate.. She had to admit she was impressed. He really was a different man than he was in Kirkwall, even refusing his Templar title. 

“... We are _all_ part of the Inquisition!”

“And what, pray tell, does that mean?”

Of course he'd show up. Lochlyn felt herself growl softly and the people around her shifted away as she stalked forward. She planted herself at the commanders side and crossed her arms. 

“Commander _please_ tell me why we are allowing this pile of mabari shit remain here,” she said with a sneer. The Chancellor gasped and she watched Cullen wipe a hand over his face to keep the smile from forming.

“No point in making him a martyr just because he runs his mouth,” he grumbled and she couldn’t help but snort. 

“Good thing I’m going to Val Royeaux. I’ll make them see reason,” she said and stared up at the sky. _Andraste give me strength._

“I pray you’re right,” he whispered and motioned for her to follow him into the Chantry.

“Will you be joining us,” she asked as the doors shut and he shook his head.

“No, I have to oversee the soldiers training. Plus someone needs to make sure the walls stay standing while you are gone.” This time she couldn’t hold back the laugh and shook her head.

“Sure the Chancellor will allow that?” She smiled at the groan he let out and shrugged. “Who knows? Maybe my visit with the clerics will go _so_ well, they will call him back!”

“Wouldnt that be nice?”

He pushed the door open to the War Room where Josephine and Leliana were already standing and conversing among themselves while Cassandra stood over a map.

“Oh good you're here,” Josephine chirped and Lochlyn couldn’t help but smile. “Yep, I am here. Can’t go anywhere else with this thing on my hand.” She waved her marked hand and shrugged.

“We should start with the attack last night,” Leliana said softly and the once cheery atmosphere turned somber. Lochlyn nodded and wrapped her arms around her waist. The tremble returned and she felt herself take a deep breath. “Alright. Do we know anything?”

“Surprisingly yes. The assassin did not seem to hold any loyalty and once he came to, he told us everything.” Lelianas eyes darkened and Lochlyn couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable. “Okay. And...? Who is responsible?”

The room remained quiet and she glanced around the room. “Hello? Will someone tell me who tried to kill me?”

“Ahh, it would appear... your mother put out the hit.” Josephines voice was small and timid. Lochlyn frowned and shook her head. “No my mother died when I was in Kirkwall-” Her eyes widened and she leaned on the table. “Oh. Lady Trevelyan you mean?”

“Uhh yes Herald,” Josephine said. Lochlyn sighed and shook her head, her braid falling to the side. “She’s been trying to kill me for years. Once she learned of my escape from the Gallows.” She huffed then laughed, tilting her head slightly. “Part of me thinks she had hoped I would of died there.” She saw Cullen shifted around uncomfortably and sighed.

“So what do we do?” She looked at Leliana and smiled. “Send the assassin’s body back in pieces?”

“Ahh maybe something less... violent,” the ambassador suggested. Lochlyn couldn’t help but chuckle. “Alright Josephine, what do you suggest?”

“Well we need to determine if its the hand of the Crows or the House of Repose.”

Lochlyn waved her hand and shook her head. “No she wouldn’t trust them with something like this yet. She liked to use people who had nothing to lose if caught. People who were already murderers and such.”

Josephine tapped her board, deep in thought. Lochlyn shrugged and glanced at the map. “How about a simple _fuck off,”_ she suggested and the ambassador cringed while she heard Cullen mutter a plea under his breath. “Maybe in better words? Though I still think we should send the assassin-”

“Okay I shall draft up a letter of warning after the meeting,” she said quickly. Lochlyn met Lelianas eyes and sighed glumly.

“Pardon me for asking, but how did she know you... escaped,” Cullen asked with his hand on his neck and the Herald laughed softly. “Well, I simply wrote home to my father and told him I was an apostate now.”

“Er... Really?” She met the confused haze of the commander and laughed harder. “Well yeah. I was pregnant and terrified. Either he chose to ignore it or my ‘mother’ intercepted the letter. I regularly had people after me. Disgraced templars with promises of lyrium to the hearts content or convicts with the promises of riches. Until Liana was born. We were safe for three years. Until the mage rebellion in Kirkwall happened and Rylen had to leave.” She shrugged and smirked.

“Bitch hasn’t succeeded yet,” she whispered as her hand traced the large scar on her chest. Then she cleared her throat and looked around the table. “So let’s discuss this trip to Val Royeaux. I’ve never been there so this should be fun.”

“You can’t be serious,” Cullen asked, pinching the bridge of his nose. He did that when he was annoyed or frustrated, she noted.

“Well yeah. I am. This will be fun. All the nobles and such. Also dealing with the Chantry. Maybe even score some allies?” She tried her sudden excitement but couldn’t. It rolled off her in waves

“Are we going to ignore the danger to you then,” Leliana asked in her usual soft tone. She wore a small frown now instead of her usual emotionless face.

“I mean, I’ll be in danger no matter where I go,” Lochlyn said nonchalantly. “Besides Mother Giselle is right. The only thing they have going for them is that they are united. If I can make even _one_ of them doubt, it will be a win in my books.”

“I’ll go with her if you are so worried about her,” Cassandra said stepping up. Lochlyn smiled at the warrior and gently pushed her shoulder. "Glad to see you so worried about me."

The Seeker rolled her eyes but didn't say anything, confirming her thoughts. She _did_ have a soft spot for the little shadow.

“I still think this is a waste-”

“What choice do we have Leliana,” Cassandra pleaded. “No one will talk to us without the Chantrys support!”

“She’s got a point,” Lochlyn muttered and turned to hoist herself onto the table.

“So are we agreed? I mean, I think I will go either way.”

Cassandra turned to her with a rare smirk and crossed her arms. “What happened to the serious Herald that tried to attack me and the Chancellor?” Lochlyn shrugged and leaned back on her elbows, knocking over some of the markers on the map. “Maybe its nerves from traveling again. We leave tomorrow after breakfast?”

“Will you be on time this time?”

She felt the smirk form and nod. “Of course.”

They continued the discussion, dishing out different jobs for the leaders to take care of while she was gone. She made sure to stress the need for the watchtowers to Cullen. 

“Won’t do us any good to start ruining our alliances now,” she said matter of factly.

A knock on the door ended the conversation and Cassandra pulled the door open with a scowl. A soldier stood at the door looking either confused or wary. “Sorry for the interruption Lady Cassandra but we need the Lady Herald...”

Lochlyn peeked out the door and smiled warmly. “I’m here. What’s going on?”

Cullen had made his way around the table to see the soldier and the man seemed to freeze up.

“Out with it Clark,” he commanded and the man nodded, his body tensing up to stand at attention.

“Yes ser. Uhh Herald it seems your daughter... started a physical altercation with a boy in the village.”

Lochlyn sighed and buried her face in her hands. “Maker you really can’t make this easy can you,” she muttered and flipped her head back up. “Okay, where did you send her? Evidently I need to have a talk with her. _Again._ ”

The soldier shuffled his feet and suddenly looked more nervous. “Uhh the fights still going on...”

 _“What,”_ Cullen yelled and Lochlyn was jumping off the table to run out the door. “Why didn't you stop it,” she heard him ask and heard his footfalls following behind her.

“We-Well it was the Heralds daughter...”

She didn't hear him finish the last part as she pushed the Chantry doors open and looked around. There was yet another growing crowd down by where Varric normally sat. She jumped over the stone ledge and right into the middle of the would-be fighting ring. Varric stood between the two kids, the boy looking not much older than her daughter. Where the boy didn't seem to want to fight anymore, Liana was still pushing against Varrics hand trying to get to her target.

“What’s going on here,” she yelled, louder than she planned. The boy bounced back while her daughter tried to use the distraction to slip around Varric but Lochlyn wrapped her arms around her waist. 

Cullen came down the stairs with the soldier in tow. “All of you who did not witness the start of the fight, leave now.” His voice boomed over the buzz and the majority of the group dispersed immediately. Lochlyn looked between the kids and sighed, trying to reign in her frustration. 

“What are you doing Liana,” she groaned as she dragged the girl away from the boy. She had a split lip but other than that she seemed fine. The boy had blood running from his nose so she could only assume he took a hit to the nose.

“He was running his mouth about you,” the girl said angrily. Lochlyn sighed and pulled her handkerchief out of her pocket to dab her daughters lip. “Cub you cant keep blowing up at people for speaking their opinions about me.”

“It wasn’t just you,” the girl whimpered. Now the tears threatened to fall. “He called me a bastard.” The girl wiped her eyes quickly and glared at the boy. 

“Did he hit you first?” Lochlyn really wanted to justify her childs actions honestly. 

“...No.” The girl looked down at the ground with guilt.

Lochlyn sighed and stood up, tucking the bloody cloth into her pocket. She turned towards the boy that the commander was checking over.

“Varric,” she said softly and the dwarf put his hands up with a light chuckle. “Hey don’t look at me. I just stopped it. Your little spitfire held her own rather well."

“Is that true,” she said with a sigh. A headache was starting to blossom behind her eyes and she wanted nothing more than to nap. The boy shrugged and Cullen stood up with his own sigh.

“Clark go get Lieutenant Benton please,” he said softly and the soldier saluted before walking off. The boys eyes widened and he shook his head. “You don’t need to get my father ser.”

Cullen laughed lightly and shrugged. “You were just in a fight. I really do.”

“Well she started it!”

“You called me names and said Mama probably didn't even know who my daddy was!”

“That’s what everyone here says! Otherwise you would have his last name!” Lochlyn rubbed her temples in an attempt to relieve the pain. 

“I do! Its Liana Marie Rutherford!”

The crowd grew silent and Lochlyn pressed her palms into her eyes. However, the arguing between the kids didn't stop.

“Liar! The command-”

“Enough,” Cullen said sharply. Both kids stopped arguing and Lochlyn lifted her head to look at the group. Now Cullen was pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Commander ser you asked for- Cameron what happened to your face?” She watched as the soldier stopped to check his child.

“Lieutenant, apparently your child was in a fight,” Cullen said in his best Commander voice. The soldier frowned at his child and crossed his arms. “With who?”

“Apparently my daughter,” Lochlyn spoke up with an awkward smile. The mans eyes widened and he turned to scold the child but she held up her hand. “No, she threw the first punch evidently. He just... retaliated. It was just an argument that escalated.”

The boy looked up at her with wide eyes then back at his father who had the same exhausted look as the other two parents. “My apologies Herald. It won’t happen again,” he said firmly and the boy lowered his head to the ground.

“Liana,” she said and the girl stepped forward with a dangerous gleam in her amber eyes. “You need to apologize for hitting Cameron.”

The girls eyes widened and she crossed her arms. “But Mama he called me-”

“Liana,” she said again and this time more firmly. “The only time I won’t make you apologize is when you act in self-defense. You wrongly hit him now say you are sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” the girl muttered and after a quick glare from her mother said it with much more conviction.

“Cameron you need to apologize to,” Benton said and the boy looked up at him confused. 

“Why? She hit me-”

“For calling her names and insulting the Herald,” he said firmly and the boys eyes widened more. “I apologize,” he said softly.

“Herald I do want to apologize as well-” 

“Don’t worry about it Lieutenant,” she said with a tired smile. “I’m sure it won’t be the last time either of them is in a scrap. Hopefully the last one with each other.”

He nodded and Cullen stepped forward. “Take time to attend to your son and then return to your post,” he said softly and the man saluted him before walking off with his son.

She watched as Cullen turned to face her and Lochlyn shrugged. “Well I guess that’s one thing taken care of,” she said with a half-smile but Cullen just had a blank look on his face.

“Mama are you mad at me?”

She looked down at the girl who now had tears running down her face. “Cub I’m not mad, I’m...” She didn't want to say disappointed but struggled to find a word to replace it. She couldn’t fault her daughter for defending her. 

“I’m frustrated,” she said finally while wiping away the girls tears. “I don’t want you to get hurt and you never know if the person will be a better fighter than you.” The girl nodded and sniffled. 

“You mean like the guy that tried to take me away,” she whispered and Lochlyn flinched unwillingly but nodded.

“Exactly. He, unfortunately, was the better fighter and we know how that happened.” She stood up and clapped her hands together, forcing a smile onto her face. “Anyway, Liana come with me. There’s someone I want you to meet. Again.” The girl tilted her head with curiosity but followed behind her mother.

Lochlyn motioned for Cullen to follow who still wore an expressionless look on his face. They walked back to her cabin slowly and she shut the door behind them. She watched as the girl climbed onto the bed and stretched out.

“Hey Mama,” the girl asked suddenly while she started a fire.

“Yes cub?”

“Why did Cameron say I was lying? I know my name. We practiced it lots of times.”

Lochlyn sighed and shook her head, standing up as the fire grew. “Because he doesn’t know you.”

The girl frowned but shrugged. Lochlyn walked over and sat beside her on the bed. “Liana, we need to have a talk.”

“Oh.” The girls smile suddenly fell. “Am I still in trouble?”

“No. No cub you aren’t,” she said with a soft smile. She glanced over at Cullen who now wore a worried expression instead of the blank slate from earlier. 

“Liana, I want you to look at Cullen and tell me what you see.” The girl tilted her head in confusion but smiled anyway.

“I see... the scar on his lip.” Lochlyn laughed and nodded, watching Cullen reach up to rub the back of his neck. 

“Well yeah. But what else?”

“Well, he has a big furry cape.”

“Well yes, but-”

“And he has brown eyes. Like mine,” she said softly. Lochlyn smirked and nodded. Cullen stood across the room, almost like a statue.

“And his hair is blond. Like mine. But it’s not curly like mine,” she said almost curiously. Lochlyn nodded and took a deep breath. “And do you know what his last name is?”

Liana sat for a moment with a frown on her face. “No I don’t think-” Her eyes lit up suddenly and she nodded. “When I was with Uncle Rylen, waiting for you to wake up! He called him Rutherford! Commander Rutherford but told me I could call him Commander when I saw him!” The girl bounced excitedly. “I remembered because it was like mine but I thought it was him given name. Like mine is Liana.”

Lochlyn couldn’t help but chuckle softly at the girls excitement. “This was a fun game Mama.” Suddenly the girls face turned into a look of confusion. “Mama, if his name is Rutherford and my name is Rutherford... Is he my father?” Lochlyn bit the inside of her lip, her daughter suddenly sounding much older than just seven years old.

She pointed at Cullen and shrugged. “Why don’t you ask him?”

Liana turned to face him and Lochlyn watched his demeanor change from statue to... Maker he looked like he was going to pass out. Liana slid off the bed and walked over to him, crossing her arms. 

“Cullen Rutherford are you my father,” she asked with such a serious tone Lochlyn had to cover her mouth to keep a laugh from escaping. Cullen crouched down in from of the girl and nodded with a lopsided grin.

“Yes Liana, I am,” he said softly. The girl unfolded her arms and nodded. Then turned back to her mother. 

“Mama can I go out and play? I promise I won’t start anymore fights,” she added quickly and Lochlyn sighed with a nod. 

“Yes you may. We are leaving tomorrow and will be gone for a while so enjoy it while you can.”

The girl nodded and ran out the door, presumably to find a new kid to play with. She prayed silently that no more fights happened. She was exhausted from dealing with just the one.

“So,” she said finally after a very pregnant silence. Cullen hadn’t moved much from his spot, just leaned against the wall now. “She knows.”

She watched as Cullen remained silent, a stupid lopsided smirk on his face. Her urge to throw something at him to get _any_ response out of him was growing with each silent minute.

“You realize she’s going out there to brag to all the kids right,” he finally said and that finally broke her. Lochlyn started laughing and tears rolled down her cheeks. Cullen followed behind her and they laughed for a minute before she finally calmed enough to wipe her tears away.

“Your kid finally knows you exist and all you can think about is her bragging?”

“Well yeah. And getting her that mabari.”

Lochlyns eyes widened and she shook her head with a light laugh. “Absolutely not. _No mabari._ ”

He pouted some before standing up. “We should probably discuss-”

“Later Commander,” she said smoothly. “I have a trip to Val Royeaux I need to finish preparing for and you need to get back to work. I’ve distracted you enough over these last two days.”

He nodded and returned to his _Commander_ face before opening the door and letting her pass. 

“Lochlyn,” he whispered before parting ways with her. “Thank you.”


	7. Chapter 7

Two weeks. Everywhere they seemed to go always seemed to be far away. Lochlyn almost kissed the ground after the ship docked. They encountered a storm while sailing, delaying their arrival by a day. But they made it. Alive. The city lay in front of the group, shining in blues and golds.

She watched as her daughter ran ahead of her a few steps, looking at all the statues with bright curious eyes. 

“The city still mourns,” Cassandra said softly. Lochlyn nodded as she glanced at a passing couple. The woman paused for a moment before running past them. Liana looked after the woman before looking at her mother. 

“Mama why is that woman running?”

“Just a guess, but I think they know who we are,” Varric whispered. The girl scrunched her face in confusion.

“I thought we were the good guys?”

“We are cub, however the Chantry would have people believe differently.”

“Oh.”

As they made it to the gates, the familiar green and brown uniform ran up to them and kneeled before them.

“You're one of Lelianas people arent you?”

“Yes Lady Herald. The Chantry mother awaits you, as well as a great many templars.”

Liana gripped her mothers hand, a soft whimper coming out. “It’ll be fine cub,” she whispered and looked at the scout.

“Why are the Templars here?”

“The people seem to think they will protect them from the Inquisition.”

Lochlyn scoffed and shook her head. They were the only ones trying to fix everything. What did they gain by fearing them?

She listened as the scout pointed where the meeting was and nodded her thanks. They started walking into the market, Lochlyn keeping a tight grip on her daughters hand. She glanced at the group around her and lowered her voice. 

“We need to keep this as peaceful as possible,” she whispered to Cassandra as she was closest. “There will be close quarters and we have nowhere for Liana to hide should a fight start.” The Seeker nodded and they continued their push into the market.

They stood in the crowd, trying to blend in as much as four adventurers could. They listened as the Mother preached, waiting for a moment of pause. It never came. Her eyes locked onto the Heralds and she immediately started in on her.

“We came here to talk peacefully,” Lochlyn yelled above the crowd and pushed forward. “I am not your enemy! The Breach is our enemy and we need to unite to stop it!”

“It’s true,” Cassandra added. “We are seeking to end this madness before it's too late!”

“Mama..” Lochlyn looked down at her daughter who had shrank behind her, pointing at the wall of metal marching towards the platform.

“Liana stay behind me,” she whispered and watched as the men marched towards them. Her muscles tensed as they climbed the platform and one of the soldiers punched the woman. 

Heat filled Lochlyns face and she stepped forward, anger bursting. “What is the meaning of this,” she yelled. 

“Her claim to authority is an insult, much like yours," the man who seemed to be leading them yelled out. Lochlyn growled softly and clenched her fist. She wanted nothing more than to freeze the asshole in his spot. Yet she knew better. Even with three companions, it would take one _Silence_ to incapacitate her. Peaceful. This needed to stay peaceful. Or at least the rest of the meeting anyway.

Cassandra moved to the side, hoping to head him off. She followed behind her. Her rage only grew as she watched the man disrespect the woman. The woman who was growing to be a close friend.

Lochlyn moved to stand beside her friend, flexing her marked hand. 

“You all should be ashamed! We failed no one when we left the Chantry to purge the mages!”

She narrowed her eyes at the man, listening to his monologue. Finally she had enough.

“We need your help to close the Breach,” she said loudly. “One of your own helps commands the Inquisitions forces! Join us as he did! Throw aside this pointless crusade and join us to help defeat the real enemy!”

“Ah yes the Templar who abandoned The Order. Just how long will he show you loyalty before he finds a new cause to follow?”

“He would never do that!” Lochlyn stuck her hand out as her daughter tried to charge forward, stopping her in her tracks.

“Lord Seeker, thats the one the others were talking about,” a non-armored soldier whispered and the Lord Seeker looked between the mother and daughter before sneering.

“So it would seem. Tell me Herald, why would you bring your child on such dangerous missions?”

“She can handle herself,” she snarled and tightened her grip on her daughter.

The man smirked and his eyes never left her jade colored ones. “Seems like a senseless danger. Especially when you never know what might... happen.” She instantly sprang forward.

“Don’t you dare threaten my daughter.”

She didn't see his hand come up until it connected to the left side of her face. Her balance was thrown off and she felt hands steady her, hearing metal ringing out around her. The blood ran down her face, the cuts from the backside of his gauntlets spread across her cheek and her lip.

She held her hand out, signaling her people to hold back. The man in front of her sneered, silently goading her to do something.

Instead she reached over and lowered Cassandras blade. If a fight started, it would not be because of her. The man narrowed his eyes before raising his arms and telling his soldiers to move out. Lochlyn watched as the darker skinned templar who had stood by the Chantry mother had lingered and she nodded towards him.

“The invitation is still open for any Templar who wishes to join us,” she said softly. He was on the edge, she could tell. He just nodded and moved to follow the soldiers. 

“Has Lord Seeker Lucius gone mad?” 

Lochlyn couldn't help but laugh as she brought a hand up to check her face. The bleeding had stopped on her cheek but her lip still leaked some. 

“I'm assuming he wasn't always like this?”

“No he... he was always a decent man. He took over the Seekers two years ago after Lord Seeker Lamberts death. This is... very bizarre.”

Lochlyn sighed and glanced around. “Well lets hope we can reason with him. That templar I talked to looked extremely hesitant so maybe he can sway him.”

“Either way, we should head back to Haven and let them know what happened.”

“Excuse me?”

Lochlyn turned and saw a merchant motioning over to them. She walked over to her and gave her a crooked smile, her face burning from the hit.

“Is it true? The Inquisition is going to close up the hole in the sky?”

She nodded. “That's the plan.”

The woman looked around nervously and wrung her hands. “No ones doing anything. And I never thought the Templars would abandon us.”

“I don't think anyone expected that,” Lochlyn said softly. Even if she didn't care for them, she knew not everyone shared her feelings. It wouldn't do anyone any good to start another arguing match.

The woman nodded in agreement. “Your camp will need food. I'd like to help. I've never been a part of anything big before but if you are going to heal the sky I want to help. I have some contacts, we can have food there in days.”

Lochlyn thought for a moment before turning to Cassandra. “What do you think?”

The Seeker rolled her eyes. “I think she was asking you, not me.”

_Some help you are._

“You know what? Let's do it. Head to Haven, we will need the help.”

They finished up their business and she began to walk off with the group. Her face ached but she refused to heal it until they settled into camp for the night. Who knew who was watching right now? It could just show weakness, and she wasn’t about to give anyone that power.

They made it to the middle of the courtyard when the telltale _whizz_ of an arrow buzzed past her ears. It landed at her feet and almost tripped her.

“Well that's a way to get my attention,” she muttered and leaned over seeing the note attached.

_People say you're special. I want to help. I can bring everyone._

_There's a baddie in Val Royeaux. I hear he wants to hurt you. Have a search for red things in the market, the docks and ‘round the cafe, and maybe you’ll get to meet him._

_Bring swords._

_Friends of Red Jenny._

Lochlyn looked over the map, that was poorly drawn, and glanced around. “Whelp, guess we are going on a scavenger hunt.”

~~~

“Why didn't you take their weapons?!”

The treasure hunt went just fine. They were stopped by a mage with an invite to a salon hosted by a First Enchanter then the leader of the mage rebellion, Grand Enchanter Fiona. Varric elected to stay behind with Liana at the inn. They knew there would be a battle so it was easier to leave to leave her somewhere safe with a trusted companion than run into the battle with nowhere for the girl to hide.

Then they got there and some pompous asshole immediately shot a fireball at her! She quickly pulled her staff off her back but didn't get the chance to use it before a quirky little elf put an arrow in his throat.

“Because no breeches!” The elf girl, Sera she had said her name was, was laughing like it was all a joke. Lochlyn couldn't help but laugh with her. It was silly, but as she froze the guards that charged her or impaled the ones further away, she felt _light_. Like it was all a game or dance. 

Then it was over all too soon.

“So, Herald of Andraste huh? I want to join you.”

“Well Sera, what can you bring to the table for us?” She didn’t want to turn her down, she was an _amazing_ shot. But she needed to know she wouldn't have her back stabbed once she turned it.

“Here's how it is. You _important_ people up here, shoving your cods around. ‘ _I'll crush you, I'll crush you.”_ Lochlyn couldn't help but giggle and blush some as the girl got side tracked pretending to make kissy noises. Cassandra let out a groan of disgust and the archer moved on.

“Then you’ve got cloaks and spy knives. Like this tit. Or maybe he was a little knife. All serious with his... little knife.” Another innuendo? Possibly. She couldn't shake the feeling Liana would be asking a lot of questions on the trip back.

“I'd love to listen more but do you have a point?” She wasn’t trying to come off as rude but it was dark and after the events of the day she really wanted to sleep.

The elf didn't seem amused now. “So you're one of those big people who don't care about what the little people think are you?”

“No, no it's not that. It's just... You saw what happened in the market. I just want to sleep in a real bed. Not some bedroll or bunk on a boat. If you are willing, we would love to have you and your... ‘friends’ in the Inquisition.” She ran a hand through her now loose braid, wispy strands of black hair flowing out. _Maker dont let me blow this._

Sera looked at her for a moment then glanced around at the group. “Didn't you have a dwarf earlier? And a kid?” 

Lochlyn nodded and scratched at the scabbed over wound on her cheek. “The kid is my daughter. You'll meet her in the morning as she is very likely asleep by now. The dwarf is Varric, he's another companion we have. That's also why I want to get back. I don't like leaving her alone for long periods of time.”

The archer seemed to ponder on that for a moment. “Yes. Get in good before you're too big to like. That'll keep your breeches where they belong!”

Lochlyn laughed and motioned for her new companion to follow. “Well let's hope so! I rather like my breeches where they are.”

~~~

Lochlyn never thought she would be so happy to see Haven. It took a week to reach Ghislaine Estate for the salon. The trip up wasn’t bad, besides Sera pranking everyone and teaching Liana how to do it without getting caught. She had actually been excited, hoping for no confrontations. 

Why did she ever think that? She was in Orlais. If someone wasn’t dead or dying, it wasn't a party. Sure enough, she ended up butting heads with a marquis who thought himself her better. 

Which ended in him being threatened by the First Enchanter, Vivienne, and thrown out of the party. After being pulled to the side, Lochlyn was reluctant to invite her aboard. She almost seemed like too much trouble. But her knowledge of The Game would be helpful in the long run, not to mention it would help having more allies from Orlais.

That's where the pleasantries ended.

The week ride back to Val Royeaux was spent dealing with Vivienne telling Sera to grow up and Sera pranking the various members of the group and Varric and Cassandras constant bickering about anything. And it continued on the boat ride.

Then the ride to Haven.

Almost three weeks of fighting.

She had finally had enough when the telltale gate showed up. Finally.

The usual crowd was awaiting them at the gates and she couldn’t wait to escape. Cullen awaited them, just as he had after she returned from the Hinterlands. She slid off the horse before he could offer his help, turning to grab Liana and helped her down.

The girl ran up to him and stopped just short of him, pausing briefly. “Hi,” she whispered, her mother noticing the sudden shyness. Cullen smiled warmly and leaned over to meet her gaze. 

“Did you have a good trip,” he asked and the girl for once didn't answer right away. Not that she could fault her. It wasn't the best trip. Instead, she watched the girl shrug.

“I made a new friend! Her name is Sera! She taught me a bunch of pranks!”

Cullen raised his eyebrows and Lochlyn couldn’t help but laugh. Liana smiled and turned to her mother, asking if she could go play. It was only mid afternoon and they would still need to have a meeting before the day ended. She nodded and the girl ran off.

Vivienne instantly began to harass the soldiers for help with her luggage, which Lochlyn had to beg Cullen to allow them to help with.

“She's high maintenance but she will be a great asset,” she whispered, more to herself than him. He just rolled his eyes and she made her way to the Chantry. Cassandra followed behind her, her eyes were stormy.

“Are you okay,” she whispered to the Seeker. She didn't respond. Instead she glanced at the mostly scarred cheek.

“You never healed yourself.”

“Never really got a chance and by the time I did finally get around to it, it would have scarred anyway. No point wasting my energy.”

They pushed open the doors to the Chantry and Josephine turned to greet them. 

“We heard what happened.”

Cassandra frowned. “You heard?”

“Well we were in Orlais longer than planned Cass.”

“My scouts sent word ahead.” Leliana seemed to appear from the shadows.

The door opened behind them and they all turned to see Cullen storming in. “Sorry I'm late. Madame de Fer is so-” He stopped and looked at the crowd, seeing the Heralds now face for the first time. She had made care to keep her face hidden until this

“Makers Breath Herald, what happened to your face?”

Lochlyn couldn’t help but laugh, placing a hand on her chest in feigned offense. “Why Commander, is that anyway to speak to a lady?”

His face turned bright red and he rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at the ground with a mumbled apology.

“Lord Seeker Lucius struck her,” Cassandra said with a tone of disbelief. Lochlyn made note to actually sit down and talk to her later. She didn't want this to get bottled up and coming out later.

Cullen frowned and gently took her chin in his hand, looking at the still healing wound. “Why didn't you heal it? You said you're a healer.”

“I'm fine Commander,” she said firmly, but not unkindly. She stepped back to remove his hand from her and swept her hair back over her shoulder. “Anyway, it was better than me throttling him for threatening Liana.”

“He _what?”_ Now Cullen was mad, yet Cassandra just waved her hand. 

“It wasn't a threat Herald.”

“It was _implied_.” Lochlyn shook her head and pushed through the group, heading to the war room. “At least we know how to approach the mages and templars now.”

“Really? Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I remember. We also don’t know where he's taken them.”

“I agree, my reports have been... odd.”

“We should investigate. There may be some who don’t agree with what he is doing.”

“I already took care of that,” Lochlyn said finally. The leaders turned to her and she started pulling her hair into a small bun. “There was one, he was already questioning the orders. I told him to come here and bring any who wish to serve a better cause.”

Everyone remained silent. She shrugged and leaned against the wall. “I figured if I was going to go to help the mages, I might as well try to get some help from the templars.” 

“You think the rebellion is more united? It could be ten times worse!”

Lochlyn turned and glared at the blonde man. “Really Commander? One would think you would be a _little_ more lenient considering I am making an _effort_ to give you the Templars you seem so desperate to bring in.”

He opened his mouth to say something but Josephine beat him to it. “We should not discount the mages in Redcliffe Commander. They may be worth the risk.”

“We could probably come to a decision quicker if we didn't bicker. I just spent almost 3 weeks listening to people bicker and nit pick at each other and quite honestly, I'm tired of it.” Her voice was tense as she struggled to control her anger. Everyone looked down as if they were being chastised, except Leliana who stared at the mage with a raised eyebrow.

“We need to be careful. The mages could be helpful, but they are desperate. And desperate is dangerous.” Cassandra crossed her arms and shifted her weight to push her hip out.

“You think it's a trap?” That's what she needed to walk into. Most of her life felt like one trap after another.

“The same could be said about the templars,” Josephine offered.

“True. We need to make the decision and sometime soon.” Everyone nodded at the commander and soon they all split off. Except Leliana.

“There is another matter.”

“Isn't there always another matter,” she whined and pushed herself off the wall.

“This is a big one. Several months ago, the Grey Wardens of Ferelden vanished. I sent word to Orlais but they also vanished.” Lochlyn frowned and crossed her arms.

“That is indeed big. Do we think they are involved?” They’ve already been banished once, why would they do something so stupid to do it yet again?

“Ordinarily I wouldn't even consider it but the timing... is curious.”

She nodded and scratched at the back of her head. 

“It does seem odd. Do we have a way to find out? Perhaps King Alistair?”

“I haven’t told him yet. Hoping to find out what happened before informing him, if he doesn't already know. Two days ago, my agents sent word of a Warden named Blackwall in the Hinterlands. Perhaps when you go to Redcliffe you can stop by there and check it out, yes?”

Lochlyn nodded with a smile. “Of course. If we can convince him to join our ranks, they would benefit us. We might actually get someone normal!”

Leliana laughed lightly and smiled. “In times like these, I think normal would be too nice.”

They quieted for a moment but Lochlyn reached out to gingerly touch her arm. “I'll look into it Leliana.”

“Thank you. Let's hope he can help. I know it would break the kings heart if they were behind this.”

She watched the spymaster walk away before deciding to head to her own cabin for the night. She had plans to sleep in the following day, and Maker help whoever tried to tell her otherwise.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos everyone! They are oh so appreciated!

_Cullen sat on his knees, the smell of blood and decaying flesh filling his nose. He looked around, panic filling him as he saw the familiar purple cage. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath._

_“O Maker hear my cry.”_

_“Come now, Cullen. Is that really necessary?”_

_He didn't answer the hauntingly familiar voice, just continued with his prayer._

_The owner of the voice hoisted him to his feet and his eyes flew open. He met the shining blue eyes of the red head in front of him. His stomach twisted in knots as he met her gaze._

_“You are not real. You are dead Ami.”_

_The woman laughed and shook her head, tracing a finger down his cheek gently. “I’m not dead in your dreams. We could pick right up where we left off.” She leaned up and gently locked her lips with his._

_He tensed up, everything in his mind screaming a warning. Yet he couldn’t help but melt into the kiss. His hands moved to rest on her waist and pulled her into a close embrace. He felt her arms wrap around his neck and pull herself close to him._

_“Leave him alone!”_

_He froze. That was a new voice. He opened his eyes and remembered himself. He pushed the woman away. Her once shocking blue eyes were now purple and the woman changed from Ami Amell to a demon. It moved forward and pinned his hands above his head._

_“I will have you,” it hissed and he could feel the familiar fear and helplessness creep up on him again. It raised its hand to rake its claws across his chest._

_“I said leave him ALONE!”_

_A bright light filled the purple prison and the demon hissed in pain. The pressure on his wrists disappeared and he fell forward, landing on his hands and knees. Bright spots filled his vision. He heard the soft slapping of feet on stone running up beside him before a warm feeling blanketed over him._

_“Shh you’re okay now. Sleep.”_

_The voice was small and light but he couldn’t be bothered to look as darkness closed around him. The last thing he felt were hands combing through his hair._

_~~~_

He sat up abruptly. Reports and requisitions were scattered over his desk, the candle cold after burning down hours ago. Cullen sat up and rubbed his face, trying to remove the traces of sleep. He started gathering up the papers, organizing them into stacks to deal with the following day. Or rather, later that day.

The village was quiet, most of the cabins were darkened with the exception of a light glow from the fire places in some. Cullen sighed as he made his way to the Chantry, as he did so many nights. He had fallen asleep at his desk - _again-_ only to be awakened by a nightmare. 

They had grown more frequent as of lately, but this was the first time he had... an intruder? Another voice? He wasn’t quite sure who or what it was, but it made him uncomfortable. Even more than the dreams already were.

He quietly pushed the doors open, realizing some of the Sisters were likely sleeping now. He made his way towards the chapel but slowed his pace as he heard soft words being spoken.

“Though all before me is shadow,

Yet shall the Maker be my guide.

I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond.” 

He peeked in the room, not wanting to disturb whoever was praying. He saw Liana, leaned over in a praying stance. He slipped inside quietly and hovered by the entrance as she continued praying.

“For there is no darkness in the Maker's Light

And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost.

I am not alone. Even...” She paused, her face screwing up.

“Even.... Even...”

“Even as I stumble on the path,

With my eyes closed, yet I see

The Light is here.” He whispered softly. The girl jumped and turned to face him, fear and shock on her face. He held his hands up and his eyes fell on the small blade she held in her hand. 

She must have noticed too because she quickly hid the blade behind her back, a blush forming on her cheek.

“Sorry Comman- Cull-” She huffed and shook her head before looking back at him. “I know you’re my dad but... what do I call you?”

Cullen blinked for a moment. He hadn’t taken that into effect. He had known about her longer than she him, but he only called her Liana. She knew him as Commander or Cullen. He stepped out from his place by the door and sat in one of the pews. The candles illuminated the room in an orange glow but not enough to see fully well.

“Well, what do you want to call me?” He watched her tilt her head. Then she leaned over to grab the sheathe and return the blade to its home with a precise calculation. He noticed how comfortable she was with holding it. Lochlyn must have trained her, in case something happened.

She walked over and climbed onto the pew in front of him, sitting on her knees to face him with her arms folded on the back and her chin resting on them.

“I don’t know. I never thought I would meet you honestly,” she whispered. She glanced at the statue of Andraste. “I prayed for it lots of time. But Mama said it probably wouldn’t happen.” He watched as she frowned some and looked back at him. “How come you never tried to find us?”

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck. He wondered just how much he should tell her. He didn’t want to make her mother seem like the bad guy but he didn’t want to lie.

“Well, I didn’t know about you. Not until your mother told me anyway.” It wasn’t a lie. He decided if she wanted to know more, he figured Lochlyn would tell her. 

The girl nodded in understanding then smiled. “I'll figure out what works,” she said happily. Cullen chuckled and nodded.

“Then that works for me.” They remained silent for a few minutes. Then he shifted in his seat to scoot forward and sit closer to her. “Liana what are you doing out here anyway? You know you can come here during the day?” 

The girl shifted uncomfortably and looked at the ground. “I... I had a nightmare.” 

“Does your mom know you're here?”

She shook her head. “She went into the woods. Whenever... She has a bad day, she likes to go run.” _Bad day?_ He would look more into that later. “Is being a mage bad?”

That... he did not expect. If he was the same person 7 years ago, he would have said yes. Absolutely. Now? 

“No, it's not bad,” he said carefully. “The Maker makes some people mages, it makes them... special. Why?”

“Well one of the Sisters said that the Maker said magic is not to rule over us and that if a mage attacked someone who wasn’t a mage, they were a bad person. Mamas attacked a bunch of people who weren’t mages, does that mean the Maker doesn’t love her anymore?”

Cullen gritted his teeth, knowing what she was talking about. His heart broke at the sadness in the girls voice. He shook his head and reached out to smooth the girls hair. “Has she ever hurt anyone who wasn’t trying to hurt her or you?”

The girl thought for a moment then shook her head. “No she tried to avoid any fighting at all if she could.”

“Then I think the Maker loves her just the same as he does you and I.” 

“Okay,” Liana nodded. He watched as she got ready to say something else but a yawn interrupted her. Cullen chuckled and stood up. “Come on, let's get you back to bed before your mother wonders where you are.” 

He watched her slip her cloak on and then led her out of the room. They walked silently side by side to the shared cabin. 

Remembering the last time he left someone here, he slipped into the room first. The fireplace was almost cold at this point so after he was certain no one was lurking around he started working on getting it started again. Liana settled into the bed under the covers as just as it finally ignited.

Cullen stood up and glanced over at his daughter who laid staring at the flames with a worried look on her face.

“What's wrong sweetheart?”

“I don't want to have another nightmare,” she said in a small voice. He sighed and walked over to sit in the chair beside the bed. He tried to recall the song Lochlyn had sang to her the night of the assassination attempt but couldn’t remember it. Suddenly he remembered a song that his mother used to sing to him.

“Well whenever I have a nightmare, I remember a song my mom used to sing to help be fall back asleep.”

That got her attention. “Can you sing it to me?”

He chuckled and scratched the back of his head. “Would you like me to?”

“Yes please. Unless you don't want to.” Now the girl was suddenly shy again and he smiled warmly. “Of course I will.” 

_“You know Andraste's old mabari._

_He don't show up in the Chant._

_And if you ask those holy sisters,_

_Well, they'll say Andraste can't_

_Have had some big old smelly wardog._

_But all Ferelden knows it right:_

_Our sweet Lady needed someone_

_Who would warm her feet at night.”_

As he sang the song, he pulled the furs up and tucked them under her chin. He watched as her amber eyes started to flutter shut but still watched him intently so he started another part.

_“And there's Andraste's mabari_

_By the Holy Prophet's side._

_In the fight against Tevinter,_

_That dog would never hide._

_They say the Maker sent him special,_

_Always loyal, without pride,_

_So he could be the sworn companion_

_Of the Maker's Holy Bride.”_

Cullen smiled as he watched her eyes finally close and her breaths became slow and steady. He leaned back in the chair and stared at the ceiling. He couldn’t help but wonder what he did to deserve this? A family? Granted he had his siblings but he never wrote them.

Maker his siblings. If Mia wasn’t mad at him before, she would be livid now. He had a _child_. There was another part of him. She didn’t get the best start to her life, no thanks to him, but he would do everything to make sure she was protected. She would want for nothing. 

He rubbed his hand over his face as he thought about Lochlyn. Once this Breach was closed, how long would he have with her? She said they wouldn’t be staying, that she was taking her and leaving. So far he knew she wasn’t convinced to stay. He would have to talk to Cassandra, maybe she said something on the travels.

Slowly his own eyes drifted shut and he fell into a dreamless slumber for once.

~~~

It was noon before Cullen saw the Herald or his daughter awake. He woke up as the sun was rising, surprised to see a blanket draped over him. He looked at the bed and saw Lochlyn had slipped in during the night and now lay in bed with a protective arm over their daughter.

He took the blanket and laid it over her before slipping out of the cabin to get started on his day.

Lucky him, he walked into his headache as if it were a wall. He lost his footing briefly and leaned against the cabin. He took a couple deep breaths and righted himself. Today was going to be a long day.

He watched the recruits practice, frustrated. They still weren’t using their shields, leaving themselves open. If someone were to attack them, most of the army would likely be killed.

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. It would be another late day. They needed to get it right. He looked back towards the gate and saw Lochlyn and Liana walking past. The girl seemed in good spirits, dancing around her mother excitedly while her mother worked on braiding her hair back. Liana stopped when she saw Cullen and looked up, saying something to her. 

He watched Lochlyn nod and they started to make their way over to him but something else got the Heralds attention, her head snapping to the side. She motioned her daughter to go on and she walked towards whatever had her attention.

“Hi daddy,” the girl said as she ran up to him. Cullen couldn't help but laugh and tussle her hair.

“Hello sweetheart. What are you up to today?”

“I don't know. Mama said we were goin’ to get food but Solas yelled for her so she let me come over here while she talked to him.” He nodded, curious as to what happened to make the usually quiet elf approach her.

Cullen watched as a soldier grew sloppy, taking a hit under his armpit that would have been fatal.

“Use your shields! Do you want to return to your families?” He pulled his own off his back and approached the soldiers. 

“Form up!” He motioned for the supervising lieutenants to fall in beside him, each removing their shields and mimicking his stance.

“I want each of you to charge us and try to land a hit. Those of you who aren’t charging, _watch._ Your shield can only protect you if you actually use it!”

And began the routine. Each soldier charged him and he expertly used his shield, to block their assaults then as a weapon. He had yet to even draw his sword.

This went on for about an hour. He would glance back occasionally to see Liana watching him curiously. At one point she wandered over and was having a conversation with Cassandra, who seemed thrilled with the company. He couldn’t help but laugh to himself. He never took her as a kid person. Maybe it was because she was his?

Finally he called for the end of the drill. Judging by where the sun was sitting currently, they would have their daily War Room meeting. He turned to talk to his daughter but she was gone now. He couldn’t stop the disappointment that filled his chest. 

He swept off to the Chantry hoping to see her or her mother but neither one showed up. As he entered the War Room only Josephine and Leliana stood.

“The Herald hasn’t arrived yet?”

Josephine shook her head, still looking over notes on her board. “Not yet. Why, is something wrong?”

Cullen shook his head, resting his hand on his pommel. She was just running late. There was no need to worry. Why was he worried?

The door opened and he straightened himself but it was only Cassandra. Even she had a confused look on her face. “Where's the Herald?”

Leliana shrugged and maintained her expressionless look. “Perhaps she decided to leave?”

Cullens blood ran cold. She wouldn’t do that, would she? Even if she didn’t care for him, he couldn’t help but worry about Liana. How would she take it? She trusted her mother more than him so of course she would leave with her. What had he done to make them leave? He didn’t hear the rest of the conversation over the blood rushing in his ears.

He blinked as he realized everyone was staring at him, having said something to him and he missed it.

“I- uh... what?” He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced down at the table.

“Should we send out some soldiers to try and find them,” Cassandra asked in a soft voice. His panic must be easier to read than he thought. Would she even want to be found?

“Erm... I think-”

The door swung open and Lochlyn walked in. All panic left his body. They were still here. They hadn’t left. He hadn't screwed this up... yet.

“Sorry I'm late,” she mumbled. He watched her face screw up as if she was thinking of something. He wanted to ask if she was okay but Leliana spoke before he could.

“It's alright Herald. Lets just get started with the meeting shall we?”

Lochlyn nodded with a sigh and waved them to start. She kept her hands wrapped tightly around herself, Cullen noticing she did that alot more when she was trying to ground herself and comfort herself.

Josephine laid a stack of letters out onto the table with a smile. “I received a letter from a contact in the Free Marches Lady Herald.”

“Please Josephine, can you call me by my name,” Lochlyn said with a whine.

“I- uh that is, I should think you’d prefer your title,” the ambassador stuttered out.

“Well no one else is around and quite honestly, I hate being called ‘Herald’. Sounds like I should be someones grandfather.”

Cullen snickered as he compared the title. Lochlyn turned to glare at him and he quickly ran a hand over his mouth as if he was thinking while staring at the map.

“As you wish Lady Her- Lochlyn,” Josephine said in defeat. 

“Now what were these letters about?”

“Ah yes. It would appear a distant relative of your family is claiming to be a close friend of the Inquisition. Even threatened his rival with us.”

He watched as Lochlyn scoffed and crossed her arms, suddenly looking very annoyed. “No one from my family has bothered to get into contact with me in years, with the exception of my mother and that was just to have me killed.” Her lips were in a thin line and Cullen decided to step in.

“We could openly denounce him, show them we aren’t a name to be taken lightly.”

Josephine looked shocked and shook her head while Lochlyn seemed to ponder the option. “No we could use them later. This was inevitable with a name like yours. Lets offer them a future favor instead, maybe that will entice them to not use our name so willingly.”

Lochlyn snorted and shook her head. “I would rather not be involved with my former family thank you. Plus that could screw us in the end. Let's go with Cullens option.”

“There is one more option,” Leliana offered, having remained silent for the better part of the discussion. 

“What do you have in mind?”

“Well there are ways of showing our displeasure without showing our hand. Your mother has already sent an assassin after you. Perhaps if we merely _mention_ that _we_ have assassins at our disposal...”

Lochlyns eyes lit up and smiled darkly. “They would think twice about throwing our name around _and_ word would for sure get back to Lady Trevelyan. She may even think twice next time. Let's do it.”

Josephine made a note on her board then looked around the table. “There is also a request from one of our newer... companions. Sera claims there is a man who knows how to capture bees and make them into a weapon.”

Cullen shook his head and stared at the note which had a picture of someone getting hit with a jar and bees attacking them. Also a butt. “She can’t be serious. Bees? Maker, we should be looking for actual weapons not... whatever this is.”

He watched Lochlyn read over the note then let out a snort of laughter. “You know what,” she said with a grin. “Fuck it. Let's do it. Josephine, think you can ask some of the banns for help?”

Cullen looked on in shock. “Herald are you sure-”

“Cullen,” she said with a soft warning. “If we want to keep our friends happy, we might want to take their ‘wants’ into consideration. Also didn't we _just_ establish I didn't want to be called that?”

He exhaled sharply and nodded. There didn't need to be any pointless fighting and she wasn’t wrong.

“Besides, what person is going to expect a jar of _fucking bees_? No one! It's the best idea ever I think. Josephine can you help?”

“Of course. I will send out requests after the meeting.” Lochlyn nodded and looked at the other letter on the table. “What's this one?”

Josephine grabbed it and smiled. “Ahh this is from Teryn Cousland. He's holding a vigil for Divine Justina and has requested our attendance.”

“I have a number of Ferelden officers. We could make up an honor guard and send them there,” Cullen offered and he watched as she pondered on it for a moment before nodding. “I think that would be a good idea. Let's do that.”

He nodded and glanced at the map, starting to compile a list of soldiers he could spare.

“When do you plan on leaving for the Hinterlands?”

He glanced up and saw her demeanor change completely. She pulled her braid around her shoulder to mess with. She suddenly looked very nervous. “As soon as the meeting concludes actually.”

Cassandra turned and looked at her with shock. “It's nearly sunset now! How do you plan on making any progress?”

He watched the Herald take the outburst, not saying anything. “It was actually Solas recommendation. He said there was an elven artifact that could help strengthen the Veil. Which means less rifts which means less of a need for me.”

Cassandra huffed and threw her hands up. “Then I will talk to him. We just got back-”

“No one is making you come with me,” Lochlyn said loudly. The Seeker froze and he watched the women stare each other down. “I can take Sera or Vivienne if you prefer to stay.”

He watched Cassandra think for a moment before sighing in defeat. That was the first time he's ever seen her cave to someone who wasn’t her superior. She didn't even back down unless it was Leliana.

“Besides, I spoke to a mercenary outside the Chantry. It would appear his boss wants to speak to me about joining the Inquisition.”

Cullen frowned. “Wouldn’t he be better suited to come here then?”

Lochlyn shrugged. “Dunno. But I am tired of wasting time. The sooner I meet him and speak to the mages, the sooner Liana and I can be out of here.”

He felt his heart fall through the floor. She _was_ still planning on leaving. Suddenly his headache came back with a vengeance, and he pinched his nose hoping to relieve the pressure. 

“Will that be everything,” he asked through gritted teeth. 

He heard a soft _yes_ from someone, probably Josephine. He quickly skirted out of the room to retire to his tent. He heard someone call his name but ignored it. He just wanted to be alone.

He heard several people offer salutes but he didn't return them. His head throbbed as his someone was taking a hammer to his skull. The light didn’t help anything, the brightness eventually bringing tears to his eyes.

Once he reached his tent, Cullen pulled the flap back and sank into his chair. He placed his head in his hands, groaning over the pain. The blue liquid called to him softly from his chest under his cot. 

All it would take is one drink. Just one. The pain would stop, he could function again. He could be a better Commander. That's what they needed. They needed him at his best, they relied on him. He couldn't afford to be even less than perfect. The lyrium would help with that.

“Daddy?”

He jumped at the voice, not expecting it. Liana evidently wasn't expecting him to jump either because she squeaked and jumped back herself. Regret filled him instantly. He dug his palms in his eyes, rubbing away the tears that had formed from the headache.

“Are you okay?”

He sighed and leaned back, giving her a weary smile. 

“I'm fine sweetheart. Just a headache.”

She nodded then toed at the ground. He turned in his seat and leaned forward. “Did you need something?”

“Well... Mama said we were going to back to the ‘interlands tonight. So I was wondering if... if you’d get dinner with me and Mama before we left.”

He thought for a moment and got ready to say yes as pain shot through his head again. He groaned and leaned forward.

“I don't think I can tonight sweetie.”

“Because of your headache?”

He nodded, feeling an annoying knot in his throat. He hated telling her no. He wanted nothing more than to spend time with her. Cullen lifted his head to tell her she could bring her dinner here but she was already gone.

Cullen shoved his desk in frustration. How was he supposed to show either of them he was worthy to be around when he was like this? He took a couple deep breaths before turning to the chest. He could take it. He could spend more time with Liana. Be the father she deserved. 

“Commander?”

The soft voice made him pause as he reached for the chest. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. He didn't want to be yelled at for how he left the meeting. It was the last thing he needed. 

“Commander?” Now it was more firm. He gritted his teeth and sat back in the chair.

“Come in.”

Lochlyn swept into the tent, concern written on her face. “Cullen are you alright?”

He tried to smile through the pain but his mouth wouldn’t cooperate. She sighed and moved to perch herself on his desk, looking at him with sympathetic eyes. “I am a healer you know. I can help you.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down, suddenly feeling ashamed.

“How did you know?”

“Liana came to me as I was letting Solas and Varric know we were heading out. She was upset her father was in pain.”

Warmth spread in his chest at the girls concern. He smiled a little more now. “It's just a headache, Lochlyn. Nothing more.”

She shrugged and crossed her arms. “A headache that is bringing the Commander to tears?”

He widened his eyes and she laughed lightly. “Don't worry, I've already told her not to tell anyone our fearless leader was crying.” Then her face turned serious again. “May I help you? If not for me, at least for your daughter. She shouldn’t see you suffer because of your pride.”

Cullen swallowed then nodded. She slid off the desk and moved to stand behind him. He felt the familiar spark in his blood as cool fingers touched his temples. He jumped at the sudden and she quickly moved her hands away.

“Shh you need to relax,” she said in a soothing tone and he couldn't help but listen. Her hands returned to their spot and rubbed gentle circles around. He closed his eyes and leaned further back. It felt... _amazing_. His headache melted away under her touch.

A moan slipped out before he could stop it, painting his cheeks red. Lochlyn chuckled softly as he bit his cheek to keep from saying or doing something stupid. He opened his eyes to see her own cheeks and chest lightly tinted with a pink blush. He watched as she bit her lip, suddenly averting his gaze. 

He shifted slightly and realized his pants started to become a little on the tighter side. That only made the blush more furious.

_Pull yourself together Rutherford. She would never want you like that._

He cleared his throat and sat up, her hands pulling away. 

“Th-Thank you,” he mumbled and she moved to the front of the desk now. She nodded and brushed a loose hair behind her ear.

“Yeah well we can't have you down can we? Who else would yell at the soldiers like you do,” she said in a soft voice. She avoided his gaze and he instantly became worried. 

“Lochlyn, I-” He wanted to ask if she was still serious about leaving.

“I need to finish setting up,” she said quickly. He noticed her face was flushed a brighter red now as she met his gaze. “Setting up for the trip that is. You- uh- you should probably find Liana. She really wants to spend some time with you.”

He nodded and cleared his throat, trying to force his blood to return to where it belonged. “You're right. Uh thank you. Again. For your help.” He reached up and rubbed his neck again, cursing his awkward self.

Lochlyn nodded and turned to leave but paused at the exit. “Next time, just come and ask me for help. Don't make our daughter have to tell me.” Then she left.

Cullen looked at his lap, happy that everything was back where it belonged. He prayed to the Maker there would be no more headaches, he couldn't handle that embarrassment again.

He quickly rose and made his way out of the tent to find his daughter, the chest now forgotten.


	9. Chapter 9

The trip to the Hinterlands was faster now that they had mounts. The once two week trip was now cut in half which made everything so much smoother. Cassandra was silent for most of the ride, Lochlyn realizing she might still be sore at her for the sudden departure again. As they set up camp for the final night before reaching the first scout camp, she decided it was time to confront the warrior.

Once the tents were set up, she sent Liana with Varric to gather sticks and tinder for the fire. She sat down beside Cassandra who was using the free moment to polish her sword, despite it not being used yet.

“Are you alright,” Lochlyn asked softly. She didn't want to push her but she didn't need someone who wasn't completely focused with her right now. “You know you didn't have to come-”

“Did I do the right thing,” she whispered. She put the rag on her lap and looked at Lochlyn. “Will they write about me as a madwoman, a traitor in the history books?” She was confused until it dawned on her. She was referring to the Inquisition.

“I think,” she said slowly. “They will write about a woman who stood up for what she believed in to stop the end of the world. To help end a war between mages and templars for a more harmonious life. Went against everything she was taught to try and make things better. Besides it's not like you had a choice.”

“Didn’t I? I could have ordered you to return to Val Royeaux to face judgement. Could have killed you in that cell.” She sighed and looked up, the sky turning a deeper shade of orange and purple as the sun lowered itself into the horizon. “My trainers always told me I was too brash, I needed to think before I act. I never saw the point. I see what must be done and I do it! Not run in circles like a dog chasing its tail.” Her gaze turned to face Lochlyn again, this time more sympathetic. 

“I misjudged you in the beginning. I thought the answer was in front of me clear as day. I won't be so careless again.”

Lochlyn chuckled softly and patted the Seekers leg. “You had just cause. It's not like I gave any reason to _not_ suspect me.”

“I just wanted someone to pay for what happened. Anyone.” She looked at the blade in her lap, seeming to study her reflection. “Do you believe in the Maker?”

Lochlyn froze for a moment. She didn't really have an answer. If there was a Maker, he had a funny way of showing he loved her. Yet she didn't fully believe that he didn't exist. 

“I honestly don't know,” she answered truthfully. “Liana, I would like to think she does. When we stayed in Starkhaven, Rylen took her to morning services once she was old enough to attend. Whenever we stopped in a city, it was the first place she wanted to go. I... I have had _a lot_ of shitty things happen to me over the years Cassandra. It makes it hard to believe He exists.” Cassandra looked saddened for a moment so Lochlyn hurried to continue. “However, when I see how happy Liana is. See how she has grown up safe, despite all odds. The people who we came across to help us... It makes me wonder if there really is someone watching over us.”

She seemed to ponder these words. “I suppose it doesn't really matter. I have to believe we were put on this path for a reason. Even if you do not. Now we just wait to see where it leads us.”

They remained silent for a few minutes, listened to the wind rustle the trees. The air was warm around them until the wind blew, cooling it significantly.

“Do you truly plan on leaving after the Breach?”

“Cass, I-”

Before the conversation could continue, Liana burst through the woods with Varric on her heels. Her little arms were full of sticks while Varric carried some larger limbs.

“Look mama! I got lots and lots of stuff for the fire!”

“You sure did,” Lochlyn exclaimed and moved to help her, leaving the warrior. She didn't want to think about it. It hurt too much for some reason.

Solas came out of the woods behind them minutes later, back from wherever he disappeared to. They got the fire started, watching it roar to life. They all sat and ate their dried meats and fruits, listening as Varric recounted his adventures in Kirkwall to Liana. Soon the girl was yawning, her eyes growing heavy so Lochlyn led her to their tent, tucking her into the bedroll. She sat with her in the dark until she was certain the girl was asleep before slipping back out.

She passed Cassandra who was on her way into the tent, muttering a _goodnight_ as they passed. Varric had already retired to his shared tent with Solas but the elf sat outside by the fire, assumingly taking the first watch.

“Shouldn't you be sleeping,” he said, his eyes not leaving the flames. Lochlyn shrugged and sat beside him.

“Ehh I'll be fine.”

“I see. So what are you doing out here?”

“Can’t I sit without having a reason,” she groaned out. Solas chuckled softly and nodded.

“I suppose so.”

They watched the fire crackle for a few minutes, neither person saying anything or really moving.

“Hows Liana taking everything,” he finally asked, sounding more as a healer than a companion. Lochlyn bit her lip and inhaled deeply.

“Well she's scared, understandably. She doesn't realize she's doing it.”

“Most don't. Not at her age.”

“She wanted to stay in Haven this time. Wanted to spend more time with Cul- the Commander.” Her face flushed some as she remembered helping his headache in the tent. He looked so relaxed for the first time since she had seen him. His mouth slightly parted. She had studied his face, fighting the urge to lean over and kiss him. Why did she want to kiss him? That would be inappropriate. Evidently she really did need laid .

Then he _moaned_ which made her brain just further break down. It was just a soft thing but it instantly brought the two of them to their senses. She watched as he suddenly opened his eyes, his cheeks turning an adorable shade of pink. He squirmed some then sat up instantly as if he had been burned. 

“You were right to bring her,” Solas said, bringing her out of her memory. “Did you tell him?”

Lochlyn shook her head quickly. “No theres- there's no need. Once we close the Breach, it won't matter.”

“He still needs to know Herald. For his own safety. And hers.”

“I'll tell him,” Lochlyn said standing up. “Wouldn't he know already though?”

"I am not certain he does. The longer you wait to tell him however, the more likely there will be danger to both parties.”

She nodded and retreated to the tent, Cassandra already asleep. She quietly laid beside her daughter and watched her sleep. She looked peaceful, a soft snore on her lips. Lochlyn brushed a small curl out of her face and closed her eyes in an attempt to sleep.

~~~

“Why did you not wake me?!”

Lochlyn turned to face the dwarf and Seeker who were approaching her, scowls on their faces.

“Well good morning you two,” she said with a grin. Neither person looked amused.

“Did you really sit out here all night,” Varric said with crossed arms. He looked more amused than anything.

“Not _all_ night. Solas woke me for my watch. Then I sat out here.” The dwarf huffed then chuckled while shaking his head. Cassandra just looked more annoyed.

“Herald we still have a long way to go, we can’t be-”

“Cassandra, I assure you I am fine,” Lochlyn said with a sigh. “Besides, are you two _really_ mad you had a night of uninterrupted sleep?”

Neither person responded which only answered her question. She glanced towards her tent as Liana crawled out, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

“Morning cub, did you have a good night?”

The girl nodded then yawned before plopping herself into her mothers lap. Lochlyn began untangling the girls blonde mess, silently cursing the curls that most certainly did not come from her.

Truthfully, she hadn’t slept because she was watching over her child. Worried if she had another bad dream and she wasn't there to catch it. When she had arrived at her cabin the last time they were in Haven, she had been shocked to see Cullen still in his armor asleep in the wooded chair beside the bed. He didn't look remotely comfortable but she honestly didn't want to wake him. She would see him almost nightly from her spot in the woods, spending hours at night by the semi frozen lake so she knew he was hardly sleeping. Knowing that, she didn't have the heart to wake him.

When she woke the next morning, Liana had already gotten herself dressed and was brushing her hair. Lochlyn questioned her about him being there. Liana told her about her night, that she had a bad dream. She had meant to stop and thank him for watching over her but after the meeting, he didn't seem much like talking.

“We are going to the Storm Coast before Redcliffe,” she announced as she worked. The others had already begun tearing down their sleeping areas. 

“Why? Redcliffe is closer?” She glanced at Cassandra and chuckled before answering. 

“I don't want to make our possible ally wait too long. It would make it seem as if we don't particularly care about them, don't you think?”

“Couldn’t the same be said about the rebel mages?”

Well she wasn’t wrong. She hadn't considered that.

“You were the one who said it could possibly be a trap,” Lochlyn said smoothly as she finished her daughters braid and handed her breakfast. “If it is a trap, it would be harder for them to spring it if they don’t know when we are showing up. I would assume they are expecting me as soon as possible.” 

There. A calculated answer made on the spot. She was proud of herself. Even Cassandra made no move to argue with her, just grunting softly either in agreement or annoyance. She wasn't sure.

Once the camp was packed up, everyone mounted their horses and headed off north.

~~~

Rain. So much freaking rain. 

Lochlyn made a shield over Liana to keep her dry. The last thing they needed was her to get sick on the trip. She smiled when she saw Harding, happy to see the familiar face.

“Your Worship! For what it's worth, welcome to the Storm Coast. We would have sent word sooner but our efforts have been delayed.”

That didn't sound good. “How so?”

“There is a group of bandits in the area. They know the area better than us and our small group has had trouble going against them. We sent some soldiers to speak to their leader but they haven't returned yet.”

That sounded even worse. “I'll look into it. Dont send anymore out until we find out what's happened to our soldiers.” She didn't feel confident that they would be alive however. Best case scenario they were just captured.

“Thank you Herald. They started their search further down the beach. We haven't been able to conduct a search for the Wardens due to everything.” Lochlyn was surprised to hear they were looking for scouts up here. Did Leliana suspect there may be some here?

They said their goodbyes and started down the path to the beach.

“Mama it's cold,” Liana whined. Lochlyn stopped to pull a rune out of her pocket, quickly activating it and folding it up in the girls cloak.

“There you go love. You should start warming up soon,” she said with a forced smile and a kiss on her forehead. The girl smiled and they continued walking. A distant roar could be heard and they looked up to see a dragon flying in the distance. 

“Is that a dragon,” the girl squeaked out and she pulled her daughter close to her.

“It would appear so. Keep your eyes open. I would rather not have it come swooping down on me.”

“I travelled with a guy who used to tell us ‘swooping is bad’,” Varric said with amusement. “I think this would apply here very well.”

Lochlyn hummed in agreement as they continued down the path. Fighting could be heard ahead of them and as they reached the beach, they could see a large Qunari fighting men in white and some other men fighting as well. Her heart raced, uncertain who was supposed to be on her side but part of her prayed it was the Qunari. She remembered the damage in Kirkwall and she didn't want to fight him unless it was unavoidable.

She saw the familiar head -the man named Krem- fighting the people in the white armor. “Liana, go back to camp.” The girl nodded and turned to scamper up the trail.

“Aim for the men in white!” 

Lochlyn took her staff off her back and sent a blast of frost across as Cassandra charged forward. She froze one of the men as the Qunari smashed him into bloody frozen chunks. She heard him say something but wasn't paying attention. She sent three shards of ice forward, impaling another. As another charged towards her, she quickly sprayed him with a cloud of frost to freeze him in place then slammed her staff into his side. The frozen body shattered as she swung the staff behind her, her braid whipping ever so slightly.

“Chargers stand down!”

Lochlyn huffed leaning heavily on her staff. Her breaths came out in harsh pants but she couldn't relax yet. Not until she found out who this was and what his motives were.

“Krem- how did we do?” _Okay good. Krems boss. A Qunari. Fuck._ She tried to force her racing heart to slow down, closing her eyes. _In. One. Out. Two. In. Three. Out. Four._

“You're with the Inquisition huh?”

Lochlyn jumped, her mind tuning into the voice behind her. She gripped her staff and turned the blade towards the man who approached her. He caught it cleanly, his eyebrow raised in curiosity.

“I'm sorry,” she muttered and lowered her blade.

“My men are taking care of the remaining men. You don't need to worry about an immediate attack.” She couldn't help but laugh. He actually thought she was expecting another attack. Actually, that wasn't too far off.

“The last time I was around a Qunari, they were invading Kirkwall and killing people in the streets. You'll have to forgive my weariness,” she explained softly. Maker she hated exposing herself to anyone. And he did seem sympathetic for the most part.

“Come have a seat. Drinks are coming,” he offered. Lochlyn hesitated for a moment, glancing up towards the camp. She saw Liana sitting by the cliff, watching expectantly.

“Your daughter is in no danger from us. You have my word,” the deep baritone voice grumbled beside her.

“How did you-?”

“I saw you send her away from the battle. She sat and watched only you the whole time without hiding. Which means she is used to seeing you fight. Meaning you’ve brought her along for many battles, desensitizing her.” Ouch. Lochlyn winced at the last part before turning back towards the girl. She had moved and now stood on the edge of the cliff, making her mothers stomach drop.

“Liana get away from that ledge!”

She watched the girl start to scoot back but the muddy ground gave way under her and sent her rolling down the muddy cliffside. Lochlyn raced toward the girl but panic gripped her as she realized she wouldn't make it before she hit the bottom. She was too far away and she had to watch as her daughter hit the ground with a sickening _thud_.

Dread and guilt filled her heart. _I never should have brought her here. I should have let her stay with Cullen._ Her vision swam as every bad scenario filled her head. Cassandra made it to the girls side before Lochlyn, having been standing closer to the cliff. She was helping the girl sit up slowly. 

“Oh thank the Maker,” she whispered as she ran towards the two. She slid to kneel at her daughters side immediately checking her for injuries through the mud and rain.

“I’m okay mama, I promise,” Liana squeaked out. Lochlyns hands shook as she tried to assess her daughters, making sure there wasn't any internal damage.

“Let me,” Solas murmured behind her and she moved. She knew in her nervous state, she risked losing control and actually hurting her daughter. Instead she moved to look at her face. Her left cheek had a small scratch on it but she had a larger cut on her forehead that stretched about half way across. 

Lochlyn pushed a gentle hand against the wound to stop the bleeding while Solas finished his assessment. 

“She has two broken bones on her forearm and one in her leg and a concussion,” he said in a low voice. Liana still heard though and worry filled her face. 

“You can fix it though, can’t you,” she asked in a soft voice. The shock and adrenaline must still be rushing her because she didn't seem in pain.

The elf nodded and gave a small smile before holding his hands out in front of him and began mending the broken bones. Lochlyn took her hand off the head wound and pulled out her handkerchief. It was wet from the rain but it could still absorb some of the blood.

Once he finished with her arm and her leg, he moved to her head. She removed her hand gently to allow Solas to magically stitch the wound together. Liana whimpered and her lip stuck out in a pout, her eyes bright with tears.

“He's almost done cub,” she whispered and rubbed her daughters shoulders in an attempt to calm her. Soon the wound was closed up. It would scar but she was alive. That's all that mattered.

“She shouldn't walk on that leg,” Solas said with a plain tone. “And we need something to keep her arm close to her body. She will need more time to heal and any stress will just weaken the bone and cause it to break again.”

Lochlyn nodded and stood up slowly. “I'll take her back to Haven. We will stay until-”

“We cannot afford to backtrack now,” Cassandra said quickly. “Let her rest at the camp while we finish up here then we can go back.”

Lochlyn clenched her fist. She didn't want to leave her alone. The longest they were apart was when she was imprisoned and even that was too long. 

“I'll stay with her, keep her company,” Varric offered. Her pain must have been easier to read than she thought.

“I can't ask you to babysit-”

“It's not babysitting if I'm offering.”

“Mama, I'm fine,” Liana said in a soft voice. She sighed and nodded.

“Fine, I'll help carry her up-”

“I got it Herald. You still have company you need to attend to,” Cassandra said softly. Her eyes were softer than Lochlyn had seen before and she couldn't help but nod. _Its going to be hard leaving them behind_. Her heart hurt but she knew there still needed to be work done. So she took a deep breath, returned to her business face, and walked over to the Qunari.

“So you’re The Iron Bull then?” He looked shocked to see such a change in the Herald but nodded, motioning for her to sit with them.

“You’ve seen us fight. We’re expensive but worth it, and I'm sure the Inquisition can afford us.”

She frowned and crossed her arms, blinking the rain away from her eyes. “And just how much is this going to cost me exactly?”

“Nothing personally, unless you want to buy drinks later.” She rolled her eyes. “Our payments go through your ambassador. She will take care of everything.”

Bull stood up and crossed his arms. “You aren't just getting my boys, though they are worth their own weight in gold. You're getting me. A frontline bodyguard. Which it looks like you could use.”

“I hold well enough on my own without needing a bodyguard thank you.” She wasn't trying to seem offended and he laughed.

“With the tike tagging along you do. You haven't stopped watching the path for your friends, showing you are distracted. If you stumble into an ambush, you are likely to get yourself or others killed worrying about her. I can cover you, allow yourself to get her to safety and slip back into battle.” Lochlyn inhaled sharply. He wasn't wrong. It was becoming more and more dangerous to bring her along.

“There's another thing,” he said now in a softer, more grave tone. “Ever heard of the Ben-Hassrath?”

Lochlyn shook her head. Even with the occupation in Kirkwall, she hadn’t learned much about them. Didn't really take time to research either. 

“Well they pretty much spies, more better or worse. Or well, us.” She gritted her teeth and gripped her arms. A spy was the last person she needed in the Inquisition. Outside of Leliana of course.

“They are concerned about the Breach. Magic out of control like that could cause problems everywhere, not just here. I've been ordered to get close to the people in charge of the Inquisition, and send in reports.”

“So I should just let you join us _after_ you just told me you're going to spy on us?”

“Not just that. I get reports from all over Orlais. I can share those with you as well.”

Lochlyn pinched her nose, feeling her annoyance rise. “So let me get this straight. We pay you to spy on us and in return, you give us reports from other spies?”

“You could also see it as you pay me to give you spy reports and in return, I send in my own reports about the Inquisition.” He sighed and crossed his arms. “It won't be anything compromising I assure you. Just enough to keep my superiors happy.”

She stood for a minute, quietly thinking about her options. _Maker, the leaders won't like this._ “All right. You're in. Do not make me regret this.”

“Excellent. We will meet you back in Haven.” 

She watched him walk over to his lieutenant, listening to him complain about needing to seal caskets after breaking them with axes. _Why would you.. Nevermind._

“Actually Bull,” Lochlyn called and he turned around. “I have some business I need to take care of and since I am currently a man down, do you mind tagging along?”

He laughed and nodded, telling his men to pack up without him. She glanced further down the beach, silently cursing the rain. She needed to find the missing soldiers and deal with the bandits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone so much for the kudos and the comments! I get so excited hearing from y'all!


	10. Chapter 10

Cullen sat in his office, reading over the reports from Lochlyns trip in the Storm Coast. The papers had gotten wet, so some of the ink had leaked, making some words illegible. He was able to see that she found bodies of missing soldiers who had been killed by a bandit group in the hills. She informed him that the remains would be returning to Haven in two weeks. _Any day now._

Then he read that she took care of the bandit group, claiming they were 'unreasonable and unwilling to come to agreeable terms.' Which by normal circumstances would have been fine. However, in Cassandras' report, she stated Lochlyn had been unwilling to see reason and ignored the group's suggestions. Instead, she walked into the camp and started a fight immediately. He would ask the Seeker later, that seemed out of character for the mage Herald.

"Umm Commander? You may want to come out here." He raised his head at the sound of his personal runner's voice. The boy wasn't very bright by any stretch of the imagination, but he tried. Cullen stood up and grabbed his sword, placing it back on his side. He exited his tent and looked up where Jim pointed.

He saw Solas walking beside his horse, a burly looking man on the other side, and a group of six behind them. Another horse pulled a cart that he only could assume carried the bodies of his fallen soldiers. Yet there was no Lochlyn. Or her other companions at that.

"Solas," he called as he grew closer. "Wheres-"

"DADDY!"

He caught sight of his daughter as she tried to slip off the saddle. The man with the black beard quickly righted her, and Solas gave her a stern look. "Liana you need to be careful. Your leg still hasn't fully healed."

The girl looked down guiltily, and Cullen was close enough now to see her leg was in a makeshift splint. Worry filled him as he quickened his pace to reach them. Her cheek had a small scrape on it, scabbed over and nearly healed and he saw the pale pink on a healing headwound. She seemed not to mind any of it.

"What happened," he asked as calmly as he could manage. Liana still avoided his gaze, maintaining her guilty look. Solas looked at her then sighed.

"She was standing on the edge of a cliff, and the ground gave way under her. Took a nasty fall, but so long as she takes it easy, she will be fine in another day or two Commander." The look on the elfs face and the girls told him she was _not_ doing that. "I am surprised the Herald did not write to inform you ahead of time in her reports." Cullen helped Liana down off the horse, carefully placing her on the ground. Solas informed him would be helping her to his cabin to finish healing the bone to find them there when he finished up his business.

"I am Warden Blackwall," the bearded man said as the girl and elf moved off. Cullen cleared his voice and held his hand out to shake the man's hand. "The Herald said you could use some help training the men in the mornings? I would be more than willing to assist if you will have me."

"Oh- Ah of course. We start each morning at dawn; I look forward to seeing you there. I would go find Lady Josephine to see to your sleeping arrangements in the meantime," Cullen said quickly. One of the men from the group started towards him so Cullen turned his attention to him.

"I am Lieutenant Cremisius Aclassi of Bull's Chargers," the man stated and Cullen shook his hand. This must be the mercenary group Lochlyn mentioned before leaving. He told the men the same as he had with the Warden before heading to Solas cabin. They just laughed and informed him they would be in the tavern should he need them.

He knocked on the door and heard a soft _come in._ He opened the door to Liana sitting in a table, her legs swinging happily. Her face lit up excitedly as he walked in and Solas glanced up at him. "Ah, Commander. I wasn't expecting you so fast."

Cullen smiled slightly and bounced from foot to foot slightly. He didn't want to admit that he was excited to spend time with his daughter, but Solas seemed to know. He stood up and helped Liana from the table, the girl walking to stand by her father's side.

"Remember what I said Liana," Solas said in a warning tone. The girl nodded solemnly then looked up at Cullen. 

"Can we go get lunch at the tavern," she pleaded. 

"Of course. Thank you, Solas, for your help," Cullen said with a nod and opened the door. She scurried out but Solas placed a hand on his arm, stopping him from leaving. In his hand, he held an orange potion.

"Take this when you go to bed," the elf said softly. Cullen frowned and opened to protest but the elf held his hand up to silence him. "It's to cut you off from the Fade. I've heard you at night, as I am sure many others have. You don't want to subject her to it too, do you?"

Cullen started to argue, tell him he didn't need his help but stopped. His dreams were vivid and he would often wake up fighting the air, on one occasion, nearly choking Rylen for trying to wake him. He didn't want to risk Liana trying to do something similar and getting hurt. He took the potion reluctantly from Solas.

"If you knew about this, why didn't you offer it before?"

"You cannot take it nightly without consequences. Every other night is pushing the safety but you'd agree her safety is more important, would you not?" Solas stepped back and had a cocky grin on his face. "You also never asked for any help."

Cullen frowned and slipped the potion into his pocket. Liana stood at the bend of the path, looking rather impatient. He said his thanks and moved to catch up with her. There was a War Room meeting to attend later in the evening plus reports to finish and letters to the families of the fallen soldiers from the Storm Coast. Right now, he was going to spend lunch with his daughter. The world could wait.

~~~

"Lochlyn, are you listening?"

She blinked and looked at Cassandra, who looked annoyed now. She hadn't been listening. Her mind had wandered off, wondering if the group had made it to Haven. It was weird not having Liana with her. She kept looking down at the ground, expecting her to be at her side like always. It made her on edge, made her lose focus.

"I said we would be in Redcliffe shortly. We need you to focus." Cassandra's words were sharp, but not untrue. They couldn't afford her to lose focus now. They continued their walk up the path to the village, her hand sparking to life suddenly. The group drew their weapons as the rift spat out demons.

Lochlyn climbed onto a nearby rock, connecting her hand to the rip in the air and poured her magic into it. The demons were stunned as she sent her icy spikes into a shade, watching it fade back into the rift. As the demons came back to life, she noticed some were moving slower while others seemed to skip around. Even Cassandra and Bull's moves appeared sluggish under the rift. 

She poured her magic into the rift, quickly sealing it as the last demon fell. Lochlyn slid off her perch and shook the demon goo off her boot that she had stepped in.

"Did anyone else see that," she asked cautiously. Everyone nodded, each wearing their own look of worry. "Good. Good. Glad to know I'm not losing it. Let's just find Fiona and get out of here yeah?"

She led the group into the village, looking around at all the people. A scout ran up to her and quickly knelt.

"Lady Herald. We sent word that you would be coming but... it appears no one was expecting you."

"What do you mean? Fiona was the one who invited us!"

"If she was, she didn't tell anyone. We have the tavern set up for the negotiations."

She followed the scout across the village. People looked at the group and she could hear the whispers as they walked by. Everyone seemed to be scared of them. Still. It was frustrating. You would have thought a mage leading a movement that was going against the Chantry that opposed mages would make them grateful to see her at least.

As they approached the tavern, an uneasy feeling settled over her. Something just didn't feel right about this place. They walked inside and Lochlyn locked eyes with the mage woman.

“Grand Enchanter Fiona.”

"Welcome, agents of the Inquisition. What has brought you to Redcliffe?"

Lochlyn raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms. "You actually. You asked us to come here remember? After the whole Chantry fiasco in Val Royueax?"

The woman shook her head. "You must be mistaken. I haven't been in Val Royueax since before the Conclave."

Now she was annoyed. "So if it wasn't you then who did I meet? Because they and sounded just like you." Her tolerance was wearing thin. This isn't how she imagined the negotiations would go. Maybe she should have gone to the templars...

"I don't know. Whoever... or whatever sent you here. It is too late. We have already pledged ourselves... to the Tevinter Imperium."

Lochlyn threw her hands down, feeling the room grow colder. "You did WHAT?!" Yeah, the templars were looking more and more appealing now. The world really must be ending. "Are you stupid," she continued. "The _Free Mages_ , as you called yourselves, allied with the slave drivers of the north. To become slaves _again."_ Lochlyn took a deep breath, seeing the light puff of her warm breath spreading out into the now almost frigid tavern. Fiona looked at her with shock and didn't reply as Lochlyn worked on calming herself back down.

Fiona lowered her head and sighed. "As one indentured to a magister, I no longer have the authority to negotiate with you."

"Very well," Lochlyn spat. "Tell me who is in charge."

"That would be me." They all turned as a man with a red hood and armor, not unlike what Leliana wore, walked in. A younger man walked behind him, his skin significantly paler than the man in front of it. He looked almost ghostly.

"Allow me to introduce Magister Gereon Alexius," Fiona said softly.

The man came to stand between her and Lochlyn, carefully looking her over. "You're the survivor, hmm? The one who fell from the Fade?"

Lochlyn growled softly and tightened her fists, her nails digging into the palms of her hands. "And you are the man holding the mages leash. Mages I need to fix the hole in the sky."

"Ahh well. I am sure we can come to an agreement on the terms." He started to move away and she moved to follow him. There would be no agreement. Not one she could agree with anyway. Ice formed on her fingertips as she got ready to strike him. They couldn't be servants if he were dead. _Wow, Lochlyn that's grim even for you._ Desperate times right?

Instead, the man in yellow tripped into her. Lochlyn lost her focus, catching the man as he fell forward. The magister was on his feet and moved to the man's side, helping him stand upright. 

"We will have to continue this at a later date," Alexius rushed out. He motioned for Fiona to follow and the man, Felix she thought he called him, followed behind.

"So what will we do," Cassandra asked. Lochlyn looked at the paper that had been slipped into her hand. _Come to the Chantry. You are in danger._

"Well... I guess we go to the Chantry."

~~~

"Oh, look at that!" Lochlyn sprayed a steady stream of frost as a shade that was charging her. "I came to the Chantry-" She yelled in frustration as her staff blade sliced through the thawing shade. "- And lookie here, I'm in danger!" She focused her hand on the rift, letting the mark connect with it and stunning the demons in the room.

She shot more ice shards at a terror demon that was attacking Bull, slowing it enough for him to send his axe through it. As the last demon fell to one of Varrics bolts, Lochlyn focused her hand once more and yanked it back. The rift closed with a _crackle_ with a slow rumble like a storm. She slowly began removing the leftover demon bits from her armor and staff blade, cringing as she did.

"Fascinating. How does that work, exactly?"

She looked up at the tan mage in front of her, raising an eyebrow. "Don't know. Just kind of flail it around and pray that it works. Who exactly are you, and why were you in the Chantry fighting demons from a rift? Alone might I add."

The man's eyes chuckled and he lowered himself in an exaggerated bow. "Dorian of House Pavus. Recently Minrathous. How do you do?"

Lochlyn chuckled and shrugged, flicking a piece of demon off her shoulder. "Well, I would do a lot better if I found out why it is I was sent here."

"Another Tevinter. Be cautious," Cassandra whispered and Bull grunted in agreement. "It's the pretty ones you have to watch out for."

She smiled and turned to face the Qunari, flipping her braid back. "Are you saying you can't trust me then Bull? Or that I'm not pretty?"

Varric laughed and shook his head, quickly stepping out of the way, muttering something along the lines of _not getting into that one._ Bull just laughed and shook his head, mimicking Varrics stance. "After that little show in the tavern, I'm keeping my mouth shut Boss."

"Mmhmm, that's what I thought," she growled playfully then turned back to Dorian. "I apologize for my friends. We haven't had the best luck in Redcliffe today."

"Ah yes, they are rather suspicious of me. No matter. Alexius was my mentor once, so my assistance may prove to be invaluable. As you may very well know."

"What would a magister get out betraying his mentor by helping the Inquisition?"

Dorian looked annoyed and almost offended. "Let's get one thing straight- I am a mage from Tevinter but I am _not_ a member of the Magisterium. Also, Alexius _was_ my mentor. Meaning he is no longer, not for some time anyway." He shuffled his feet and his face relaxed. "You must know there is danger, even without the note." Lochlyn didn't disagree. Every time she stepped foot outside Haven, it seemed like something was trying to kill her. "To reach Redcliffe before the Inquisition, Alexius distorted time. That's how he was able to get the mages before you."

She sighed and rubbed her temple. "That doesn't sound even remotely safe. Though it explains why Fiona didn't remember sending for us."

"Exactly. You saw how the rift here sped up somethings, slowed others down yes?"

She nodded. "There was a rift outside the gates; it did the same thing. I assume that's Alexius doing?"

He nodded. That was the last thing they needed was the threads of time being ripped apart. Which meant Lochlyn needed to stop the magister and get the mages back. "How is it you know so much about this," she asked. They already had a Qunari spy tagging along. That was going to be fun explaining on its own and adding a Tevinter mage? The leaders might just drop dead from stress. Or kill her in exchange.

"I helped him develop it." Lochlyn cocked an eyebrow and Dorian raised his hands. "Now, just wait before you zap me with your glowy hand. When I was his apprentice, it was just a theory. Alexius couldn't get it right."

"So what changed," she asked. "It's clear it's not just a theory anymore."

"I'm not sure. Nor do I know why he's doing it. Ripping time to shreds to gain a few hundred lackeys?"

"He didn't do it for them."

Everyone turned to the new voice with shock. Felix walked in, no sign of whatever afflicted him earlier showing. "My fathers joined a cult. Tevinter Supremacists. They call them the Ventori. Whatever he's done for them, he's done to get to you."

"Me?" She couldn't keep the shock out of her voice. Though she knew she really shouldn't be shocked at this point. Everything seemed to lead back to her. 

"They are obsessed with you. Maybe because you survived the Temple of Sacred Ashes?"

"You can also close rifts so they may see you as a threat. No matter. We know they see you as a threat," Dorian said quickly. "Expecting this trap is something we can use to your advantage." He retreated to a side door of the Chantry, looking to escape it seemed. "I'll be in touch. I want to be there when you deal with him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So updated for this story will be every Wednesday unless I get super excited and post one early! No more random postings!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha... ha.... ha.... Remember when I said updates would come every Wednesday? Why do I give myself schedules? I never follow them. Well can we just pretend today is Wednesday?

Lochlyns back ached. The trip back to Haven was almost uneventful until they stumbled into the path of a bear. By the time it was all said in done, poor Varric had looked like he had been chewed up and spit out, and she had a nice bruise in the middle of her back where she hadn't dodged the animal's massive paw. Bull and Cassandra came out on the better end of it, the warriors grinning ear to ear and discussing new bear-fighting tactics.

Her heart skipped as they crossed the bridge into the village. She could faintly make out the Commanders figure walking towards the stables. It was becoming a regular thing, meeting her after a trip. It's just to see Liana; she told herself every time. Yet she could feel his gaze linger on her when she wasn't looking. Not like she wasn't looking herself though. 

"Herald," he called as she dismounted her horse. She smirked as she heard the excited squeal of their daughter from beside him. She gave the horse a quick pat and a promise of treats before turning around, her daughter charging into her arms. 

"Hi mama," Liana said ecstatically. Lochlyn chuckled and squeezed her into a tight hug. She didn't like not having her daughter close by, but she knew it was necessary. The wound on the girl's head had smoothed over nicely, leaving a light pink scar that would likely fade over time. As she stood up, she ruffled the girl's hair and glanced towards Cullen, who had been staring at them with a soft warmth in his eyes. Her heart skipped again.

"I trust she was well behaved for you Commander," she said slowly, trying not to stare back at him. His face flushed red when he realized he was staring and straightened up. He opened his mouth to talk, but Liana had beat him to it.

"I did all my studying with Solas, just like I'm supposed to," she stated proudly. The three of them started into the village as the girl continued to tell her mother about her week. Apparently, the Chargers had kept her busy while Cullen trained the soldiers. When he wasn't training, he was spending all his time with Liana. "And," the girl exclaimed as they reached the Chantry, "Daddy taught me how to use the dagger!"

Lochlyn curled her lips over her teeth and glanced at Cullen with her eyebrows raised as Liana clasped her hands over her mouth. Cullen looked between the two of them, his eyes wide and his hands raised between them. His mouth moved as he tried to form the words, but nothing came out. Instead, he let out a sigh that was mixed with a whine as he looked at Liana.

"It was supposed to be a secret sweetie," he half-whispered, half whimpered. Then he realized what he said and panic was written on his face again. "N-Not that I- um... we weren't trying to keep any secrets. I mean, we did, but..."

Lochlyn shook her head and pushed the doors open, needing to turn before her smile and laugh slipped out. A soft _sorry daddy_ came out from behind her, Cullen chuckled and reassured the girl before his steps followed behind her. A part of her still wanted to be angry, to tell him he had no right teaching a seven-year-old child how to use a weapon. Yet, she had been the one to give Liana the dagger. She had no right to be angry. It was a gift for her sixth birthday. A poor gift for a child Lochlyn knew, but being on the run always left her feeling like she needed to a way to protect herself. At least for the time being. Now she would know how to use it properly, should the need arrive. And she prayed to the Maker it never would.

Besides, she had been keeping a secret from him as well. And soon one from her daughter.

She smiled at Josephine, who was already walking into the War Room just ahead of them. Lochlyn turned to face Liana and gave her a soft smile. "Hey cub, I need to have a meeting with the leaders, but can you do me a favor?" The girl nodded enthusiastically. "I need you to go find Krem and bring him here. Can you do that?" 

"Okay mama," the girl said as she ran out of the Chantry, a sister scolding her as she nearly ran into her. Lochlyn chuckled and walked into the backroom.

"Let's start with your report," Leliana said once she settled against the table. Cassandra slipped in behind her and settled at her side. "You said the mages gave themselves over to a Tevinter Magister?" Instantly her good mood was spoiled.

"Yes. Apparently, Alexius fucked around with the timeline so that he got to Redcliffe first and convinced the mages they needed to side with them to survive against the Templars," she growled. Cassandra cleared her throat, making the Herald sigh. "Sorry, screwed with the timeline. Another mage and Alexius's son warned me. There is also a cult obsessing over me. Who knew I was so interesting?"

"We received a letter from the magister just a few days before your arrival, requesting your presence in Redcliffe Castle," Josephine stated and laid the letter on the table. "It's an obvious trap."

"Trap or not, we cannot leave the mages in the hands of a Tevinter Magister," Cassandra stated and Lochlyn nodded. 

"And I still say we go to the Templars for help," Cullen pressed.

"I agree." 

The room grew quiet as Lochlyn rubbed her forehead, exhaling slowly. All eyes were on her. _Maker, don't let me regret this_.

"Herald, you can't be serious," Cassandra exclaimed. Leliana even looked at her with anger, her blue eyes glimmering dangerously.

"Commander. You led the Templars in Kirkwall after the former Knight-Commanders death, correct," Lochlyn asked. Tension in the room grew between her, the Seeker, and the spymaster. Cullen nodded, his eyebrows furrowing as he gazed at her. He wore a face of confusion that only grew the longer she spoke.

"Would you be able to do it here as well? I've noticed you have templars here already, so between you, Rylen, and them, could you do it?"

He thought for a moment, watching her carefully. "We could yes," he said slowly then stretched to place his hands on the table. His eyes bore into her green ones, the other people in the room seeming to just disappear as she let his concerned whiskey gaze swallow her. She knew what his next question would be. "What of Liana? You know she doesn't trust templars. She goes out of her way to avoid anyone with the armor."

Lochlyn got ready to answer, but the door swung open as Liana charged in with a squeal, Bull running behind her and Krem not too far behind. Cullen straightened up as she grabbed up the girl, placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Sorry Boss," Bull quickly apologized, "We were in the middle of drinking then Spitfire ran in-"

"Spitfire?"

Krem pointed at Liana and the two Chargers shared a laugh. "That's what Varrics taken to calling her. He was telling us about her fighting the kids here. Then she told him that she could fight anyone here and win." She looked at her daughter, who was looking rather smug while glancing away from her mother. "So I told her she could fight me, and she said she would after Krem came to see you."

"So why were you running in here?"

"Oh that? That was the fight. Fight to finish first," Bull said and Liana stuck out her chest proudly. "And I beat him here mama! So I won the fight!"

Lochlyn hummed her response and patted her daughter's head. "Yes, well, thank you for helping me," she said with a forced smile. "Why don't you go play while I finish up here?" The girl nodded and went to take off, but her mother quickly grabbed her arm before she could run. "I better not hear about you starting anymore fights, understand?" The girl's smile faltered and she nodded. Lochlyn kissed her head and smiled. "Alright, go have fun." Liana smiled and took off, her mother telling her not to run, but it was ignored. 

Lochlyns smile faded as she closed the War Room door, locking it and turning to face the group. "What we are about to discuss does not get said to her," she said darkly and glanced around the room. No one said anything. Hopefully, that meant they would listen.

"Leliana, have your scouts found where the templars went yet?"

The spymaster nodded, pointing to a place on the map. "Therinfal Redoubt," she said coolly. The Herald nodded her hand and exhaled slowly before turning to Krem. "I've already spoke to Bull about this, but I would like the Chargers to go investigate the templars. See if we can't get any to come to our side. A small unit will be able to get in quieter than a large one."

"We will leave at once," the man said and she nodded, stopping him just before he walked out. 

"Use your discretion," she said slowly, glancing between the Qunari and the Tevinter. The fear of overstepping the line weighed heavily on her. Here she was giving orders to someone who, while they worked for the Inquisition and fell under Cullens area of expertise, still had his own leader. Yet Bull didn't seem to mind. Or maybe that was just his Ben-Hassrath training. "If you think you can't convince them, or they become aggressive, leave. I do not want any of you getting killed on this foolish endeavor."

"If it's foolish, why are you even bothering," Leliana said dryly. Lochlyn paused for a moment. She really didn't know. The mages would be plenty for closing the Breach. There was no real need for them. If anything, it would make things worse when the mages come. But she saw how Cullen looked around when he was around the current mages. He looked like a cat in a room of rocking chairs, never entirely at ease, his hand gripping his sword like it was the only thing keeping him grounded. Bringing in more mages would only make it worse. And the Inquisition needed their Commander at his best. She was not a permanent person; he was. And this one time, she was willing to put her fears aside to bring him comfort.

"Having the extra hands here will help bolster the numbers of the army," she stated carefully. It wasn't a total lie. They really would, and if Cullen truly felt there were no templars in the Inquisition, then that worked out in everyone's favor. Yet that answer wasn't good enough.

"And what of your daughter?" Lelianas eyes were sharp and Lochlyn gritted her teeth, keeping her temper reigned in. Cullen moved out of the corner of her eye, but she was focused on the woman.

"We will worry about our daughter. You worry about getting your scouts into the castle. I know its a trap, but we need the mages. He doesn't know we are expecting a trap, so let's turn it to our advantage."

"I don't like this," Cullen said sharply. "If you go in there and... Maker forbid you die, we lose our only way of closing the Breach. We cannot in good consciousness order you to do this." Now his voice was softer, his Commander voice fading away and revealing his worry. "Liana needs you, and she doesn't need to see you..." His voice trailed off as he looked at her with a silent plea. "We can always wait until the Chargers return with the templars."

Lochlyn shook her head. "No, we cannot afford to wait. We run the risk of a Tevinter invasion, and we all know how badly they want to get their hands on the South."

"Come now, we aren't all bad."

Everyone turned towards the door, and she grinned as Dorian sauntered into the room. "How did you get here so fast? Redcliffe is at least a weeks ride," she asked with crossed arms.

"I was only a few hours behind you, my dear. Had I known you planned to jump immediately into Alexius' trap, I would have just traveled back with you." He turned to look at the group and shrugged. "Your spies won't make it past Alexius' magic without my help. If you plan on going after him, I'm coming along."

"I'm going as well," Cassandra stated. "There's no telling what we will get into; you need someone to watch your back."

"I think I can do that quick well," Dorian smirked and Lochlyn felt her face turn red. Cullen tensed out of the corner of her eyes, and she thought she saw his eyes narrow at the new mage of the group.

"Guess that leaves me with one free spot," she said with a sigh. "I'm leaving Liana here since there is no telling how this will end. She will need distractions to keep her busy." Solas was out of the question, that was for sure. Varric could keep her entertained for hours with his stories. Sera was childish enough that Liana would have a friend to keep her company. That left Vivienne, Blackwall, and Bull. 

"I'll take Bull as well," she said after pondering for a moment longer. Blackwall would be busy between helping Cullen with drills and helping Dennet in the stables and Vivienne... well, she didn't think the high maintenance mage would appreciate having to ride a horse to the castle. "We leave tomorrow at dawn."

~~~

"I still don't like this," Cullen stated again. She just sighed and curled her hands under her cloak. They were on what was slowly becoming 'their walk.' It was becoming routine now. Whenever she was back in Haven, they would share their meals in the tavern, Liana of course causing mischief and ultimately getting scolded by her mother while her father quietly praised her. Then they would go for a walk around the lake. Most nights, their daughter would join them, but tonight she had begged to stay with Varric and listen to one of his stories.

The moons were just starting the rise from the horizon, making the snow on the ground twinkle some. It was closing to the end of Kingsway, and the air was turning cooler somedays. Not that it mattered in the mountains where it always snowed and was chilly. "I know you don't," she said finally. "But someone needs to do it. And there is only one me."

He nodded and continued staring straight ahead, his hand resting in its spot on his pommel. Lochlyn found herself staring up at the wounded sky, worry creeping in. What if this didn't fix the Breach? As if it knew her thoughts, the mark on her hand sparked to life, making her wince. It wasn't unbearable pain. Not like before, when she tried to close it. Just felt like she stuck her hand in a basket of needles.

"I have faith you can close the Breach," Cullen whispered, his gloved hand taking hers and gently smoothing over the mark. Warmth fluttered through her chest and belly, butterflies fluttering around. "Though I find myself sometimes wishing that it doesn't fix it." He pulled his hand back suddenly, and she saw his pale face turn red as if he had just realized what he was doing and saying. 

"Why is that," Lochlyn asked as they resumed their walk. He let out a weak chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck. 

"Ahh- it's um... stupid. Selfish really." He began to turn red again, and she couldn't help but laugh softly.

"Spit it out Commander, before it chokes you."

His face turned redder than before and coughed, making her laugh harder. "If the Breach stays open," he finally managed out. "Then Liana gets to stay here. I know you are still planning on leaving once the Breach is closed, and she won't be where you aren't. She waited by the path every day until you came back. But she's my daughter too, Lochlyn," he said softly, the pain and cracking in his voice hitting deep. "And you know it will break her heart if you take her and never let me see her again."

She felt her heart break a little more with each word, knowing the truth of his words. Even Cassandra pointed it out at camp one night. Liana had grown attached to the man; she carried his name. Now that she knew who he was, had spent time with him, it would be almost impossible to tear her away. "But I will respect any decision you make," Cullen stated and cleared his throat, taking great lengths to avoid looking at her. 

"Cullen, I-"

She stumbled over a patch of ice on the path, squealing as she reached out to grab him for leverage. He couldn't brace himself in time and came crashing down on top of her. The two froze, faces inches away from each other. His warm breath brushed against her face as they stared at each other. 

"This looks familiar," she whispered, her voice betraying her and shaking. He chuckled, his scarred lip curving into a shy smile. Her heart raced, and she could have sworn he started moving towards her. And she wasn't moving to stop him.

"Mama, are you okay?"

Cullen quickly jumped to his feet, holding his hand out to help Lochlyn to her feet as their daughter ran to catch up with him. 

"I seem to remember something else the last time that happened too," he murmured before turning red and covering his face. "Makers breath, I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean _that_... I-I just meant..."

"Are you okay? The Bull came in and told Varric there was something he needed to see, and we went to look, and he said you fell." The girl's amber eyes were full of worry and Lochlyn laughed, nodding.

"I'm okay cub. I just slipped on a patch of ice and managed to pull the Commander down with me."

"Oh okay. Can I walk with you guys now?"

They nodded and finished their walk around the lake, Liana attempting to retell Varric's story of the Champions mischief in Kirkwall. Every few lines Cullen would shake his head, mutter _that's_ _not how it went_ , or huff whenever a crime was mentioned.

"Oh, he told us a templar story too," the girl said with excitement as they reached their cabin. Lochlyn watched his stepped slow a bit before picking back up.

"What kind of story," he said, his voice as tense as Seras bowstring. The girl giggled as her mother helped her get changed into her nightgown. 

"It was a love story." Liana climbed into the bed and hugged the pillow under her tightly. "He said there was a templar, who was the meanest one, besides his boss, who was even meaner. One day he met a mage, who was the prettiest of all the mages there. He said he fell in love with her, and they started seeing each other in secret. Since it's against the law for a templar to love a mage," she said in a matter-of-fact tone. Lochlyn watched as she yawned, smoothing out her blonde curls.

"Then one day she disappeared, and the templar was sad," she said in a sleepy voice. "Many years passed before he saw her again, and when he did, she had a baby, but the baby was a kid, and it was his."

"Oh yeah," Cullen said, crouching down beside her. "And how did Varric say the story end?"  
Liana giggled sleepily as her eyes drifted shut. "I asked him that too. He said he's still waiting for the ending, but he thinks it'll be happy."

Lochlyn smiled and nodded towards the door, the two adults walking outside. "I didn't thank you for watching Liana for the last week," she said softly. 

"Its no problem," he said softly. "As I said, she's my responsibility too."

"Yes well, you're about to have her for two weeks," she said with a soft laugh. "Luckily, shes become more trusting of people. Mainly the ones in our company. They should keep her fairly busy for you while you are training. Just make sure she keeps up her studies with Solas, please."

"I could just have her go to the Chantry," he offered and she shook her head. 

"No, Solas knows how I teach her," Lochlyn said quickly. "Just... if she says she needs to see him, don't fight her on it, please?" She saw the look of confusion on his face but he nodded. She took one more look around before sighing. "I need to head to bed myself. Dawn will be here soon, and I am sure you have reports to finish."

His groan only confirmed her thoughts, and she finished her goodnights before returning to the cabin. After a quick scrub on her face, she changed into her nightwear and started to climb into bed behind Liana.

"Mama," she mumbled softly, "Do you think you will get a happy ending?"

Lochlyn sighed and smoothed her daughter's hair. "Maybe one day cub. Maybe one day."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, Thank you everyone for your comments and kudos! They are oh so appreciated! I promise I am not ignoring you when I don't reply right away, I just get super excited and happy when I see them and then immediately get scared on how to reply without sounding like an idiot! You all are amazing! 
> 
> Second of all, the dates from here on, dates are going to be speculative. Based on maps made by this amazing person------>>>>> https://leliaanaa.tumblr.com/ <<<<<\--------- (Which I use for travel times) For this particular fanfic, The Conclave takes place around Justinian 5. That math came from a 2 hour sticky note wall, adding up route times, and assuming they get thrown to the future on Havestmere 1. Again all assumptions. My husband thinks I'm losing it.
> 
> Stay safe and sane out there lovelies! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Child death in the Dark Future. I have the section marked off with ******* if you would rather not read it. It will be mentioned in the next chapter though not graphic.

_"Why can't I go with you," Liana had asked at the stables. Lochlyn tried to quietly leave the cabin, allowing her daughter to get more rest, but the girl had been a light sleeper. She followed her mother to the stables where the rest of the party had gathered, preparing their mounts and going over the final provisions. Cullen was already awake as well. Upon further inspection, she noticed it appeared he hadn't been to sleep._

_"This is going to be dangerous cub. If a fight breaks out, there will be nowhere for you to hide," she said softly. "You are safest here." She pushed a loose curl behind her daughter's ear and gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll be back soon."_

_Liana's eyes were bright with tears. "Mama, its harder to control when you aren't here," she whispered fearfully. Lochlyn sighed. Solas had told her as much when she returned from Redcliffe the first time._

_"I know sweetling. It'll be okay," her mother whispered and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Solas will keep working with you, and you will keep growing strong. You are doing so well." She wrapped her daughter in a tight hug, squashing her fears the were trying to surface. "Two weeks. I'll be back in two weeks; then you can go everywhere with me again."_

_"Promise?" Her amber eyes were almost yellow from unshed tears and Lochlyn smiled._

_"I promise."_

Everything sounded muffled. She tried to take a breath but was met with a mouth and throat full of water. Panic gripped her as she flailed in the water, her hands meeting the stone ground. Pushing herself up, she realized the water wasn't that deep. Hands gripped her shoulders, and she quickly twisted, a cold spell in her hand primed to cast.

" _Fasta vass_! Calm yourself!" Lochlyn pulled away, water sloshing around her. Dorian stood in front of her, a barrier between him and her possible spell.

"What happened," she asked. The glowing red rocks that she recognized as red lyrium hummed around them, a discordant song burrowing itself deep in her head. "The last thing I remember, we were in the castle hall. Alexius opened a rift, I think?"

"I'm not sure. This can't be what he had intended," he mused softly. "The rift must have moved us, but to what, hmm? It would appear we are still in the castle..." He walked around the cell, glancing at the glowing rocks before his grey eyes lit up like a child on Satinalia. "Of course! It's not where- but when! Alexius used the amulet as a focus to move us through time!"

Lochlyns stomach rolled. Just how much time had passed? "How is that even possible?"

"Well, we've seen his temporal rifts before. This time we simply... passed through one." _Of course_. _The rift in Redcliffes Chantry. "Let's_ take a look around. We need to find out where we are. Then we can find out how to get back- if we can."

She shook her head. "We have to get back Dorian," she stated, unable to keep the sharpness from her voice. "I promised Liana I would return to her. I can't... I can't let her down. I can't let her think I abandoned her."

"We will get you back, don't you worry your pretty little head, my dear Herald."

They left the cell, quickly climbing the stairs to the next level. Lyrium grew from the ground at sharp jagged angles, the hum buzzing in her ears like an annoying fly. She had warned Dorian not to touch it, remembering Varrics story of how it drove his brother mad. It seemed like the dungeon was infested with it, making her wonder how long they had been gone.

"Alexius has made a dreadful mess of the place, hasn't he," Dorian mused, bringing a smile to Lochlyns face. 

"Well, I don't make a habit of spending my time in dungeons, but if this is any indication of what the rest of the castle is like, I might agree."

"It was covered in the tackiest carvings of wolves and dogs I've ever seen."

"Typical Ferelden. If it has four legs and barks, you can guarantee they probably have a painting of one or own one. Or wish to," she trailed off as they came upon another set of cells. "It looks like there's someone in that one." They slowly approached the last cell, the hum of lyrium growing ever so slightly louder. "Fiona," Lochlyn breathed out. The elven mage was up to her shoulders in red lyrium. Fiona looked over at the mages, her face screwed up in pain. Her pale green eyes were mixed with red flecks looked at her with surprise.

"You're... alive?" She grimaced as she spoke, her words coming out hoarse. When was the last time she actually spoke to someone? "I saw you... disappear... into the rift."

"Fiona, whats happened to you?" Lochlyn couldn't keep the wonder out of her voice, despite how gruesome the scene was.

"Red lyrium... It's a disease. The longer you're near it... eventually, you become this." Lochlyn looked at her surroundings, suddenly wanting nothing more than to escape this red lyrium encrusted prison. How long did it take before one starts turning into... whatever that was?

"Can you tell us the date? It's very important." She glanced at Dorian, then Fiona trying to prepare herself mentally. Maybe they weren't that far ahead? Maybe-

"Harvestmere 9:42 Dragon." Her voice came out pained, but Lochlyn could hardly care about her right now.

" _A year,"_ she whispered. "Dorian, we've been gone a year." The rest of the conversation seemed to die away from around her. A year. What had happened within that year? More importantly, where was Liana in all this? If Fiona thought she was dead, then surely word had reached Haven that she had died. And if word reached Haven that she died, that meant Liana thought her mother had died. 

"Lochlyn!" A sharp pain spread across her cheek. She looked at the man in front of her, who was shaking his reddened hand. 

"Did you just slap me?"

"Yes and don't make me do it again," he pouted. "My hands are delicate, you know."

"Why the fuck did you hit me?" She was trying to reign in her anger from the assault.

"You weren't answering me! Fiona said our companions are here. We need to find them and find the amulet that Alexius used so we can return." Lochlyn nodded. Her mind had been elsewhere and she needed to focus. Once they found the others, she could find out where Liana was.

~~~

They found Cassandra and Bull with little trouble. It was what they learned after that was trouble. It took a year for the world to come crashing down. A demon army? Empress Celene assassinated? Lochlyn felt the dread weigh on her as they climbed through the halls, searching for Leliana. 

Neither Bull nor Cassandra would tell her what became of Liana, or the rest of their companions. The Seeker told her Haven had been leveled, the Inquisition decimated by the demon army. Every scenario ran through her head, none of them good. As they fought the Venatori soldiers that wandered the castle's halls, Lochlyn felt herself growing more and more distant, nearly taking a hit from a sword. Metal on metal rang in her ears as she stumbled to the side to avoid being hit. Cassandra used her shield to hit the soldier before driving her blade through the opening in the mans armor.

"Are you trying to get yourself killed," the Seeker yelled, but Lochlyn had already started to move away. She grabbed her arm, making her stop and form a cold spell in her hand.

" _Do not touch me,"_ Lochlyn hissed and ripped her arm away. "I need to find out where or what happened to my daughter. Why is it every time you are around," she growled, taking another step towards Cassandra, "My daughter is separated from me?"

Cassandra got ready to yell back, but Bull quickly moved between them, his back facing the warrior. "She had nothing to do with what happened," the Qunari rumbled softly. His eye, though red and glowy, was soft and filled with sympathy. Lochlyn frowned and got ready to ask what he meant, but Dorian huffed impatiently.

"Lochlyn, we need to keep moving. We can get back to our future back to your daughter. But for the sake of the Maker, this bickering needs to stop." He sounded annoyed, almost angry and she felt her face grow heated. She was the Herald; she should be the voice of reason. Not some mage who was shoved into the future with her.

They climbed the stairs to the next level, voices carrying down the hall. Everyone drew their weapons, and Lochlyn pushed open the far door, the wood clattering against the stone wall. She could see a corpse hanging on the far wall and a man making his way around the table. The torturer turned to face the group as they ran in, the blade in his hand gripped tightly. 

She summoned a cold spell and was prepared to attack, but the corpse in the back moved, wrapping its legs around the man's throat. He struggled for a moment before the sound of a snap echoed through the room, and the man dropped on the ground, unmoving. 

Lochlyn moved carefully across the room, feeling her magic hum under her skin. She took in the sight of the person in front of her, making her heart pick up its pace. "Leliana," she breathed and began working on releasing her from her bonds. "It's alright; you're safe now. We can fix this."

"Forget safe. You were dead. If you came back, you need to do better than safe." The spymaster looked like she could barely keep herself upright as she pushed passed them. "You need to fix the mess you created."

"That _I_ created?" Lochlyn frowned and shook her head. That wasn't a priority right now. "We need to find Alexius. None of this is real. If we go back-"

"' _None of this is real?'_ You didn't live it," Leliana spat. "You didn't spend the last year being tortured while your friends were slaughtered. The whole world suffered. It was _real."_

Her stomach twisted. "What happened to Liana," she whispered. The spymaster paused at the name before slinging her bow on her back. When she turned back around, her eyes were sharp and icy. 

"She's not here anymore."

"What. Happened?" She continued pushing, even if the world felt as if it was fading away. _This isn't real. We can fix this. This isn't real. We can fix this._

"She's an abomination. She's with the magister now."

"What?" Lochlyn stared at the spymaster. Everything felt numb, a soft ringing forming in her ears. She looked back at her companions, neither warrior looking at her. She felt Dorian gently grip her arm to keep her upright. The spymaster moved out the door, leaving the rest of the group behind.

"She didn't take the news well," Cassandra said softly. "She... lashed out. Cullen tried to calm her, but she..." Lochlyn inhaled sharply as she waited. Tears burned behind her eyes, threatening to fall. "She attacked him then ran off. No one could find her... until we tried to go after the magister. But by then... she's possessed Lochlyn. Liana's not the same girl. And no one could stop her. She's powerful. Cullen wouldn't stop her though. The demon, it taunted him and he..." Cassandra paused, her reddened eyes growing wet. "In the end, the demon killed him. He refused to put it down because it wore Liana's body."

She caused his death. If it were anyone else, he would have killed them. No questions asked. Perhaps if he hadn't known that she was his, maybe it would have changed things. Bile rose in her throat before she could stop it and she found herself purging her stomach down the wall. "We have to fix this," she whispered to herself. She would save her daughter. She would save the Inquisition. Or she would die trying.

*************************************************************************

"Do we have all the shards," Lochlyn asked. They stood before the locked door that would lead them to Alexius. Bull handed over the pieces, having chosen to carry them so the mages didn't become infected. She carefully slid them in place, the keyholes lighting up a soft green like her mark. The sounds of the mechanisms inside the door echoed through the hall. If he didn't know they were here before, he knew now.

She was unsure how she was going to approach her daughter. A part prayed to the Maker that she wouldn't be here, then the decision would be made for her. Even if Liana was possessed, she wondered if she would have the strength to do what the others didn't. Even the thought made her stomach turn. 

The group pushed through doors to the throne room, where Alexius stood at the end. A fire roared in front of him as they moved towards him.

"It's over Alexius," she snarled. A quick glance around the room showed Liana was not there, making her breath a sigh of relief. Maybe her luck didn't run out.

"I knew you would appear again," the magister said slowly. "I didn't know it would be now. But I knew I hadn't destroyed you."

"Turns out I'm hard to kill," she sneered. The man laughed softly at her before turning around. Dorian shook his head and stepped forward. 

"Was all this worth it? Everything you did to the world? To yourself?"

"It doesn't matter now. All we can do is wait until the end."

"That's it? You're just giving up?" Lochlyn could hardly keep the surprise and frustration out of her voice. She had expected a fight, longed for it really. He was responsible for so much heartache, for her daughter's possession.

"What's the point? The Elder One comes for us all. All we can do now is wait." 

Lochlyn got ready to retort again, push him into doing... _something._ The flash of purple out of the corner of her eye drew her attention. "Leliana, what are you doing," she cried out as the spymaster grabbed the man crouched -cowering?- in the corner.

Alexius moved towards them as the woman put her blade to the pale man's throat, a soft _Felix_ escaping his lips. The fear reflected in his eyes for his son's safety put an uneasy feeling in her stomach. "Please, I'll do anything you ask. Just don't hurt him," he pleaded. 

"Give us the amulet," Lochlyn stated plainly. The panic in the Magister's voice pulled at her heart, but she wouldn't play into it. She couldn't. Her own daughter awaited her. Felix would just be a bargaining chip, even if it didn't sit right with her. Instead, the fear in his voice only grew.

"I don't have it!"

"Wrong answer," Leliana growled. The blade slid across Felix's throat before anyone could stop her. Dark blood sprayed across Leliana and Alexius, the man's life ending within minutes. His face turned from fear to rage. A powerful _mindblast_ sent everyone scattered across the throne room and scrambling to grab their weapons.

They made good time wearing him down, Cassandra and Bull chipping away at his barrier while she and Dorian sent lightning and ice to weaken him. Yet he kept up with each of their movements, Fade Stepping outside of the warriors reach whenever the barrier broke. It was becoming a tiring dance, one that Lochlyn was more than happy to have ended.

With the next barrier shattered, she quickly froze his movements. A moment of pure enjoyment surged through her as Iron Bulls maul slammed into the magister's skull. Dorian ran forward to search for the amulet as Lochlyn sat against the pillar, taking advantage of the moment of silence.

"He wasn't lying- he didn't have it," Dorian said in a rushed tone. She looked over at him as a roar echoed overhead. She looked at her lyrium-riddled companions who all wore looks of fear, except Leliana, who held her dark gaze.

"The Elder One."

_Okay, panic time. "_ Dorian, are you _sure_ he doesn't have it?" Lochlyn couldn't keep the fear out of her voice, matching the look in the Altus' grey eyes.

"I searched him; there's nothing here!"

"Looking for this?"

She froze at the voice. Everyone's gaze turned to the entrance of the room where Liana stood, a small smirk on her face, and the amulet's soft green shine in her hand. 

"Liana," Lochlyn breathed out softly. Despite the state of the world and being inhabited by a demon, she looked... normal. Older, but it had been a year. Maybe she could coax her daughter out. Convince her all this was false, as she did with her friends. Cassandra moved to step towards the girl but a flick of her wrist sent the Seeker backward against a pillar.

"Liana," she said louder. Her voice still trembled, despite her efforts to keep it steady. "I know you are still in there. You have to fight it. None of this is real. I can fix it, but I need that amulet."

The multilayered voice laughed, twirling the amulet in her hands. "Your Commander said the same thing," she cooed. "Begged for me to release her. She didn't want him though, she just wanted her _mama._ All it took was a promise to help her find you for her to let me in. Such an impressionable thing." Her face turned into a smirk and tossed the amulet in the air, her heart nearly thumping out of its assigned place. "It was so fun watching him on his knees, though. If I had known all it would take to get him there, I would have possessed the girl a long time ago."

Lochlyns stomach turned. None of what the demon said made sense. They didn't have time for her press on. They needed the amulet. "I'm here now," she offered. "Leave her. You did what you promised."

"Hmm but I do so love my home now. And she is happy. She has a complete family, she doesn't have to run anymore. Do you really want to take her away from that?"

"Please," she whispered, tears burning behind her eyes. "Come on cub. You can do it, fight this, and we can all go home."

The girls darken golden eyes in front of her lightened to the familiar amber, recognition forming in her eyes. Lochlyn breathed out a sigh of relief and started towards her daughter.

A sharp _twang_ sounded behind her.

A breeze blew by her head with a soft whistle.

She turned to see what had happened. Her companions stared past her, looks of shock on their faces. She turned back around as her daughter collapsed onto the ground, crimson blossoming around the arrow protruding from her chest.

" _No,"_ Lochlyn screamed and ran forward. The amulet hit the ground and rolled, Dorian grabbing it quickly. Another roar echoed, and doors were being slammed but none of that registered. She looked at her daughter's body. She tried to heal the wound, even knowing it would be useless. Her chest seized as if someone had her in a tight embrace, her breaths coming out short.

Once vibrant amber eyes that danced whenever she received a gift, or more recently, seeing her father, were dull and glazed over, staring unfocused. She stroked her daughter's hair, letting her tears roll down her face. "I'm so sorry cub," she whimpered and hugged her close to her chest. A sob finally broke free as an argument continued behind her. _I should never have come here. I should have listened to Cullen. I should have just stayed away._

Someone was calling her name but she ignored it. What was the point of being a Herald when she couldn't even save her daughter? Hands gripped her shoulder, tried to pry her away from her daughter. A sharp crack sounded behind her, and she felt herself being dragged backward, green light brightening the room.

~~~

Cullen sat at the makeshift desk in the Heralds cabin, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. A raven had come in during their dinner, resulting in a War Room meeting. He expected a report from Lochlyn, though he had assumed it would have arrived the following morning. Instead, it was from Cassandra, informing them they were returning with the mages and the Magister as a prisoner. 

He would be lying if he said that didn't concern him. Reports from the Seeker were usual, it helped them keep an eye on the Herald. Her temper had been a concern since day one, but he hadn't seen much of it. She seemed to be trying to reign it in more often. There was always a report from Lochlyn though. He had yet to hear from Krem on the Templar situation himself.

Cullen sighed, glancing across the cabin to where Liana lay curled up under the furs. He tried to make time out for her every day between meetings, his reports, and training the soldiers but anytime he was free, she never seemed to be around. They always had dinner together, her usually seeking him out. It was then she would tell him about her day, often spending it with Varric. Yet, it never seemed enough. She was his, he should taking care of her. Not relying on others.

A soft whimper filled the room and he frowned. Liana shifted under the blankets, her face screwed up. He got up and moved across the room, remembering the first night he stayed in the cabin when Lochlyn woke the girl up. Cullen crouched beside the bed, his knees groaning as he attempted to balance himself. As he reached out in an attempt to soothe her, she jumped awake with a soft cry.

Her amber eyes were wide with fear and Cullen felt his heart break a little. "Its okay love, it's just a bad dream," he said softly but she wasn't listening. Liana threw the blankets and furs back, sliding off the bed and grabbing her boots.

"I need to see Solas," she said quickly and Cullen frowned. Why did she need to see him now? For a nightmare?

"Liana, it's the middle of the night. Can't it wait until morning?"

"No, I need to see him now. Mamas in trouble," she cried out frantically. He shook his head and stood up.

"Sweetie, it was just a bad dream," he pressed and leaned down to lead her back to the bed. The girl pulled away from her father and frowned.

"No, it wasn't! I need to see Solas!" Her voice grew louder, angrier now, and Cullen found himself growing frustrated. 

"Liana, he's probably not even awake. Just go back to bed. If your mother were in trouble, Cassandra would have told me in the letter," he sighed. A small headache bloomed in the back of his head, making him wish for sleep. Was she like this with Lochlyn?

Liana huffed angrily and turned to run out the door but he quickly wrapped his hands around her waist. Why was she so determined to leave? A small feral growl escaped the girl, distracting him for a moment. She twisted in his embrace, pushing her hands against his armored chest. "Let go," she screamed and he felt an invisible force slam into his chest with blinding pain. Something inside of him stirred as his back hit the far wall, his daughter crying out in response.

The door slammed open as he tried to regain his bearings.

"Rutherford, what the fuck did you do?!" 

He blinked, trying to figure out why Rylen was in the room. Until he saw his daughter, blood dripping from her nose, crumpled and unconscious on the ground. Fear filled him and he tried to stand up to move to her side. Instead, his second-in-command shoved him back, placing himself firmly between the girl and her father. "Rylen, I-"

"Don't even," Rylen snarled, his accent only making his voice even more threatening. He turned and scooped up the girl in his arms. Cullen moved to follow him but Rylen turned back, his blue eyes dark. "Stay. Away. From her," he growled. His friend rarely showed any anger. Actually, Cullen couldn't remember a time when he looked this angry. If looks could kill, Cullen was sure he would have already been at the Makers side ten times over.

Rylen swiftly left the cabin with Liana, leaving Cullen to try and figure out what happened. He frowned. He had grabbed her to prevent her from going. Then she turned and pushed him. _Oh, Maker._ He barely made it to the chamber pot before his dinner came back up. A cold sweat settled over the back of his neck, his headache having grown to a blinding throb. His body still hummed hungrily.

Liana hadn't pushed him. It was a _mindblast._

His daughter was a mage.

And he used his _holy_ _smite_ on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this coming out so late! I actually hit a huge wall on how I wanted it all to come together so it took a lot longer for me to piece it all together! Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos, it means so so much to me!!


	13. Chapter 13

The night faded into the morning, painting the sky shades of orange and blue. Birds chirped happily outside the cabin, voices could be heard drifting around, none the wiser to what had transpired the night before. 

Cullen sat on the bed, staring a hole in the floor. A hand slid down his face, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes. He hadn’t slept. His thoughts kept replaying the scene from the night before over and over again anytime he tried, each time making him vomit. By what felt like the hundredth time, all he could do was dry heave. 

He wanted to see her, wanted to apologize. Rylen wouldn’t let him close to the healers cabin. Cullen swiped a hand over the bruise that more than likely formed. He tried to push past the Knight-Captain, force his way in, only to be met with a right hook to the jaw. Steely blue eyes stared him down as the ex-templar staggered backward.

“Rylen please, I just want to-” 

“Fuck off Rutherford. You’ve done enough damage here,” he hissed. 

“I need to see her. I-I need to...”

“To do what? Apologize? You used your templars powers on  _ your daughter! _ ” Rylen stalked forward and pushed Cullen further back. 

“It was an  _ accident! _ ”

“She’s  _ scared _ of you Cullen!” 

There it was. The exact thing Cullen feared since learning of Liana’s existence. Any blow Rylen could strike against him wouldn’t hurt near as bad as those five little words. Cullen felt the air leave him and Rylens face softened, if only slightly.

“Go get some rest Commander. She is safe with me.”

_ Safe with me. _

Cullen pushed himself off the bed, anger flooding him once again. She shouldn’t have to rely on others to feel safe. She should feel safe with  _ him _ . He was her  _ father _ . Yet he blew it. He paced around the room, trying to calm down. The familiar  _ thump _ in his head had returned in the night and refused him any relief. The song sang in the back of his mind, only furthering his anger.

Anger towards Rylen. The man knew his daughter better than he did. He had apparently helped raise her. Even Cullen noticed she opened up more around her  _ uncle  _ than she did when she was alone with her father. Why did he get to have a relationship with his flesh and blood? 

Anger towards Lochlyn. Why hadn’t she told him Liana was a mage? Was that why she was relying on the apostate to teach their daughter? What if something had gone wrong and she had been hurt?

_ A little late for that Rutherford. You saw to that. _

He growled and swiped a hand through his hair, the knotted curls catching on his fingers. He could keep throwing blame at everyone around him. Yet he knew, no one else was at fault but him. Lochlyn barely trusted him to stay, how could he expect her to tell him about their daughter? Rylen stepped up where he couldn’t, regardless if he knew about the pregnancy, and helped raise a child.

Cullen made his way outside, inhaling the sharp mountain air. He meant to head down to the training area. To start drill that he was now late for. However, his feet carried him towards Solas’s cabin. Varric watched him from behind his book, an eyebrow raised but not a word said. He saw a scout stationed outside and gave a sigh of relief. They wouldn’t give him the same trouble Rylen had the night prior.

“I’m sorry Commander but I’m under orders to not allow you in here,” the elf scout stated with little emotion. Cullen stared at her, feeling the anger he stored away rising again.

“Under whose orders,” he nearly yelled. Maker, who all did Rylen tell?

“Mine, Commander.” 

_ Shit.  _

He turned around as Leliana walked toward him, her hands folded behind her back. She nodded to the scout who bowed and walked off. He started to walk back towards the cabin but the Spymaster grabbed his arm, the grip nothing short of threatening.

“Come take a walk with me,” she said with an eyebrow raised. Cullen looked at her hand, which showed no sign of releasing him, and gave in. He followed her out the gates of the village, casting a gaze over the soldiers. Rylen glanced over at him, a frown forming before returning his gaze on the training recruits. 

Cullen set his jaw and returned his gaze on the path before him. Neither leader said anything, only the sounds from the rocks and dirt crunching under their feet making a noise. They walked across the bridge before Leliana said anything.

“Why were you so eager to visit Solas this morning Commander?”

He huffed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t play coy with me. You had a scout there preventing me from going in. You know Liana is in there.” Leliana didn’t make any motion to confirm nor deny his statement, only furthering his frustration. “Is there a reason you called me out here?”

“Just wanted to find out from you what happened. Knight-Captain Rylen came to-”

“He told you?!”

“-To tell me that he wanted to have a nursemaid to remain with her until the Herald returned from Redcliffe.” She raised her chin to look at the Commander who wore a sheepish look. “I was just curious as to why he felt the need to tell me and not her father?”

Cullen sighed and brought his hand up to his neck, not rubbing it but gripping it as he began pacing again. “It wasn’t my idea, believe me.” 

“Oh?”

“Last night, Liana woke up from a bad dream. She wanted to go to Solas and I... I told her no. I tried to stop her and she hit me with a spell and... I panicked I think. I don’t remember even trying...” He trailed off and sat down on a rock, running a hand down his face. “Maker, I’ve made a mess of things.” Leliana made a noise that sounded neither like approval or disapproval.

“I asked you once before if this would be a problem,” she said finally. “We have worked too hard to have it destroyed by our Commander attacking a child.” He glanced up at her, a frown forming on his face. She chuckled not so lightly and met his gaze. “I can have her removed from Haven, until after the Breach is closed.”

Cullen shook his head. That definitely wouldn’t solve anything. “You know the Herald would destroy this village if we even attempted to hide Liana. Nor would I let you.”

“And you think she won’t when she finds out what you did?”

“You say it like I did it on purpose!” He jumped up from his spot and stared down Leliana, who didn't move from her place. “It. Was. An. Accident,” he growled through gritted teeth. “I didn’t even know I could still do it.”

“King Alistair was able to use his during the Blight, and he said he never took an ounce of lyrium,” she stated and folded her hands back behind her back. “Perhaps it is for the best.”

“ _ No! _ ” He hadn’t meant to yell. Cullen felt her gaze on him as he began pacing again. “I will take care of this. I will make this right. Just... stay out of.” He looked at Leliana who nodded, surprisingly.

They walked back towards the village, once again falling into silence. As they approached the gates to Haven, she slowed her steps and he found himself doing the same.

“An apology won’t win back trust Cullen,” she whispered softly, suddenly softer than she had been minutes prior. As if she hadn’t  _ just  _ threatened to take his daughter. He sighed and nodded. 

“I know,” he whispered. Maker did he know. But he had to try. She had to know he was actually sorry. They split off and he made his way back towards the healer cabin, thankful for once no one was waiting outside. He pushed open the door, trying to gather his words. What could he say or do to prove he was really sorry?

Inside Solas stood with his back to him. Cullen glanced around the room, seeing Liana curled up in a makeshift bed in the corner of the room, sound asleep.

“Had I known I would be playing nursemaid, I would have traveled to Redcliffe with the Herald,” the elf spoke softly, but his annoyance was known. Cullen rubbed his neck, his words failing him now. “Did you need something Commander?”

“I... Uh how is she,” he asked a little too loudly. He froze as she shifted in her sleep, blonde curls drifting over her face. Solas motioned for him to follow him outside and Cullen obliged. He gently pulled the door shut behind him.

“I told her mother to tell you, you know. I warned her this exact thing would happen.” Cullen looked at Solas who was staring at the mountains in the distance.

“Why didn't she,” he finally asked and Solas turned to face him. 

“I cannot answer that but I assume it has to do with your history.”

Of course it did. He figured as much. No matter what, he would always be seen as a templar in her eyes. No wonder Lochlyn wanted to leave as much as she did. She must have known it would only be a matter of time.

“As for your question, Liana is just fine physically,” Solas continued. “As for mentally, that remains to be seen.”

“Is there any risk of possession,” Cullen asked slowly, almost fearing the answer. That wasn’t something he wanted to think about. Without a Circle to guide her, how would she know what to look for? Even he couldn’t ignore that Lochlyn was an apostate, she was no teacher.

“Perhaps,” Solas said nonchalantly. “But I wouldn’t worry about it. She has done well by herself in the Fade. Better than most at her age. The Herald has done a fine job teaching her.” He paused then tilted his head curiously. “Have you been drinking those potions I gave you?” 

Cullen nodded. He had been, though reluctantly. Not entering the Fade at night was... weird. Yeah, it made him sleep  _ so much better _ . His withdrawals were easier to handle those days. Yet it made him feel...  _ off.  _ It wasn’t something he enjoyed doing. Did that have something to do with what happened?

“I think for the time being you should continue,” Solas recommended. “As long as your daughter remains in Haven.”

“Why does that-” The men paused as the cabin door opened, Liana stepping through while rubbing her eyes sleepily. Cullen turned towards her, feeling the familiar warmth of protection. She looked up at Solas and her father with a mix of apprehension and guilt. He lowered himself down to the ground to crouch in front of her. “Liana...”

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. “Mama said I was suppose to hide it and I tried really hard and I didn't mean to push you and-”

“Liana,” he quickly said and held his hand up. She paused with bright amber eyes and he felt the ache in his chest grow. “Don’t apologize. I should be apologizing to you. I never meant to hurt you. You scared me and... I reacted in a way I should never have.”

“Are you a templar,” the girl asked with a shaky voice. He exhaled slowly and closed his eyes, trying to figure out how to word it. Had her mother  _ really _ not told her? Frustration welled up inside of him.

“I was,” he said after a moment. “Not anymore though. I haven’t been one for quite a while.” He tried to reach out to her but she quickly stepped back. 

“Mama said no templar ever stops being a templar. Are you a good templar or a bad templar,” she asked with sudden firmness. Cullen opened his mouth but nothing came out. What could he tell her? The things he did to mages, the things he  _ allowed _ to happen. All spurred from trauma and hate, but that didn’t excuse him. He knew that. “I...”

“Hey Spitfire, you ready for lunch?”

Cullen jumped as Varric appeared at his side. Liana smiled but it wasn’t bright like before, didn’t reach her eyes. She slid around him and moved to the dwarf's side who looked between the two with knowing concern. He stood up and cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“I will let you two go. Take care of her Varric.” It came out almost a plea. Varric nodded and led the girl off. 

“Give her time Commander. You both need it.” Then Solas slid back into his cabin. 

A mix of feelings welled up inside him once again as he looked up at the Breach. There wasn’t time left. Not anymore.

~~~

The days that followed, Cullen threw himself into his work. Drill ran longer and was tighter and when he wasn’t training, he was buried in requisitions and reports. He refused to allow himself any free time. Once his hands grew idle, he would find himself wandering the village in search of Liana. She was actively avoiding him, he knew that much.

“You won’t find her if she doesn’t want found,” Varric said at the end of the first week. “Bear trained her well. Spitfire could give Nightingale a run for her coin if she wasn’t a mage.”

“Bear?” He knew Varrics nickname for Liana and Lelianas, but he had never heard this one.

“Lochlyn.”

“Oh. Why?”

Varric snorted and looked up from his spot by the fire. “You ever fight a bear? We did  _ plenty _ of times in the Hinterlands. It’s like she attracts them. Anyways, you know that saying  _ never come between a bear and her cubs _ ? She embodies it. And not just with her kid. If any of us get injured, it’s like it sends her into a frenzy.”

Cullen lowered his head and left. It felt like a warning instead of an explanation. He needed to tell her what transpired, but it was better in person. Even then, dread filled him the closer the day of her arrival drew in.

He sat at his desk at the end of the second week, rubbing his temple. The headaches were growing worse now. He reached for the tea that had sat on his desk, the smell of elfroot and lavender slowly drifting up. This wasn’t the first time a drink or food had shown up on his desk without him noticing.

He had assumed it was one of the servants, but no one knew anything about it when questioned. It wasn’t a daily thing but whenever his aches grew too much to bear, there always seemed to be a cup of tea waiting for him. He sipped it silently, eyes closed, inhaling the scent as he tried to let it melt away the pain in his head.

“The Heralds back,” someone called from outside his tent. Tea spilled as he jumped up, moving around the table and leaving his tent. They had been warned of a large number of mages coming back with her but even that didn’t give a number to the number of people here. 

Cullen searched the crowd, seeing the Herald on her horse. He frowned as he took her in. Her eyes, usually bright and joyous when she arrived, were dull. Her hair hung around her shoulders instead of the familiar braid. Dark crescent shadows sat under her eyes as if she hadn’t rested. Even her skin, which was already pale, was even a shade lighter, making her a seem almost ghost-like.  _ What had happened in Redcliffe? _

Her eyes met with his and they seemed to light up for a moment, sliding off her horse and moving towards him. She seemed to search for something and he got ready to tell her what had transpired. 

“Mama!”

Their heads both turned as Liana ran down the stairs towards them, Solas following behind her slowly. He watched as Lochlyn fell to her knees, engulfing her daughter in a tight hug. He stepped back, giving her room as Cassandra approached him, a glance towards the two on the ground then back to him, a rare look of sympathy in her eyes.

She pulled Cullen to follow her, saying they needed to brief the others on what happened. He took a final glance back and saw Lochlyn crying and thought he heard Liana's voice saying “I’m okay mama, I’m here, I’m real.”

~~~

Rage.

Pure, unadulterated, rage.

Lochlyn shoved the Chantry door open, ice forming where her hand had been. The leaders turned towards them, surprise written on their faces. Her mark sparked, sending pain up her arm but she ignored it. She stalked forward, her hand clenched into tightly before walking towards the Commander and pulling her fist back.

“You son of a bitch,” she yelled as she hit him. Sharp pains shot through her hand as she managed to hit her mark but his teeth cut into her knuckle. Satisfaction formed on her face as he stumbled backward, his hand wiping blood from his split lip. She started forward again, a cold spell forming but was held back. Cassandra had moved behind her, holding her arms back.

“We trusted you,” she screamed, cursing herself as her voice cracked. Cullen frowned and threw his hands up.

“Why didn't you tell me she was a mage?!”

“Don’t try to pin this on me Rutherford! You attacked her!”

“It was an accident! I wasn’t expecting to get hit with a spell by my own child!” Now his voice held as much anger as hers did. Lochlyn pulled her arms away from the Seeker and moved to stand in front of him.

“A smite is never an accident,” she snarled. “You knew damn well what you were doing!”

“No, I didn’t! And neither did she!” Cullen moved to walk away and she formed a wall of ice in his path.

“Don’t think you are getting to walk away from me Knight-Captain,” she growled and he turned to face her, his own hands balled up.

“That is not my title,” he said with gritted teeth. She snorted and rolled her eyes.

“Could have fucking fooled me! I really thought you change but here we are, seven years later and you’re still Merediths little fucking bitch!” 

There it was, the straw that broke the brontos back. 

Cullen moved towards her but she quickly Fade-Stepped out of his reach, laughing darkly. “How’s that feel? Knowing you’ll never be out from under the old bitch’s shadow?” He made another move towards her but was stopped as Cassandra and Rylen came to stand between them.

“That’s enough,” the Seeker yelled between the two of them. “You both are leaders of the Inquisition and should be acting as such!”

“Fuck the Inquisition,” Lochlyn spat over Rylens shoulder. “I never wanted to be apart of this! You all put me up on a fucking pedestal and called me your fucking  _ Herald of Andraste _ when I don’t even fucking believe!” She made a move to go around him but he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Come on lass, let’s take a walk,” he whispered but she ignored him. Hot tears slipped down her cheeks that she didn’t realize had formed.

“You said we were safe here but the only person we had to fear was you,” she yelled but her words lost their bite as her voice broke down more. Cullen’s amber eyes softened and his fighters stance relaxed into the shape of a man defeated.

“Herald, we need to discuss the Breach-”

“No,” she snapped at Josephine who recoiled from the words as if they were a slap. “We will close it tomorrow.”

Lochlyn let her friend lead her from the Chantry, only faintly listening to his calming words. She thought she would feel better. Instead, she just felt... numb. Numb and tired. She wiped her cheeks of the still falling tears. Rylen led her to her cabin and gently pushed her onto the bed. She stared at the floor until a water skin was pushed into her hand.

“Drink it.” His words held no room for an argument and she found herself obediently taking a drink before pushing it back into his hands. She allowed herself to be laid down and covered up, like a child. The thought made her panic and she shot up.

“Wheres Liana?”

“Shes with the dwarf. I’ll bring her here after you get laid down,” he said gently. “You need to sleep.” Lochlyn nodded and laid back down. He stood around, _ probably making sure I won’t get up, _ she thought to herself, before walking out the door.

~~~

She didn't remember him coming back with Liana but had at some point because her daughter was curled up against her stomach, soft breaths brushing against the exposed skin. Lochlyn carefully removed herself from the bed and stood in the middle of the room, running her hand through her hair. Maker, she needed a bath.

A soft knock on her door echoed through the room and she opened it, smiling at Dorian who stood looking at her with a smile.

“Riveting performance in the Chantry. Reminded me of home,” he said and she found herself laughing weakly as she exited the cabin.

“Tevinter leaders often fight each other in front of their subordinates?”

“Ah well, less fighting, more assassinations.” He smiled and motioned for her to follow. “I rather look forward to seeing this Breach up close tomorrow.”

“So you’re staying even after what happened in the Chantry?” She couldn’t keep the shock out of her voice which only made the other mage laugh. 

“Of course. Didn’t I tell you the South is just so charming and rustic? I adore it to pieces.”

Lochlyn laughed, unable to keep it in. “Well, I am glad. I will be sad not to get to spend more time with you. Liana and I are leaving after the Breach gets closed.”

“Such a shame. I rather enjoyed fighting at your side, even if it was in the future.”

They stood and talked in the evening chill. By the time Dorian said his goodnights, she felt lighter than she had in the last month. She stood for a minute, taking in the calm, fresh mountain air around her before heading back to her cabin. As she turned, she smacked into a metal wall. 

An elderflower and oakmoss scented wall. But now there was something else mixed in, a familiar, sharp but bitter smell that rested in the back of her throat.

Lochlyn looked up at Cullen, who didn’t seem too focused on her. “Commander,” she said curtly.

“Herald,” he returned in the same tone. He pushed passed her, making his way back towards the Chantry as she watched him walk away. The scent faded away as he walked off and she headed back towards her cabin.  Why hadn’t she noticed it before? All templars took lyrium. 

So why was she only smelling it on him  _ now _ ?


	14. Chapter 14

There was no pain now. His head didn’t ache; his stomach didn’t threaten to force him to remove its contents. He was more aware now, felt stronger, _normal_. Yet, he knew it couldn’t last. Cullen stared at the broken glass on his desk, the vial drained. He hadn’t been thinking when he left the Chantry. Cassandra tried to talk to him after Rylen had led Lochlyn away, but he just pushed her away. Talking was not what he wanted, not what he needed.

Lochlyns’ words had echoed in his head. _Still Merediths little bitch._ Merediths influence hung over him for years after her death, and he had done his best to squash it down. To kill all the old prejudices that once plagued him from Kinloch to Kirkwall. Yet she had seen right through it. He had become no worse than his old Knight-Commander, slowly going mad with paranoia. Had he really changed, or was it just wishful thinking?

He had sat in his tent for hours after, trying to shut the thoughts out. Thoughts of Kinloch, flashes of memories. Thoughts of Kirkwall, the rebellion, every thought Meredith put in his head. The song sang loudly, mixed into each memory. Cullen hadn’t even realized his box had been on his lap until after the bitter liquid was swallowed. In an instant, months of perseverance, gone.

Once he realized what had happened, he immediately went to find Cassandra. To tell her he failed. To tell her to find a new Commander. If he couldn’t say no to lyrium, how could he turn down any other temptations? 

Of course, she shot him down immediately. Even chastised him for thinking he could give up so easily. Cullen left her cabin feeling only an inkling better, mainly just felt like he had been scolded by one of the Chantry mothers in Bournshire. She advised him to take a walk, clear his head, and then start again tomorrow. 

And now he wandered the woods on the outskirts of Haven, inhaling the cold mountain air. Snow crunched under his boots as he stared at the stars above, Draconis shining brightly above him, Judex not far from it. At one time, they would have brought him comfort, centered him. He wasn’t sure what they brought now.

The sound of laughter echoed around him, shocking him out of his thoughts. It was light, airy, carefree. Almost childlike. He looked around, slowly drawing his blade. Lights bounced in a clearing ahead, and he made his way towards the sounds. 

He had nearly made it there, quiet as a mouse. Until he stepped on a stick, the damned piece of nature snapping and giving away his position. Cullen froze, the lights not dimming. _Magelight._ A deep chill ran through his body, the lyrium reacting to the magic. “Who’s there,” he called, but no one replied. He stepped into the clearing, swatting away a ball of light that hung in the air. Other than the lights, there was no sign anyone had been here. No bedrolls, no fire, nothing.

The sound of brush shifting grabbed his attention, and he turned, the dire wolf he had seen all those months ago stepped out, a low growl rumbling in its throat. He barely had time to adjust his stance before the animal launched itself at him, its jaws clamping onto the vambrace of his sword arm. He hissed in pain as the pressure built, and he dropped his sword.

Cullen pulled his arm away, the wolf crouching between him and his blade. Luckily he had his boot dagger, but there was no safe way to get it without taking his eyes off the animal. Instead, he studied. Its- no, _her_ after a quick check- muzzle had been scarred since he last saw her. _Likely has pups and is protecting them. Could be a male around._ _Maker, why did I think this was a good idea?_

He moved to the left and the animal followed him, her lips rising into a snarl, showing rows of sharp teeth. One wrong move and they would find his body come morning. The wind blew gently, blowing the snow around them. The lights were beginning to dim, closing his window of opportunity. He would never be able to outrun her. But it would be better than standing around and trying to fight in the dark.

He shifted again, moving more now. The wolf growled and lowered herself to the ground, her muscles shifting under her fur. Cullen sent a silent prayer to the Maker and Andraste. Then he ran.

Maker, what a sight would this make. The Commander of the Inquisition, running from a wolf. As if the night wasn’t already bad. He pushed through the brush and brambles, making his way back towards Haven. The woodland area had started to thin and he began to think he would make it out.

His focus wavered and he stumbled over a rock, throwing his hands out to catch himself and rolling. Paws landed on his chest, warm breath puffing in his face. Cullen opened his eyes, the wolf’s green gaze burning into his amber one. Her ears flicked and she growled softly. Why wasn’t she attacking? He should be long dead now. 

Nonetheless, he wasn’t taking his eyes off her. He would wait until she decided to move, he supposed. Or a patrol came by. Or could reach his boot knife.

Just as Cullen had resigned to shoving the animal off him, something caught her attention; her head snapping to the side, ears alert. The distraction he needed. He pulled out his dagger and plunged it into the animal’s side. She let out a howl of pain, leaping off him and falling, her legs kicking wildly. 

He winced as he realized his aim was off, instead of ribs and vital organs, he found the flesh of her side. She would die, no doubt, but suffer in the meantime. He tried to move towards her, take his dagger and end her life as humanely as possible, but the female wolf struggled to her feet. She bounced through the woods, leaving a trail of blood behind her. Cullen exhaled slowly, his breath calming as the adrenaline left his body. The ache in his arm was starting to come back now, throbbing.

He started to head back to the village, his feet almost dragging. Sleep pulled at him, the high of his _fight or flight_ wearing away. After several painstaking minutes, he made it to his tent and flopped onto his cot with a groan. Nightmares didn’t plague him for the first time in months.

~~~

“The mages and I will head up to the Breach after lunch,” Lochlyn stated coolly. Cullen was finding it hard to focus on the meeting. A headache had come in full force and his stomach was twisting almost just as painfully.

“Are you sure they are ready Herald,” Josephine asked with a worried look. Lochlyn nodded, her face holding no emotion. “They had yesterday to rest, and other than maybe some warm-ups, they haven’t used enough mana to affect anything. The younger mages will go first. They will tire faster. As they tire, the more experienced mages will replace them. There will be a steady stream of magic flowing.” 

Cullen frowned and shook his head. “We should wait until we hear from the Chargers before we even attempt to close the Breach. That much magic will be risking possession, no matter how seasoned they are!”

“We don’t need the templars,” Lochlyn spat, her hands balled up at her sides. “These mages are well on their own. They can do this!”

“It’s not a matter of what they can or cannot do,” Cullen yelled back. “Any mage is susceptible to possession!”

“You would know, wouldn’t you, Commander,” she sneered. “Isn’t that what you and your Knight-Commander did? Pushed the Circle to the point they felt accepting a demons deal was the only way to survive? Create abominations so you didn’t have to feel bad about killing mages?” He felt his anger flair once again and got ready to retort back but Leliana intervened.

“We have actually heard back from Lieutenant Alclassi,” the Spymaster stated. “The templars have already moved out of the fortress. They came across a few deserters before they reached it who informed them. They should be on their way back now.”

“I will not be waiting,” Lochlyn said firmly. “The Breach will not wait.” Her eyes glittered dangerously as she waited for any more disagreements. There was no point in trying to change her mind he decided “After that, Liana and I will be parting ways, as was our agreement.” He watched as she glanced over at Cassandra, who didn't say anything. “If that is everything then-”

“No, it’s not,” Cullen said and Lochlyn glanced towards him, her eyes narrowing almost as if to dare him to say something. “I will be increasing patrols around the woods outside the village. There appears to be a wolf that moved in. She attacked me last night and I wounded her but she got away.” He rubbed his arm, luckily she hadn’t punctured skin, but his arm was bruised. The patrol he sent in recovered his sword, but there was no sign of the wolf.

“Sure she wasn’t just protecting her young,” Lochlyn asked and rolled her eyes. “Or are you just so bloodthirsty you couldn’t wait to sink your blade into-”

“Okay, enough!” Cassandra grabbed her arm and pulled her to the door. “Let’s take a walk.” Cullen sighed as they left and rubbed his face, the pulse in his head growing worse. The song sang heavily in the back of his mind. He tried to ignore it and left the room, deciding to prepare the soldiers for the trip to the Breach in a few hours.

~~~

“Solas confirms the Breach is closed, though the skies are scarred,” Cassandra said from Cullen's side as they stared up at the night sky. The sounds of celebration rang throughout the tiny village but he couldn’t find it in him to celebrate.

“And the Herald?”

The Seeker sighed and looked at him with a sorry gaze. “Neither her nor your daughter has been seen.” She reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. “Cullen, I-”

“Don’t,” he whispered and walked away. For months, Lochlyn had been telling him. He had months to prepare. Yet it still felt like his heart had been ripped apart. His hands pulled out the stuffed mabari that had been left on his desk from his inner armor pocket. He had bought it for Liana when her mother left for Redcliffe. The grey and white stuffed dog stared at him with its beaded black eyes. 

“Commander!” 

Cullen slid the toy back in his pocket and turned to the scout running up to him from the path. The man was breathing heavily, bent over as the words spilled out. “Forces... Coming... Large...”

“Spit it out man,” he ordered impatiently. The scout stood upright, his chest still heaving. “There’s a large army coming through the pass.” He motioned the scout to follow him and explain as they jogged back into the village. “Sound the alarm! To arms,” he barked, and the warning bells rang through Haven. He sent the scout to help lead people to the Chantry as Josephine and Cassandra ran up to him, getting briefed on the situation.

“Under what banner?”

“None,” he said solemnly.

“None?!” Josephine wore a look of horror that matched the feeling in Cullen. Who had they angered so much that they would march on a village full of innocents? A thud at the village gates redirected their attention. He drew his sword and shield, ready for whoever was trying to invade.

“Open up! I can’t come in unless you open!”

“Papa!”

Cullens darted for the door, shoving them open. A templar ran towards him, and he raised his sword but the blow never came as lightning ignited the man. Liana ran forward and he dropped to his knee, embracing her tightly. Tears welled in his eyes as his fears were quickly extinguished. Minutes felt like they had passed when only a minute had barely ticked by. He pulled her back to send her inside but immediately stopped as he saw the blood covering her. “Liana where are-”

“It’s not hers.”

He looked up to see Lochlyn being barely held up by a kid who looked barely in his teens. Her side was covered with dark red blood and her complexion was almost grey. He stood and quickly wrapped an arm around her side and helped her inside. Solas and Vivienne were already headed to the gate as they limped inside.

“Goodness, my dear. How are you even still alive,” the Enchanter asked in shock as a green light lit up in her hand. Liana hovered at Solas side, a fearful look in her eyes, as he settled in to assist. “You have to help her Solas,” she whimpered.

“I will. Give us space _da’len_ ,” he murmured and gently pushed her towards her father. Cullen wrapped a protective hand over her. Liana pressed her face into his arm, her face wet with tears and blood. “I had to use my magic,” she whispered fearfully and Cullen hugged her tightly, wishing he could take her away from all this. Maker did he want to. “You did what you had to cub.” 

“Commander you need to get everyone out of here,” Lochlyn groaned as the healers worked on her side. Cullen frowned as he took a closer look at her wound, similar to a blade striking. “The templars... they are coming.”

“The templars,” he yelled. “Is this how they react to our talks with the mages?” Solas and Vivienne stepped away and Lochlyn forced herself up, leaning heavily on her staff. Some color had returned to her face, but she was still paler than usual. 

“The Red Templars went to the Elder One. Do you know him? He knows you.” Cullen didn't like this boy, everything about him seemed... off. How did he know so much?

“We know him,” Lochlyn said grimly. “He was an ex-Templar. Helped me escape Kirkwall.” Her eyes locked with his and he frowned. “Its Samson.”

“Samson?” He couldn’t hide the disbelief in his voice. He had been reinstated as a templar but had disappeared shortly after Meredith's death. Yet her voice held no argument, her eyes dark and determined. She motioned to Solas who handed her a lyrium potion. He watched as she uncorked it and tilted it back, the song singing oh so loudly, then choked as she sprayed the ground with the majority of it.

“No need to be so dramatic dear,” Vivienne scoffed. Lochlyn glared at the mage then slowly stood up more. 

“Commander, we need to get the villagers to safety,” she growled, and he nodded in agreement. “Haven is no fortress. We need to take control of the battle if we are to survive.”

“You have the mages. Use them.” Her voice was harsh, almost daring him to fight her but he refused to give her the satisfaction. There were people's lives at stake. As she called for her companions, he turned and addressed the soldiers and mages that had gathered at the gates. These were templars against mages, it would almost be a slaughter.

“Soldiers lead the front,” he called. “The man leading the templars is Samson, he will not make this easy! Mages you,” he hesitated before continuing. It was war, people died. He knew this. “You have sanction to engage. You all know the powers of templars, take care, and be mindful of your surroundings! For the Herald! For your lives! For us all!”

He watched as the men and woman charged forward, meeting the templars that had started to flood in. Lochlyn ran out the gates with Bull, Blackwall, Dorian, and Solas. “Herald, you’ve been injured. You should stay in here,” Cullen cried out and Liana followed at his side. 

“No, they need me out there,” she growled. Her pale eyes were alight with fire as she gazed back at him then at her daughter. “Liana, you need to go to the Chantry with the other children.”

“Why,” the girl asked indignantly. “I can help! I helped on the way here!” Liana lowered herself to the girls level and placed her hands on her shoulder. Cullen gripped his sword as the sounds of battle rang out outside of the village, the adrenaline coursing through his blood. 

“I know cub and you did amazing. But I need you to stay here. You can help people in the Chantry,” she said softly. The girl whimpered but nodded, Lochlyn leaning forward to kiss the girl’s head. She stood up and met Cullen’s gaze, her eyes hardening but he could see the fear in her eyes. “Do. Not. Let anything. Happen. To her.”

Cullen nodded and she ran to catch up to her group. “Josephine, take Liana to the Chantry. Help her get cleaned up please.” The girl looked up at him in protest but he placed his hand on her back and gently pushed her towards the ambassador. His hands were shaking, the hunger for lyrium gnawing in his mind. A glance towards the gates showed the battle growing closer and he jogged towards the entrance. His issues would have to wait.

~~~

Cullen stood at the Chantry doors, motioning people to run in. _A Maker damned dragon._ Of course. As if getting slammed by lyrium infested templars wasn’t bad enough. Now they had a dragon burning everything down. Grief filled him as his eyes fell on his daughter, sitting and talked with a group of kids not much older or younger than her. All were terrified. No doubt some had just become orphans, parents fighting on his orders. _Such is war_ , he kept telling himself. 

Yet, Liana showed no fear. He watched her hands dance, making small balls of light, distracting them from the terror happening outside the door. _Wonder if Lochlyn did this for her on the road?_ He looked back towards the village as Lochlyn and the companions charged towards the doors. At least they made it out. 

The doors closed behind as they clambered in, each one covered in blood and looked ragged. Liana got up and ran to her mother, Lochlyn engulfing her in a hug with a loud sigh of relief.

“Herald our position isn’t good,” Cullen whispered as she broke the hug. He noticed a bruise forming on her cheek, the red ropes of the outfit she insisted on wearing hung loosely off her arms, frayed and cut. “Any time you may have gained us was lost from the dragon. It cut a path through our army, it’ll kill everyone in Haven.”

“What do you suggest Commander,” she whispered, her eyes flitting down to the blonde girl between them. Her voice was soft, a large contrast from the harsh, biting tone she had carried just hours before. Instead of the determined woman he saw at the village gates, he saw pure terror, green eyes bright and wet. 

“The Elder One doesn’t want the village. He wants the Herald,” the weird boy, Cole now that he remembered, said cryptically. Liana hugged her mother's leg and Lochlyn sighed softly and closed her eyes. Cullen watched her swallow before she turned to face the strange man. “Would it keep him from the village?”

“Mama no!”

“Lochlyn you can’t be serious!”

She lowered herself to the ground in front of Liana, the girl's eyes bright with tears. “Mama you can’t go,” the girl pleaded. He watched Lochlyn brush a loose curl from the crying girls’ eyes. 

“Baby girl,” she whispered and Cullen could see the tears threatened to fall. “I have to do this. That man is going to hurt everyone out there if I don’t. You are a big girl now and I can’t always be there.” A roar shook the Chantry, dust falling on them. Liana shook her head, her hands balled up in defiance.

“I can help Mama. Like I did before.”

Lochlyn chuckled softly and kissed her daughter's forehead again. “My brave, brave girl. Close your eyes cub,” she whispered and the girl did so obediently. “No matter what happens, no matter what they say to you, you know remember what to say?” Now tears escaped the Heralds eyes, cutting through the dirt and dried blood on her face, as the girl nodded sharply. “Always say no. Never trust anyone or anything.”

“Good girl. Now keep your eyes shut. Why don’t you tell me your favorite memory?” Cullen watched as Lochlyns hands danced in front of their daughter, almost like she was drawing. The air around them hummed with magic.

“When we found my Daddy,” the girl whispered and he couldn’t keep back the weak smile from forming on his lips. Seven years of life, and he was her favorite memory. He watched as Lochlyn stilled for a moment, her tears heavier now. “I love you Liana. More than life itself.”

“I love you too Mama.” He watched as Lochlyns hand flicked and the girl slumped forward into her arms. Cullen frowned and got ready to ask what she did but Lochlyn was already laying the girl down on the ground and standing up. “It’s a sleep spell Commander. So she doesn’t try to follow me.”

“Herald there is no tactic to make this survivable,” he whispered. Nausea twisted his stomach and he was unsure if it was from the withdrawals or their impending doom. _Lyrium is the least of your concerns now, Rutherford._ “The only thing that slowed them was that avalanche. We could turn the trebuchet, cause one last slide.”

“And bury Haven,” she said weakly. He watched her wipe away the trail of tears that marked her face, schooling her face into her unreadable one. 

“We’re dying, but we can choose how. Many don’t get that choice.”

“Wait,” the Chancellor croaked. He had been stabbed by a templar as they broke through the gates. He was dying slowly and despite all their fights, Cullen found himself feeling sympathetic towards the man. “There is a path. You wouldn’t know it unless you took the summer pilgrimage as I have.” The man stood up and Lochlyn moved to support him, her hand lighting up green and likely trying to heal what damage had been done. “The people can escape through there.”

She looked towards Cullen with pleading eyes. “Will it work? Can you lead these people out?”

“Of course. What about you?” He reached out for her arm but she pulled back with a slight smile, shaking her head sadly. “Well, you get your wish Commander. It’s no Breach remaining open, but you get Liana longer. Her whole life, if I take this bastard out.”

Cullen frowned and shook his head. “Lochlyn, this wasn’t what I meant.”

“I know,” she shrugged then pulled out a dagger, placing it in his hands. “If... If I fail... and they get to you... ” She trailed off and looked at her daughter’s sleeping body and he felt ice in his veins. 

“No, absolutely not,” he snarled. “You cannot honestly be asking me to... to kill our child!”

“Cullen, you didn't see what I did in Redcliffe,” she pleaded. “They _cannot_ get her. Do not let them get our daughter. Promise me.” Her eyes bore into his eyes and he shook his head, pushing the blade into her hands and leaning over to scoop up Liana.

“Make sure you don’t fail then,” he said firmly. Another roar shook the building and she turned, her companions gathering at her side, Lochlyn reaching out to smooth her daughter’s hair, then darting out the door. 

“Maker guide you Herald,” he whispered as he turned to start herding people towards the path. His gaze landed on Liana, who had curled into his armor. Not knowing that her mom was going to her death. He reminded himself that _such is war_ , but this time, he couldn’t convince himself that it was the truth.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a while to put together but it's here! There's not as much Liana but that gets made up in an extra fluffy next chapter! Aaaaaand there's smut. Oops. Special thanks to my friends in DACord for help betaing, there was a lot of fear when writing this and they helped calm a lot of it. Hope you enjoy!

Two months. Two months since the fall of Haven. Lochlyn sighed as they rode into Skyhold, Varric telling Liana a story that she was interrupting excitedly every two minutes. The Iron Bull and Cassandra were _still_ gushing over the dragon they killed. The entire trip felt like one mess after another. Undead rising from a rift in the lake, finding out the mayor had flooded his entire village, then finding out he ran like a coward. The only thing that worked in their favor was librating a keep and finding Hawkes Warden ally. And fighting the dragon, if you asked Bull.

Hawke could have told her his contact was Loghain Mac Tir, though. _He probably would have if he'd stop staring at my breasts every time we stopped._ There were enough Fereldans in the Inquisition that they would notice him, which could be a disaster once they found out. She was quite sure Josephine would have some sort of political reason for them to not work with him, while Cullen and Leliana would have more patriotic reasons. They would have to be set aside. He was not the antagonist in this story, as Varric would probably say.

The horns sounded, alerting the fortress of her arrival. A crowd had formed at the gates, eager to see their Inquisitor return safe and _alive._ _Probably worried I wouldn’t come back._ She slid off her horse, patting the mare’s neck to cover her discomfort. Her leg still hadn’t fully recovered from Haven’s fall, cramping up several times when traversing the wet Ferelden land and aching from the weather. Solas had warned her that she might not recover fully, and it was proving to be true. It would help if she rested longer like he told her, though.

"Inquisitor." Lochlyn turned to see Cullen walking up to her. Prickly unease settled into her gut once again as it had after arriving in Skyhold nearly a month ago. "Commander." They hadn't said much in the way of niceties with each other, since he pulled her out of the snow. _Had I even thanked him?_ She couldn't remember. She remembered their argument though.

_"How could you ask me to kill her," he whispered harshly. Liana had curled into her side and fallen into a heavy sleep, his fur mantle carefully draped over them. The chill hadn't left her but she was slowly starting to warm up. Guilt pushed on her and she sighed, running a hand through her damp hair._

_"You didn't see what I did Cullen," she whispered back in a defeated tone. "The person she had become in that future-"_

_"What if I had done it? When the dragon flew off, we didn't know if it was coming for us or not," he growled. "If I had..." He trailed off and looked at the sleeping child, a mix of anger and anguish evident on his face. "If I had, and you came back, it would have broken me. I deserve better than that and so does she." He stormed out of the tent after that, leaving her to her thoughts and the tears that had started to fall._

“Papa!”

Lochlyn pulled out of her memory as Liana ran up to Cullen, who was already lowered down to her level. The familiar need to call her daughter back to her side built up, but she stopped herself. _No need to start something in the middle of the courtyard._ It was the first time she left her side since they found her in the snow, half-frozen and broken, but alive.

She couldn’t hear the conversation but it had made the two laugh, the sound ringing like a musical harmony. Liana motioned to something in her hand, her father bowing his head. When he rose again, he wore a crown of daisies. She had worked on it the last time they stopped for camp and was actually quite excited. Their daughter grabbed his hand, dragging him off somewhere to avoid her studies.

She couldn’t help but shake her head with a roll of her eyes. How the girl could just go back to her normal self with him, she had no idea. Lochlyn growled to herself, rubbing the now healed dagger wound in her side. 

“Blue sings in his head. Pain fills his thoughts but leaves when he sees her. ‘I can be better. I need to be better. For her.'"

She jumped, a cold spell forming in her hand. “Sweet Andastes ass Cole! What are you on about?” The spirit sat on her horse’s saddle, his pale eyes looking at her with the same distant look he had when they talked before she left Skyhold. 

He looked at her and tilted his head. “You say you hate him, but your heart still calls out like it did in Haven. Searching, begging, reaching. Speeding up with every glance, aching when it cannot see him.”

Lochlyn froze and turned to face the boy, forcing her anger back into its place. The horse pawed the ground and let out a snort, distracting her briefly. “I do not feel love for that man,” she growled. “He is Liana’s father, the Commander of the Inquisitions forces. Nothing more.” _Nothing more._ Cole frowned and shook his head. “Then why-”

“Stop.” Her voice came out sharper than intended, and it made her wince. He just stared at her with sad puppy eyes, which only added to her guilt. “I’m... I’m sorry, Cole. I just... I just don’t have that kind of feeling for him.”

“I didn’t mean to make it worse.” Lochlyn shook her head and got ready to tell him otherwise, but the boy had disappeared. _I don't have feelings for him._

She led her horse to the stable, rubbing her temple. _I need to give you a name, old girl._ Dennett was talking to a stable hand, turning to nod at her and mumble ‘Inquisitor’ before taking the reins. 

She still wasn’t used to the title. It felt weird in her mouth, heavy and bitter. Just a reminder that she was trapped. _Again._ The mark on her hand sparked at her thoughts, green light bouncing off the stone stairs as she climbed them to the main hall. So long as Corypheus lived, neither of them would be safe. So here she would stay.

Her eyes wandered over the hall. Wood and stone no longer laying on the floor, tables sat in place of them, and people now filled the halls. Most were workers, trying to rebuild the fortress, some were servants and soldiers, and a few nobles stood talking amongst themselves. _Things are really starting to come together here._

“Your Worship, if I might have a moment?”

Lochlyn kept walking until she heard it again. _Oh, it’s me. I’m Worship._ Again with the titles. She turned, seeing Mother Giselle walking towards her. Her thoughts turned to Liana, who still hadn’t shown up since disappearing with her father.

“Mother Giselle, is everything alright?”

“I have news regarding one of your companions.” The Orlesian woman looked uncertain, and Lochlyn let out an exasperated sigh. 

“What did Sera do this time,” she asked, unable to keep the annoyance from her voice. Not back a full day and already-

“It’s not the elf girl,” she sputtered. Her hands were clasped in front of her, a piece of paper becoming slightly crinkled. “It’s about the Tevinter.”

Lochlyn frowned and crossed her arms, the tone of disfavor not lost to her. “Do you have an issue with him, Mother?” Her parents always instilled the need to respect the Chantry Mothers and sisters when they dragged her to the services, but she wasn’t the same little girl now. Her faith, what remained of it, had been shaken too many times. Being a woman of the cloth would not protect her if she was going to start dragging her companions through the mud.

“I... admit his presence here makes me nervous, Inquisitor. But my feelings are unimportant.” _That we can agree on._ “I have been in contact with his family. Are you familiar with them?”

Of course. Because why wouldn’t she be in contact with them? “We have talked briefly about them. They are not on good terms.” 

“I can agree with that. The family sent a letter, explaining the estrangement, and pleading for my aid.” The woman’s eyes softened, and she fiddled with her hands, almost nervously. “They’ve asked me to arrange a meeting, quietly, without telling them. They fear it will be the only way he’ll come. Since you’re on good terms with him, I’d hoped-”

“You’d hoped I would lie to my friend? Possibly lead him and myself into a Venatori trap?” Her words were heated, and some of the nobles glanced over to see the source of the Inquisitor’s ire. Mother Giselle did not flinch under her voice, though, only held her head higher. “I pray it is not a trap, but if it is, its all the more reason for you to go, no?”

Lochlyn sighed and rubbed her forehead. Maker what she wouldn’t give to be able to run right now. Or just walk away. “Why are they writing you instead of Josephine or even me,” she asked instead. 

“They do not know you, Inquisitor. I’m not of the Imperial Chantry, but they know what I represent.” She paused before giving Lochlyn a sympathetic look. “Theses are parents concerned about the welfare of their child. Would you not do the same for your daughter? How could I not help?”

Lochlyn frowned. She had never put Liana in a situation that pushed her away and prayed she would never. But if the case came up, could she say she wouldn’t hunt her daughter down? Beg for forgiveness for whatever transgression came up? “I won’t lie to him,” she said with a heavy sigh. “But I will talk to him.”

Mother Gisele nodded with a slight smile, and Lochlyn headed towards the library. The War Room meeting could wait for a little while longer. Plus, she needed a bath. Bad.

~~~

Josephine’s office was empty when she finally made it towards the War Room. _Good, they seem to have waited. How nice._ Dorian took the news... about as well as she had expected. They would head out to Redcliffe the following day to meet the retainer. Or walk into a trap. Then she got waylaid by Sera and Liana as she left the library, on their way to perform some prank. She had to tell her about some march she wanted done in some Orlesian city for the ‘little people.’ She honestly couldn’t remember. It seemed like hours before she finally made it up to her room, happy to shed her armor and clean the dirt and undead smell from her body.

She walked briskly down the hall, glancing at the open wall and into the mountains. _Someone will have to patch that up eventually._ The cold mountain breeze drifted in and swept her dress around, making her smile. Its been a long time since she got to feel... feminine? Its been pants and armor everywhere she went. She deserved this brief moment of normalcy. Plus, she loved the deep red of it. That was always a bonus.

Voices drifted out of the room as Lochlyn pushed the door open. Would this meeting just be another one spent screaming at each other? Last meeting Cullen stormed out, the door nearly coming off its hinges. Leliana and Josephine stood at the head of the table, Cullen off to the side, looking over the map. The crown of daisies still sat in his hair, making her smile just a little bit.

“Inquisitor, nice of you to join us,” Leliana purred with a hint of annoyance. Everyone looked at her as she walked to the table, placing her hands on the edge. Lochlyn nodded and glanced around the table. “I’m assuming you will want to discuss my trip to Crestwood?”

“I have my scouts looking for the mayor as we speak.”

“Good,” she said with a nod. “And I trust Caer Bronach is in good hands?”

Leliana eyed her carefully and nodded, her blue eyes dancing. “Charter can handle it just fine.”

“I have some of my soldiers stationed there as well,” Cullen said from his corner. “The bandits will not be returning anytime soon. They will also keep an eye out for any undead that may still be lingering.”

Lochlyn nodded and glanced over the map. “Well, you were right Leliana. The Wardens did disappear.” She tapped on the table and frowned. “I’m sure you read my report. Every Warden in Orlais is hearing their Calling. The Warden-Commander of Orlais requested help from the other leaders. That’s why everyone is gone.”

If she was concerned, Leliana didn’t show it outwardly. Instead, she shifted her gaze to the map as well. “King Alistair should be made aware. I will send him a letter to let him know. You said Hawke's Warden contact was Loghain Mac Tir?”

Lochlyn nodded and glanced around the table at the advisors. “This will not be a problem?” It was formed as a question but she made sure the threat was made plain as day. Josephine looked over her board and was writing something down before nodding. 

“Having Warden Mac Tir may not give us any favors with the Orlesian Courts, but it may gain us favor with the Ferelden one. His daughter is still Queen, and having him help us could grant us favors, should we decide to use them.” She nodded to the Ambassador then looked at the Commander, who looked like he bit into something bitter. “Something to add Commander?”

He cleared his throat and rested his hand on his pommel. “He will be a good asset to us. His military knowledge alone will be advantageous to us.” Lochlyn raised her eyebrows. That wasn’t what she had expected from him. “However, I should caution you against trusting him.” _There it was._

“I agree with the Commander.” The Spymasters voice was not one she would have expected to chime in. “The man may be a Warden now, but he abandoned the field at Ostagar. Abandoned his King and his army. Who’s to say he won’t do it here?”

Lochlyn frowned and uprighted herself, crossing her arms. “You traveled with the Wardens during the Fifth Blight. You and the Hero of Ferelden were close, correct? Are you speaking as my Spymaster or as someone who is still mourning? As I understand it, he was supposed to kill the Archdemon, but Ami Amell did it in his place.” The words came out faster than she could stop them. It wasn’t how she wanted to word it, realizing how harsh it came across. Leliana didn’t budge though; her face remained impassive.

“I am speaking my opinion,” she replied calmly. “You also were not there, and you would do well to still your tongue about things you do not know.” Tension weighed heavily in the room. _Another meeting spent arguing it is._ Lochlyn nodded though and returned her gaze to the map.

“I know enough after spending time with Warden Loghain,” she said firmly. “I trust that he is a changed man. Commander,” she said without looking at him. “You will put his knowledge to work when he arrives. You said yourself; his knowledge could help, so use it.” 

“Yes, Inquisitor.”

Lochlyn gazed over the map and placed her marker over The Western Approach and sighed. “Hawke and Loghain are headed here after dealing with some business in Crestwood then we will travel to The Western Approach together. It’s where the Grey Wardens are meeting. I have somethings I need to take care of in Redcliffe in the meantime and will be leaving tomorrow.”

“Inquisitor, there is another matter involving your family.” She looked at Josephine, who laid another letter on the table. “It would appear they are starting their rumors again, pinning us as usurpers and thieves.” Groaning, Lochlyn rubbed her face and looked at the ambassador. “Can’t we just let them talk themselves to death? Or maybe _actually_ send assassins?”

Leliana smirked and nodded while Josephine shook her head. “The ringleader, Bann Dorner, sells his harvest to Antiva. If his taxes were inflated, it would take his eyes off us.” 

Lochlyn nodded then looked towards another spot. “Commander, there is something that is going on in Verchiel. A land issue, I suppose. Sera had asked for some soldiers to march through, scare some of the nobles?” She chuckled and shrugged. “Honestly, you might want to check in with her yourself. I do not remember what she wanted completely. But I do want it done.” Cullen looked like he would argue then thought better of it, putting his marker on the map. 

“How is morale,” Lochlyn said after they finished going through Josephine’s letters. Hunger pulled at her now as the room began to grow darker with the setting sun. Liana would be looking for her too, if Sera hasn’t gotten her into trouble.

“It’s still recovering,” Cullen said with a sigh. “It improved greatly since you accepted your role as Inquisitor. Krem arrived with the Templars shortly after you left for Crestwood, and its helped as well.”

“I’ve also found the money to compensate the families of those we lost in Haven,” Josephine added, and Lochlyn nodded silently. The group remained quiet. Too much was lost after Haven; there couldn’t be another repeat. Cullen had told her as much when they talked after her ‘coronation.’ But if morale didn’t go up soon...

“Josie,” Lochlyn said with a sweet smile. “Do you think you could find the funds for a party?”

“A party?” The advisors all looked at her as if she had sprouted a third head.

She grinned and nodded her head. “We were traveling during Satinalia. What if we hosted a Firsts Day party and a Satinalia party at the same time? That would do wonders for morale!” Josephine’s eyes lit up as she began to rattle off all the things they would need, but it could indeed be done. Even Leliana had an air of excitement about her as she pitched in ideas, though she did well to hide it. The only one who didn’t was Cullen who made sure to disagree with their ideas. 

“There’s no need to be so grumpy,” Lochlyn said harshly. His dour mood was finally hitting her, and she was tired of it. “You can stand around and be our pretty boy for the night if you are so against attending a celebration for _fun_.”

His eyes darkened and his face flushed a pretty pink color, which only made her smirk grow before returning her attention to the party planning. He didn't make another sound as they finished up their plans. She would go to Redcliffe, deal with her business, try to find time to talk to the Arl, who was still _not happy_ with the mages’ damages, then when she returned they would have the party. 

Excitement filled her for the first time since arriving in Haven. Despite everything happening outside of Skyholds walls, this would be good for everyone. Something to look forward to that wasn’t a fight with Venatori or closing rifts. Something _fun_.

“Inquisitor.” 

Lochlyn paused as Josephine and Leliana left the room, turning towards where Cullen was making his way around the table. His amber eyes were dark and the redness had yet to fade. She had to bite her lip to keep from grinning. _If he's trying to look angry, he looks as dangerous as a box full of kittens._ “I am not some... prop for you ladies to dress up and show off whenever you feel like,” he spat. She met his heated gaze with a smirk.

“You sure because,” she flicked the daisy crown still on his head. “It damn well looks like it.” Teasing him _probably_ wasn’t the best choice, but she couldn’t help it. “Besides, you are a _very_ pretty boy-”

She had expected him to yell. Maybe storm off as he had in their previous meetings when she taunted him. She hadn’t expected being pushed into the wall though. Or finding his lips on hers. Definitely didn’t expect the jolt of pleasure to shoot into her lower belly from it.

A small squeak escaped her as he pressed his weight into her, the stone wall biting into her back. The kiss was broken just as quickly as it started and Cullen looked down at her, apprehension written on his face with a bright pink blush. She pulled him back for another heated kiss before he could form his apology.

The little groan he let out only further encouraged her as she pulled from the kiss and moved along his jawline, leaving little nips and kisses. “You are insufferable, Inquisitor,” he growled softly. His hands wandered over her body, leaving trails of invisible fire burning in their wake, coming to rest on her hips. How long had she wanted this? Her mind wandered back to the day in his tent in Haven. 

_No, this is nothing. Just sex. You need it. He evidently needs it. Just sex, no strings attached._

She let out a soft whine as he pulled away from her, dropping to his knees. “Tell me if you want me to stop,” he whispered, his eyes nearly black with desire. His hands slid up her thighs and she couldn’t contain the shiver that shook her body. She would have to thank Josephine for putting this dress in her wardrobe. The slightly open front was proving to be worth the hassle walking here after all.

“If you don’t do something soon Commander, I will leave and take care of myself,” she tried to growl threateningly, but it only came out a pitiful whine. A whine that made him give her a stupid little smirk with his scarred lip that nearly took her legs out. His hands grazed across her core, her hips jerking out to meet his hand as he moved away to pull her panties down.

“Makers breath ‘Lyn,” he whispered. "How are you so wet from just a couple kisses?" She flushed at his praise and whined again. She was also becoming incredibly self-conscious. Why did she feel like a blushing virgin? It wasn’t her first time with _him_ , the proof running around Skyhold doing Maker knows what. She had spent plenty of time with men and women in Antiva. Why did she feel so shy?

His hand, still in its leather glove, trailed over her slit and grazed her pearl, making her gasp and jerk her hips forward, eliciting a low chuckle from him before he leaned in and licked a stripe along her folds, gripping her hips almost to the point of bruising. 

Her hands had remained balled up at her side, fisting her dress as he continued his careful attack on her. One hand found its way to her mouth to cover her cries as his tongue worked endless, dipping between her folds and teasing the bundle of nerves that was growing almost too sensitive. The other found its way into his hair, messing up his perfect slicked back style, and pulling tightly. A gloved finger worked its way between her folds, then another, curling against the sensitive spot within her. White spots filled her vision and his name slipped out like a curse and praise. A delicious-sounding groan vibrated her core as she hit her peak, her covered mouth not doing much to block out her cry. 

Lochlyns eyes were still closed when Cullen kissed her, the taste of her still heavy on his tongue. A soft moan vibrated in her chest and he chuckled into the kiss as she fumbled with his belt on his trousers. 

“Impatient Inquisitor,” he teased softly as his hands moved to help her. His sword and trousers clattered to the ground but neither moved to stop it as she pulled down his smallclothes, watching his cock spring out. She wrapped her hand around it, gently stroking it. Her smile grew as he placed his hands back on her hips, steadying himself. His little gasps and moans fueled the fire that was starting to build again.

A growl escaped him as she swiped over the head a third time, spreading the precome that had started to leak out. “Fuck this,” he murmured and lifted her under her thighs, making her gasp with surprise and buried himself inside her.

They both let out a groan of pleasure as he stilled, panting heavily. The stone bit into her back as he pinned her against the wall. His amber eyes met hers, the amber in his eyes now a thin ring surrounding his pupil, his cheeks flushed and sweaty. 

Lochlyn hissed as he pulled back and buried himself again. Her hands gripped the fur mantle, only slightly annoyed he still had his armor on. Annoyance had no real place here as she was mewling into his neck with each movement. The familiar heat began growing but was only a small flame in his slow pace.

“Commander,” she half pleaded, half growled. “If you don’t _fuck me_ -”

Cullen chuckled and quickened his pace, slamming into her now mercilessly. Every slam forced a cry from her and a feral growl from him. His hand slid from its spot on her hip and slid where they were connected, brushing against her clit. White light danced behind her eyes as she cried out, her second orgasm rushing through her. He hissed as she tensed around him, his movements becoming more erratic before biting into where her neck and shoulder met, stilling and spilling himself inside her.

Lochlyn leaned forward, her breath fogging up his armor. Cullen slowly pulled out of her, both parties letting out a low groan. He slowly lowered her to the floor, his face bright red with exertion and probably a blush. Neither person said anything as they put the removed clothing back on.

Cullen turned around and Lochlyn couldn’t help but giggle. Despite everything that just happened, the daisy crown remained on his head. It was falling apart, some of the daisies were missing petals or just plain missing, but it still sat upon his mussed hair. She reached up to fix it as best she could, watching his blush only grow. 

She opened her mouth to say something, preferably witty but nothing came out. Did he really fuck her speechless? He looked her over, smirking at her struggle to form something other than weird noises. 

“If I’d known this was all it took to shut you up,” he whispered in her ear, “I would have fucked you a long time ago.” He planted a kiss on the scarred corner of her mouth before turning and leaving the room with his stupid, little smirk plastered on his face and a weird bubbly feeling in her stomach.

_That cocky shit._

Lochlyn waited a few minutes, giving him time to leave without it looking suspicious. _Maker, please don’t let Josephine be in her office._ Would the sound carry down there? Probably not. Did she want to get caught doing the walk of shame out of the War Room? Abso-fucking-lutely not. She made a mental note to swing by the clinic to get some witherstalk. The last thing she needed right now is _another_ child to stress out about when she left the safety of Skyhold. 

As she got ready to walk passed Josephine’s desk, the ambassador flagged her down with more questions about the upcoming party and a not-so-sly smile. She could only hope that it would be worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your comments and kudos! I appreciate every single one and they help me keep going when I get stuck! Up next we deal with Dorians father, fluffiness with Lochlyn and Dorian, the party (and gifts!), Cullen and Liana fluffiness then we are off to the Western Approach!
> 
> Stay safe out there lovelies!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So originally, this was suppose to have Cullens scene about lyrium, Dorians personal quest, the chess scene *and* the party. It ended up being more than I had planned so it's getting broken up into two chapters. Sorry this is taking so long to get out to you, my brain has decided we are going to come up with several end game scenarios instead of whats planned and keeps distracting me!

“Inquisitor!”

Lochlyn turned around from her saddlebag to the scout that was running up to her. Jim was his name? She couldn’t remember, just that he was Cullens runner and the poor man had nearly met his death a time or two. Even now he looked half scared.

“The Commander asked to see you before he left,” he reported then ran off before she could ask the reasoning. Though she had a sinking feeling she knew what it would be. Bruises still littered her hips from the previous days... _escapades._ The bite on her neck he had left had bruised over nicely, even if it was in a not so secret spot. Luckily a scarf could cover it.

Not that it bothered her. No, the bruises on her body didn't bother her. The sex hadn’t bothered her. His smell did. It was leather, and sweat, and oakmoss and it smelled _fantastic._ But the smell of lyrium though had been faint, barely there. It was much stronger before, in Haven. Now it smelled as if he hadn’t touched it in a while. Lochlyn sighed as she counted the blue bottles in her bag. A thought hit her as she looked at the vials, the liquid refracting the light that hit it.

“You idiot,” she whispered before almost running to his office. The feeling that settled over her, made her heart race faster as she bounced the stairs, was one she didn’t want to attach to him. One she allowed for only Liana when a battle broke out before the girl could get away safely. And _Maker did she not want to admit that._

Cullen’s office door clattered open as she burst through it, unable to slow her pace before she reached it. Cullen jumped back from his desk and his sword pulled out and ready to combat whatever threat had arrived. On his desk sat an open box that she recognized. Waves of relief flowed over her. 

“...okay Inquisitor?” 

Lochlyn blinked at Cullen. His sword has been returned to its spot on his hip and had moved around the desk, approaching her like she was a scared animal. “I- uh... You asked for me?” Once again, words had failed her and she couldn't slide into the nonchalant manner she had wanted. In her panic, her scarf had slipped and she knew by the flush on his cheeks and his sudden avoidance to meet her gaze he had caught sight of _his mark_ too.

“I- I wanted to apologize about yesterday. What happened was uncalled for and never should have happened.”

Oh. That’s not what she had expected. Had he regretted it? 

_Ouch. Let’s not think like that, shall we?_

Honestly, she had hoped to never mention it again. Like that was logical. Instead, she rolled her eyes and kicked the door she had slammed open shut. 

“Commander,” she said slowly as she walked towards him with her arms crossed. “There is no need to apologize. It was just sex. Something that evidently we both needed and quite frankly, I wouldn't mind again.” The weird feeling settled into her stomach again as she spoke. It was just sex _. A way to blow off steam, keep tempers from flaring._ Something flashed across his face- hurt? Surprise?- but was gone before she could really look into it.

“I, uh, didn’t mean the sex,” he muttered almost too softly for her to catch. Now it was her turn to be surprised. Cullen finally met her gaze with a sheepish grin. “What I said. I didn’t mean it. It was cruel and-”

A laugh bubbled out before she could stop it, quickly covering her mouth though it did nothing to stop it. He looked at her with confusion and she just shook her head, still giggling. “I thought you may have grown a backbone,” she said between laughs. “Guess I was wrong.”

The confusion on his face only grew which increased her laughs. Evidently he wasn’t going to get it so she waved him off. “If you only needed me to tell me you were sorry for sassing me...”

“No,” he said quickly then rubbed the back of his head. “No there is something I must tell you. As... leader of the Inquisition, you deserve to know.”

“Well, that sounds ominous. What’s on your mind Commander?” Lochlyn leaned against the door leading to the rotunda as Cullen made his way around his desk. He sighed before closing the lyrium kit and putting it back in his drawer.

“You know Templars have to take lyrium to get our powers,” he started slowly. She frowned. Was there a lyrium shortage? Why hadn’t that been brought up during the meeting? The concern must have been written on her face because he waved his hand to the side. “We have a reliable source for the Templars here, but... I no longer take it.”

The feeling settled into her gut again and she pushed off the wall. “Do you have a death wish Cullen?! You _know_ what happens to Templars who are off their supply,” she hissed angrily. Everything in Haven made sense now. The headaches, the illness. His eyes narrowed at her sudden change of mood.

“I will not be bound to the Order anymore,” he snarled back. “After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn’t...”

Coles words the day before echoed in her head. “How long?”

“Pardon?”

“How long,” she repeated slowly. “Have you been off?”

Now he looked... ashamed? “I first stopped after I joined the Inquisition.”

Lochlyn frowned. That didn’t sound right. “I smelled it on you the night before Haven fell,” she said in confusion. He nodded and turned to look out the window.

“I had started taking it again. After... After the fight in the Chantry. I stopped after we reached Skyhold.”

Any anger that she had before - which she honestly couldn’t tell if it was from the _feeling_ or if she was actually mad at him for stopping lyrium - faded away. He had been in the Inquisition before it was formally established. Several months of work just... taken. Because of her.

“Cullen, I-”

“Don’t,” he whispered, sounding very tired suddenly. “Don’t even try to blame yourself. I made the decision to go back on. It was a rash decision, made in the heat of the moment, but I made it.” He turned back to face her, a softer look on his face. “Whatever the suffering, I accept it.”

Lochlyn moved around his desk and sat on it. “This could kill you,” she whispered, silently cursing the whimper that she failed to hide. He shrugged and leaned against the wall to face her. 

“It hasn’t yet,” he said almost sadly. “I would not put the Inquisition at risk. Cassandra will be watching me. If my ability to lead becomes compromised, I will be relieved from duty.”

She scoffed and hugged her body to calm the shakes that had started and her racing heart. “I have half a mind to relieve you from duty now.” Cullen looked like he wanted to say something but instead just nodded.

“If you feel that’s the best course of action Inquisitor, I will-”

“No Commander,” she said gently and slid off the desk. Her marked hand rested on his gloved one and gave him an encouraging smile. “I said I have half a mind. Not a full mind. We would probably be running better if I did. I trust Cassandra. If she thinks you are well enough, then I do too.” Lochlyn snorted softly. “Besides, Liana would rat you out the moment she thought something was wrong.”

Cullen chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. “She really would.” The mark on her hand sparked, making them jump apart. Pinpricks of pain danced up her arm as she shook it off. “Does it hurt?” His tone was one of concern and curiosity, making her smile.

“Only every time I have to use it. Or think about it.” _Or have feelings._ Heat flooded her cheeks and she found herself fiddling with her braid. “Anyway, this isn’t about me. What about you? Your headaches in Haven...”

“I can endure.”

“But you don’t have to,” she offered. “I can help. I am still a healer.” 

He shook his head and cleared his throat. “I- uh... I will be fine. I feel little healing would get done if you did.”

Ah. Right. That she would agree with. “Well if that’s all Commander...”

“It is,” he said with a nod. “The Inquisitions army will always come first. I will defer to Cassandra’s judgment.”

Oh shit, Cassandra. “Commander,” Lochlyn said then swiped a piece of paper and his quill to scribble something quickly. “I need this to go to Leliana. Cass wanted to find the Seekers and I need the scouts to do it.” She handed it to him with a shrug. “It’s just a list of hideouts they use but the scouts should be able to find something I hope. It’ll be about a week and a half before I reach Redcliffe so if she finds anything, just have her send a raven there.”

“Why not have a runner take it to her,” Cullen with a slight pout. She grinned and tapped his cheek. “I am. Now I need to go otherwise we won’t make it any ground.”

“Lochlyn,” he sputtered out and she turned around with a huff of annoyance. “Yes, Commander?”

“Thank you.”

She softened her face and flicked her wrist. “Don’t be. Just take care of yourself.” Then she bounded down the stairs.

~~~

The Gull and Lantern was empty when they arrived. Unease prickled at her neck and she reached back for her staff. “Stay behind me Liana,” she murmured. The girl nodded and kept herself tucked behind her, already keeping herself tensed and ready to run.

A mans voice spoke from across the room, drawing their attention. She watched Dorian tense up.

“Father,” he replied curtly. “So the whole ‘family retainer’ was what? A smokescreen?” 

“So you were told?”

“Yes, he was. I don’t lie to my friends,” snarled Lochlyn. Dorian’s father looked at Lochlyn, who drew her daughter tighter to her. “I apologize for the deception Inquisitor. I never meant for you to be involved.”

“Of course not. That’s why you couldn’t be bothered to show up to Skyhold,” she snapped and stepped forward. Dorian held his hand up to stop her then returned his gaze to the senior Pavus. “Why are you here Father? Why insist I come alone? Did you plan on kidnapping me? Drag me back to Qarinus?”

His father huffed impatiently and Lochlyn felt the urge to throw a fireball at the man. _Not too different from Lady Trevelyan, I see._

“Do you want me to leave,” she whispered gently to her friend. He whipped around with an anger she had yet to see.

“No, stay. You should know the truth.” His father started to say something but Dorian cut him off. “I prefer the company of men. My father disapproves.”

Is that what this is really all about? Lochlyn scoffed and threw her hands in the air. “All this because you...”

“Prefer men. More importantly sex with them. I have no doubt you have heard of it.”

She glanced at the girl behind her and scoffed. “No Dorian, I’ve never done such a thing in it. Not at all,” she sassed back. “I am not the one you are angry at, so don't turn on me.”

“This display is uncalled for,” his father chastised and she felt her magic _so desperately want to be released._ Dorian retorted back what she had wanted to say. Her heart ached for him. She was lucky to have the love of her mother, ever hidden in the shadows and father. Dorian deserved just as much.

“ _He_ taught me to hate blood magic. _The resort of the weak mind_ . Those were _his_ words. But when I wouldn’t conform to your _ideals?_ You tried to change me!” Dorian’s voice cracked and so did Lochlyn’s heart. “Come on Dor, let’s go...” But he wasn’t finished. 

“I only wanted what was best for you,” his father pleaded. _This bitch..._

“No, you wanted what was best for your _fucking_ legacy. Anything for that,” Dorian spat. Lochlyn put her hand on his shoulder. 

“Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

Her daughter followed as she led Dorian out the door. Halward Pavus stood in his spot, a distressed look on his face as he watched his son walked out the door. “I’ll be out in a minute cub. Watch him for me please?” Liana nodded and Lochlyn watched as they walked out before turning to face the older man.

“If you ever try to contact him again,” she snarled as she stalked towards him. “I will show you what a _real_ blood mage can do.” It was a bluff of course. She was no blood mage. But he didn’t need to know that.

“If I had known I would have pushed him into the arms of the Inquisition...”

“You didn’t. He knew he needed to do what was right. Something you evidently don’t.” Lochlyn spun on her heels, the urge to punch the sorry bastard in the face almost overpowering. The door to the tavern clattered against the wall as she stormed out. Liana and Dorian were nowhere to be seen, though she assumed they may have gone to meet Cassandra and Bull at the camp. She headed up towards Redcliffe Castle, remembering Josephine’s words about the Arl. Might as well use him to get her frustrations out.

Dorian had remained tightlipped about what transpired in the tavern, taking his frustrations out on the bears, bandits, and rogue templars in the Hinterlands then on the Seekers and cultists in Caer Oswin. Cassandra had fallen silent now as well, stirring over the betrayal of her former leader. It had been nearly a month before anything was even mentioned. Skyhold was only a few days away now, then a couple more after that was the party. If the Arl kept his word, Cullen’s gift would be there the morning of the party. _Hopefully he sees it as a peace offering_ , she thought to herself. 

“I don’t like your father Dorian.” Liana, of course, was the one to break the silence one night at camp. “He shouldn’t try to change you.” Dorian scoffed as he took a drink of his wine. Lochlyn huffed and pinched the bridge of her nose. _Children really have no filter._

“The sentiment is appreciated my dear,” he sassed and the girl frowned at the tone, fiddling with the grass at her feet. “He shouldn’t though. I like you for who you are.” 

Her smile brightened and she moved to sit beside him now. “You say funny things. And you always dress really good. And you always smell nice. Like the air after a storm. And you’re really good with lightning. Can you teach me to control mine better? I don’t like the dead raising thing you do though so you can keep that. Solas is teaching me about the Fade but he doesn’t have lightning like me and-” 

“ _Liana,_ ” Lochlyn said with a heavy sigh. “I think its time for you to head bed, don’t you think?”

Her daughter paused then shook her head. “I’m not tired yet mama. I want to stay out here with you and Dorian.” She would have believed the girl if she hadn’t yawned in the middle of the sentence. 

“You should listen to your mother Liana,” the Tevinter mage said from her side, all teasing out of his voice.

“But-”

“If you go, I’ll teach you some fun lightning spells.” There was no teasing tone in his voice, surprising Lochlyn. It was a comfort, seeing the ease Liana felt with the Inner Circle. 

While she dealt with nobles or had meetings with the advisors, Lochlyn knew someone was always watching the girl. Solas with his stories about the Fade, Varric with his stories about Hawke, Sera taking her to go prank people, even The Chargers and Bull watching over her as she ran around the tavern. They had become her second family.

Lianas’ eyes lit up and she jumped up from her spot. “Night mama,” the girl said with a hug and kiss. Then she turned to Dorian and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Thank you Dorian,” she whispered. The hug wasn’t returned, the poor man looked half scared but the little girl didn’t care. She turned to walk away but then stopped to face him. “That man isn’t your father now. My daddy is your daddy. I don’t know your mama but I’ll share my mama with you too.” Then she scampered off into the tent.

Lochlyn let out a soft laugh and shook her head before turning to Dorian. “I think you just got adopted,” she said with a half shrug. Her friend still had a look of shock as if he was trying to process what just happened. 

He took another sip from his bottle then leaned over to put his head in her lap, his usual place in camp. The firelight bounced off his face and she noticed his grey eyes looked a little too bright for her liking. “Oh Dorian...”

“I’m not crying,” he remarked quickly and rubbed his eyes. “The smoke from the fire got in my eyes.” Lochlyn hummed in response. It was a lie but neither would admit it. Her hands combed through his always perfect hair instead, humming softly. They remained silent for a while.

“Liana is lucky to have you as a mother,” he said finally, offering his bottle. She took it gladly and swallowed a large amount before returning it. 

“You wouldn’t have said that if you knew me a few years ago. Or even a few months before the Conclave,” she whispered wistfully. “I was... not a good person.”

“Come now. What did you do? Kick her puppy?” His tone was teasing but she shook her head. 

“Being on the run doesn’t leave much room for having a mother-daughter relationship. It was just survive, survive, survive.” A soft sigh escaped her as she continued combing his hair. “Sometimes I wish we had stayed in Rivain. She could be learning her magic in the open. We wouldn’t have to worry about the templars.” _Could have had a decent childhood._

“For the record, I don’t think you are a bad mother,” Cassandra said as she pulled her sword out, ready to clean it. Again. She had done it nearly every night since leaving Caer Oswin. The weapon could probably be a mirror at this point.

“I agree,” Dorian said with a wave. “Things could be much worse. You could have been Tranquil and had her shipped off to the Chantry. Lesser of two evils the way I see it.” Of course he was right. He nearly always was so she just hummed in response. "Oh, Lochlyn, one more thing?"

"Yes, Dorian?" Her hands paused their combing to look at him, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Who left that delicious looking lovebite on your neck before we left for Redcliffe?" 

Lochlyn made a noise of disgust, almost rivaling Cassandras, and pushed the mage off her lap and into the dirt. 

“Is that any way to treat your new son?! I take back what I said. You are a very mean mother.”

" _Good night Dorian_."

~~~

Lochlyn left the forge, pulling her cloak tighter around her. It wasn’t chilly out, not enough to need such a heavy cloak anyway. Her talk with Cassandra left her chilled to the point that even the heat of the forge couldn’t take. The Seeker’s word had actually faded in and out as Lochlyn tried to wrap her head around what she was telling her.

_There was a cure for Tranquility._

She walked towards the Chantry briskly, taking deep breaths to attempt to calm herself.

 _There was a_ **_cure_ ** _for Tranquility._

The tears burned in her eyes as she pushed into the prayer room, a despairing scream building in her throat.

“How can this be your work,” she hissed at the marble statue in the room. “How can you just stand by and _allow_ them to destroy someone’s mind?” Of course, silence followed. Not like she had expected anything less. Religion was never her strong point anyway. She let out a growl of frustration and kicked over a candelabra. Hot tears rolled down her face. _I could have saved her..._

“Stupid fucking Maker and stupid fucking Andraste and-”

“I don’t think cursing at the Maker will make him listen any faster, Inquisitor.”

Lochlyn sighed and wiped her face, letting out a rather awful attempt of a laugh. “The Maker has never heeded any prayer I’ve sent him Commander. I have it in my right mind that He really doesn’t exist.” She hadn’t seen him since that morning after the War Room meeting, stopping her for a quick ‘ _welcome back’_ before she went off to meet Cassandra.

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Cullen said whimsically. “He answered plenty of prayers here, I think.”

“Or perhaps it was just sheer dumb luck?”

“Was it dumb luck that you survived a mountain falling on you? That you were led to us in that valley, even broken as you were?” He smirked and shook his head. “Or perhaps it was dumb luck that you survived The Conclave? Could it have been your fate?”

“That’s some twisted fate if so,” she said with a sigh then looked up at the ceiling. “I had a friend once. Her name was Myra.”

Cullen tilted his head at the sudden shift in conversation but Lochlyn pushed on. “She was already in the Circle when I arrived. She was a year older than me but she still took care of me. Made me feel... well as _at home_ as one can feel in a prison.” Her eyes filled with tears but she blinked them back. “We were inseparable. She taught me everything I know about healing magic.”

“You mentioned that name before,” Cullen said softly. “You said she died when you made your escape?”

Lochlyn laughed darkly. “I would have thought you would recognize her name. It was one of your templars who took her from me.” Cullen’s look of confusion only grew and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Not physically of course. That would have been to easy I suppose. She was made Tranquil.”

“Lochlyn-”

“Don’t apologize Commander. It would be empty one anyway.” She met his amber gaze and shook her head. “You wouldn’t actually be sorry for a mage, let alone a _blood mage._ ”

She laughed as he looked at her with a mix of emotions. “You were friends with a blood mage?”

“Of course not,” Lochlyn rolled her eyes. “But your precious Knight-Commander didn’t want to look into that. All she saw in a mage covered in blood and it was his word against hers. He cried, Meredith jumped. And that was the end of that story.”

She snorted and sat on the bench, staring at the floor. “All those years, she protected me. Taught me which templars to avoid. Held me when I missed home, which was a surprise in itself.” Lochlyn smiled at the memories and found herself blushing. “As we got older, our relationship developed and became... physical. We had only been together a few months before it happened.” 

“After-” Her voice caught in her throat and the tears came back but she didn’t stop them now. “I took care of her after that. For years. I _begged_ the Maker to bring her back, to show me how.” She sniffled and rubbed at her cheeks. “When the Qunari attacked, I saw it as our way out. I didn’t know how but I would get her out and we would go somewhere. I thought I had hidden her well enough...”

Lochlyn closed her eyes to force the memory back down when it was becoming too vivid in her mind. “I was fighting off one of the warriors. I didn’t see the one going for her. She... she couldn’t defend herself and... and there was too much blood I couldn’t stop it...”

A leather glove gripped her hand and another touched the side of her face, forcing her eyes open and drawing a gasp from her. Cullen knelt in front of her with warm whiskey-colored eyes focused on her, rubbing a thumb over her hand. “There’s a cure for Tranquility,” she whispered. “If I had saved her, paid more attention, maybe-”

“You can’t change the past. All you can do is change the future.” Cullen's mouth moved like he wanted to say more, he had a strained look on his face. He stood up and glanced out the doors instead. “Come on. You could use a distraction.”

Lochlyn stood up and crossed her arms, a sly smirk on her face. “In the Chantry? I didn't peg you for that type of man.” She laughed as his face turned red and he muttered something under his breath before motioning to the door with his free hand. The other had found its place on the back of his neck, nothing if not predictable. 

“I was teaching Liana how to play chess and Dorian insisted on joining on. Apparently, I am now his ‘father’ and Liana refused to let me see it any other way.”

Lochlyn laughed as she followed him out to the chess table, where Dorian had certainly tried to cheat the Commander out of a win and failed miserably. He walked away with a pout, Liana telling him _cheaters never win_ and Lochlyn took his spot. 

They played several games, Cullen defeated her each time but she didn't mind. There was a peace that had settled over them. A quietness that Lochlyn hadn’t become accustomed to. Sure, there were still sound. Birds in the trees. Leaves rustling in the wind. Even the faint sound from the forge echoed through the air. But there was no _fighting_.

Eventually, Liana became bored just watching the game and ran off, probably to probe Solas more about the Fade. There was peace now, between the three of them, not unlike what had formed in Haven before...

"We should do this more often," Lochlyn whispered. "The three of us, spending time together. I think it would be good for Liana. Not seeing us at each other’s throats."

Cullen looked at her with surprise that turned into a crooked smile. "I would like that," he said almost awkwardly as he moved his piece.

"Me too," she said. That was a surprise to herself. Did she really want to spend more time with this man? The man who was the source of her running for years? Or was it their more _private_ moments that were starting to affect the logical side of her mind?   
  
_Stupid, stupid feelings._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for your comments and kudos! It's always an amazing thing to read your comments and see your opinions! 
> 
> Stay safe you there lovelies!! <3


	17. **Will be deleted when the update comes but... an update?**

For starters, I am so sorry for just disappearing on y'all. My brain decided it was sad boi hours all the time. Septemeber-December is always a really rough time period for me mentally and this year was no exception. 

I just want y'all to know, I have not given up on this story. Lochlyn and Liara live in my brain rent free everyday but I cant get my words to come onto the page. I just put them into a lot of angsty situations that have absolutely nothing to do with the fic haha. I have the next chapter typed up but I'm not 100% happy with it so I keep tweaking it to make it better and something acceptable for all of you. 

Please hold on for a little while longer while I finish it up then you get to experience a cheese lover, a sassy child, and a possible turning point for a relationship??

Much loves to all of you! Stay safe out there! <3


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